left h a month ago - dreading xmas

[vbadindeed]

current plan is for me to take ds to mym mums for xmas day and dh to take ds to his parents the weekend after xmas. Trouble is i feel so guilty about h being alone on xmas day and not seeing ds. Should id suggest taking ds to see h for part of xmas day/boxing day. i'm starting to miss part of being with h but having had such aterrible time with him (have posted lots of times about the state of things) don't see how we could ever be happy. But i do so miss being in my house and some of the things about being with h. i'm at a loss to know what to do

Oh dear. I don't know your story but hope someone comes along with some help. I imagine it could be easy to fall into the sentimental trap at christmas and also wanting to make an enjoyable christmas for your family. After christmas though, I imagine things will go back to how they were beforehand.

anyone else?

why arent you and ds in your house and h one who lives elsewhere?

because h has nowhere else to go and it was me who wanted to leave

I too felt guilty the first christmas after I kicked XP out.

What I did was invited him round for an hour on christmas morning so he could see DD open her presents and spend a bit of time with her before I went to my Aunt's house for the rest of the day.

This seemed to work ok and he was fine with it.

So sorry you're going through this, I know what it's like and it's not nice at all

have also just split with husband, he moved out last wednesday. we have 2 boys & the plan at the moment is that he will come over & spend christmas day with us as this is going to be the first year that the oldest (3) really knows what its all aout. As much as I don;t want to spend time with him I know its important for the boys that he is around. I don't know how things are between you and husband but would something like that be possble? I know waht you mean about missing them, luckily for me after about 3 hours in his company I am reminded of why i don't want to be married to him anymore!

have remembered other threads of yours i read..... havent you left your dh for your exdp and moved in with him?..... so now your missing dh.... and still arent happy? do you think maybe you need to grow up and achieve a little security and independence for yourself and your ds?

yes controlfreaky, that's right. i'm not unhapy with dp i'm just really missing the good bits about dh, but relieved not to have all the bad bits too. it's very confusing

well it will be confusing if you think a man is the answer to your happiness and think all depends on that.....

I don't think its unreasonable to miss parts of your life with someone that you no longer live with, even if it was of your own choosing.

I dont think a man is the answer to everything, btw

I'm with rizlated. Finally left ex-P after waaay too many years putting up with his cr@p then felt guilty about him not being with DS that first xmas. So invited him for lunch!! What a mistake, or rather, confirmation that I definitely did the right thing leaving him

If I left my DH I would still invite him to spend at least some of Xmas day with DD, especially if leaving him was my choice.