Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Usually fine but feel really down tonight....

10 replies

expo · 29/11/2008 20:00

DH going out tonight with the boys. Will probably get very drunk, back in the early hours, leaving me to pick up the pieces tomorrow morning. Have a DS (23mths) and DD (7mths). DD has had bronchitis since Monday so I have not been out all week. DH has been working at DIY all day today so I have looked after them both all day. And now I know I will be looking after them at least all tomorrow morning while DH sleeps off a hangover.

I went on strike at 5pm so DH did tea and bath. However, he asked me what to give DD. I told him that there was a freezer full of food I have cooked and put into ice cubes. Why does he have to ask? And then I have cooked a curry from scratch today which I thought was obvious it was for DS. He loves curry. DH then moaned to me that DS and DD hadn't eaten their dinner. He had forgotten that I had cooked the curry. AAAArgh. I flipped and went out for a drive. I feel as if I am looking after 3 kids. Am I being stupid and petty???? Just got home. DH did the bath for both and is getting ready to go out. Is now not talking to me.

He was in Italy with his parents all last weekend leaving me to look after them both from Friday to Monday (as well as all week as I am still on maternity leave). So I feel I haven't had time to myself for ages.

OP posts:
compo · 29/11/2008 20:02

That does sound crappy.

JumpingDizzy · 29/11/2008 20:02

Sounds pretty grim for you right now and no I don't think you're being petty.

Why did he go to Italy and leave you with 2 babies?

smellen · 29/11/2008 20:17

I don't think you are being unreasonable to expect more support from your OH. It is hard enough being the SAHP during the week without feeling on your own at the weekend too. Your OH is being a bit selfish, IMHO. If he had a weekend "off" last weekend, I would have thought it was perfectly reasonable to expect him to postpone his night out with the lads, or at least agree to go out for an early pint and then come home with a take-away for the two of you. Perhaps you need to sit down together and really work out how you can share the childcare more equitably.

FWIW, even though I think my OH is pretty good at sharing the responsibility of the kids, (and he loves to be with them), I still feel that there are aspects of their care that I have to point out to him. As I am the primary caregiver I guess it's just normal that I would know more about the minutiae of their daily routine, diet etc.

In the meantime I would try to get an early night, it's easier to cope with the monotony and stress if you are less knackered. And if the kids accidentally woke up daddy nice and early, well...

Original poster
expo · 29/11/2008 20:25

Thank you everyone. I just need a 'poor me' moan I think!! And something I didn't mention - next weekend he has his office Xmas party in Manchester (we live in London...! - 2 offices so they are doing it in the middle!) on a Friday night. Which means he won't be home until Saturday afternoon. So yet ANOTHER weekend where I will pick up the pieces (and it is DS's 2nd birthday party on the Saturday afternoon as well!) and then the weekend after, he is hosting a dinner party for the boys on a Saturday all day. He will be cooking for them and expecting me out of the house with the kids (I wouldn't want to stay around anyway). I feel a right moany minny because he is a wonderful father and does help out most times. Just feel as if I don't have a life. (by the way he was in Italy last weekend because he was visiting his father who has just had a minor operation plus was giving Xmas presents to his family plus I suppose fancied a night out with his mates over there who he doesn't see a lot).

I love mumsnet....!

OP posts:
JumpingDizzy · 29/11/2008 21:32

Why can't you have a dinner party with couples or do you do that too?
Do you do anything together?

Original poster
expo · 29/11/2008 21:54

it has become a bit of a tradition pre-xmas for a boys dinner party. It is only a once a year thing and his chance to experiment with food I wouldn't eat!!! It is unfortunate that all this has come at once.

Mmmm, do we do anything together??? Well we do go out as a family at least one day at the weekend, like walking in a park or at National Trust. DS needs to run wild!!! But you are right that we rarely do things together just the two of us. This is partly because I am still breastfeeding (down to one feed a day now though) so it is more difficult for the two of us to go out together (we have been for 3-4 meals together since DD was born). And I moaned at this so DH has booked something special on Tuesday night for us. I think it is on the Southbank. But you know what. Sometimes I just want to go out and party. That sounds really mean doesn't it. DH has booked a nice cultural evening and I just want to go out and get tipsy with him and feel young again!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
expo · 29/11/2008 21:54

it has become a bit of a tradition pre-xmas for a boys dinner party. It is only a once a year thing and his chance to experiment with food I wouldn't eat!!! It is unfortunate that all this has come at once.

Mmmm, do we do anything together??? Well we do go out as a family at least one day at the weekend, like walking in a park or at National Trust. DS needs to run wild!!! But you are right that we rarely do things together just the two of us. This is partly because I am still breastfeeding (down to one feed a day now though) so it is more difficult for the two of us to go out together (we have been for 3-4 meals together since DD was born). And I moaned at this so DH has booked something special on Tuesday night for us. I think it is on the Southbank. But you know what. Sometimes I just want to go out and party. That sounds really mean doesn't it. DH has booked a nice cultural evening and I just want to go out and get tipsy with him and feel young again!!!

OP posts:
JumpingDizzy · 29/11/2008 21:58

why does it feel mean? he does it?
I don't understand why you keep saying such negative things about yourself like 'petty' and 'mean'? Could it be because you're exhausted? You deserve fun too. If you're down to one feed a day you can go out even if it's a daytime thing, spa or something?

Hope Tuesday goes well for you both.

Original poster
expo · 29/11/2008 22:07

Thank you JumpingDizzy. I say 'mean' because I am so lucky really and don't really have any right to moan. I think I am exhausted and would LOVE to go out shopping for the day or to a spa. And that is what I am going to do. However it will have to be in January now because the next 2 weeks are booked for his antics and then it is Xmas and we are staying at my parents.

Thank you everyone for being so kind.

OP posts:
JumpingDizzy · 29/11/2008 22:08

Great it'll give you something to look forward too. Hope you enjoy Xmas

New posts on this thread. Refresh page