Sorry, I have had to change my nickname for this one.
DH and I have been married about 2.5 years. Our beautiful DS was born about 9 months ago. I wanted a child much more than DH, as I was in my mid-30's when we got married and was worried about having a baby "too late". We have both agreed to have just the one child.
The funny thing is he absolutely worships our little boy and spends loads of time with him, night and day. My DS is of course everything to me and I have bonded with him the way I never thought imaginable, a very very strong maternal instinct. I still breastfeed DS which I think is another important reason why I have such a close bond.
So neither DH or I have a problem with baby. We both adore him and spend all our hours with him. I don't intend to go back to work until DS is around 3 years old.
The problem DH has seems to be me ! We haven't had sex since I was about 3 months pregnant (i.e a very long time ago !). For the first few months after DS was born I had absolutely no desire for physical contact, but now that I do, DH still shows no interest whatsoever. We have always slept in separate bedrooms since we met, because I am a very bad insomniac and find it impossible to fall asleep or stay asleep when there is someone in my bed. However, the cause of the lack of sex is nothing to do sleeping in separate rooms, as we had an excellent physical relationship before I got pregnant.
We have also had quite a few arguments since DS was born, but they are the kind of arguments we had before he was born, so nothing new. He has said that I dominate him and once it even slipped out that he can't be physically attracted to a woman he can't dominate. This is not because he is a pervert or anything, but he has always said that my extremely strong personality puts him off, both in conversation and in bed I guess. I am also overweight (both before and after the pregnancy) which I know has always been an issue with him because he likes slim women, although he has never directly criticised me for it. I just know.
I split up with a long term boyfriend a few years before meeting DH and he seems to have had similar issues, my weight and my overbearing personality (of course the said boy friend had loads of defects himself, but that's another story !).
I know people are going to think that I end up with the wrong sort of men (I have thought it too) and that I should be with men who don't have a problem with my weight (I am about 11.8 stone and 5.3" tall, so I am not really a monster size, just overweight really) and don't have a problem with my strong character and views, etc. I have to admit I can be overbearing at times and arrogant even, but I can be like this with everyone, not just the men in my life ! I do try to control it though as best as I can.
I don't really want to separate or get divorced because I still have very strong feelings for DH (not sure if it's love, but it's strong enough to want to make the relationship work). He is extremely kind, sweet, intelligent, and lovely in lots of ways and did say he was in love with me loads of times in the first year we were together. He just doesn't say it any more.
Sorry for the huge background story, but is there anyone who can give me some advice ? I have tried approaching him to find out what is really bugging him and he has approached me to talk also, but we have ended up arguing.
Please help !