Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Scared to have sex

13 replies

Lilybeto · 03/12/2008 14:24

I have been in a relationship with my DP for 2 and a half years and we have had sex but I didn't enjoy it. Although I didn't tell him that. I don't view sex as pleasurable and find it rather horrible. Apart from this our relationship is fine. My DP is fine about it but I really think it is starting to effect us. The disliking of sex stems from sexual abuse as a child.
I feel so mean to my DP as we don't have sex at all, and I'd rather do anything then something sexual. I really don't know what to do?

OP posts:
Jazzicatz · 03/12/2008 14:26

Have you been in other sexual relationships before meeting your dp?

Original poster
Lilybeto · 03/12/2008 14:32

No, not apart from sexual abuse.

OP posts:
needmorecoffee · 03/12/2008 14:35

counselling? although there is a loooooooooong wait for sexual health counselling.

Jazzicatz · 03/12/2008 14:36

Have you received councelling for the abuse?

Jazzicatz · 03/12/2008 14:37

I was sexually abused as a child, and whilst its not an easy thing to get over I would say that I have overcome the worst of it. There is always hope.

Original poster
Lilybeto · 03/12/2008 14:40

not really. Attempted to once but the counselor said (after I'd only had one session) that I shouldn't come back as she thought I was fine. That made me think that maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing. She didn't even ask me about sexual abuse (although she would have had details in her notes). She just asked me about everyday things.

OP posts:
Jazzicatz · 03/12/2008 14:42

Maybe its worth trying to contact a new counsellor - just because you have had one negative experience it sounds like it could be helpful. Do you talk about the abuse to anyone?

Original poster
Lilybeto · 03/12/2008 14:51

Yes, I told my partner. He was the first person I had ever told. And then that's when the problems started. It became so real once I had told someone and then it really affected me. The counselor was an NHS one. I don't know hoe to get another one or if I want another one.

OP posts:
branflake81 · 03/12/2008 15:52

I got to see a psychosexual therapist on the NHS as a hospital outpatient. I was referred from my GP and the waiting list was only 4 months or so.

branflake81 · 03/12/2008 15:53

Sorry, just seen you did get a counsellor. Mine was very good. Why not see if you can get someone else?

Original poster
Lilybeto · 03/12/2008 19:38

I think I will. Another question I have is, do you think relationships can work without sex?

OP posts:
needmorecoffee · 04/12/2008 07:28

I think it can but only if both people are happy. I am seeing a counsellor (but keep cancelling as dd has seizures/ops etc) and I can see how she'd help. If I ever get there!
DH isn't very happy to be honest while I don't care if I never do it again. The counsellor is a compromise

Original poster
Lilybeto · 04/12/2008 19:53

Sounds just like my relationship

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page