husbands behaviour tonight

[newmummy27]

I am so fed up and numb. i feel like i am living in a nightmare.
tonight we ended up having another argument, it is EVERY weekend. there are tears every week. tonight my husband wa so angry and he shouted really upclose to my face pointing his finger at me and said i deserved "a good slapping". in anger i said i want a divorce i want him out tomorrow. he said i am the one who is going to be shafted. how do i deal with this? how could i ever have had a baby to this man?? he says i provoke him and thats the excuse for his behaviour.

Hi newmummy, you poor thing ...big hug to you. I have also had a row with my husband this eve but not as bad as yours. Thankfully he has gone to bed! What are you rowing about? Have you got a new baby? (just thinking of your newmummy name...)

xxx

Whether or not you provoke him, he's not entitled to threaten you with violence or scream in your face.
What are you rowing about? Is it the same thing every time? Do you have a newborn who sleeps badly so that both you and your H are exhausted? His behaviour is wrong and unacceptable (and if he does hit you, you can call the police and have him removed from the house immediately) but just sometimes it is the case that very sleep-deprived new parents say much harsher things than they mean and are sorry afterwards.

hi walkingprimrose. baby is 1 now.i need to namechange. it has been a nightmare this last year. i have had pnd, but now i think my husband is worse.the otherweekend he went out for 4 hours after an argument, turned his phone off, rang me at one point in state. i rang my mam who was worried and was going to go out looking for him. i ended up ringing his mum and had an argument with her :-( this is just not me as she said she hadnt heard from him when she had. they are at the other side of the country and were supposed to be coming up in dec but arent now.i didnt get in frm work till 10.30 nd the argument was because he rang his mum and dad. he turned into a horrible ugly person.shouting, pointing finger. lo asleep and is poorly. at the moment i fecking hate my husnband

It sounds like a nightmare of a year is coming to a head...Like solidgoldbrass says, his threatening behaviour is unacceptable.

Did he just find out tonight on the phone that his mum and dad aren't coming anymore or something, and blame you?

Can you suggest that you need to have a serious talk - tell him in the morning? Things are often easier / less tense etc in the cold light of day. Does he realise you're at the end your tether with it? Would the reality of you maybe leaving him give him the jolt he needs to sort this out do you think?

(My baby is also 1)

thanks walking primrose. i would leave him, but i am not leaving the house, i have nowhere to go and my ds doesnt deserve to be in an unfamiliar place.he blames me for EVERYTHING and it is all because of depression he keeps saying.i think the love is destroyed. no sex at all either. i feel betrayed. but i am standing upto him now, whereas before i did blame myself and depression. he cant handle that

Contact CAB or Women's Aid to find out your legal position (knowledge is power; abusive men often claim that their victims will not be able to escape or stop the violence without losing their home/custody of DC - this is bullshit). You don't have to leave the house, and if he moves from threatening violence to committing violence, you can have him removed from the house.

I understand what you're saying about not leaving the house.

He doesn't sound very supportive - blaming you and the depression, not nice at all.

I just think that maybe if he realises that you REALLY are on the verge of divorcing him, and that you didn't just say it in the heat of the moment then perhaps he'll sort his attitude out???

Don't forget that depression is an illness, you are not 'responsible' or to blame for having it and the affect it's had on your life... just as much as you wouldn't be to blame if you had a physical illness such as, erm, broken legs or diabetes or pnuemonia or whatever.

I hope you sort it out. He really sounds like a bully at the moment. xxx

solidgoldbrass is right again. Get all the advice and info you can about your legal position, definitely. He can't 'shaft' you.

Dont worry, he angry and being nasty to hurt you. Sometimes life is hard and we make it everyone elses fault especially the oh.

Tomorrow tell him, you want to talk, try to listen to what he has to say, and let him know what you are feeling, it will be ok. x

hi just logged on again tonight thanks for your messages thanks for your support. have spent most of the day out with ds. still feel crap. rang citizens advice today but were closed. made it clear i dont deserve a good slapping and am not going to be treated like this. i dont fecking care if i have no money, only for my son. why is life so cruel?

Hi Newmummy. Im so sorry that you are going through this. I wanted to post and offer you some support. I have been there, well I still am and its hard to know which way to turn and whether your actions are making you a stronger or weaker person.

Have you managed to talk to DH about what happened? How is communication between you generally? Is this an isolated incident and atypical of his behaviour? Wish I had something meaningful to say that would help you. Please dont feel alone; ther is a lot of harsh, but good advise on MN.