feeble and stressy

[vezzie]

just want to talk really.

feeling tired, big, achey and pregnant. journey to work and back involves being cramped in subhuman conditions on trains where we stand up each others' noses and in each others' armpits while more people physically force themselves on. work itself is busy and stressy as everyone's job is at risk, people are leaving and being made redundant all around and i am a team of one that was a team of 3. last night i came home and just went to bed because i was so tired and lovely DP brought me dinner in bed. this morning didn't want to wake up, then didn't want to get up, and was crying at having to get that horrible train again. yesterday morning I fainted on the train. lost it when the zip tag broke off the insanely expensive boot I bought two weeks ago to wear with long skirts so I can avoid tights and try to deal with the thrush nightmare, sorry tmi. (I have thick blue legs and have to buy boots from duo so having paid £140 have no other shoes.) so just fell apart and decided somehow that I couldn't go to work and then, madly, that the only thing that would make me feel ok would be to wash up the kitchen and sweep and hoover because I have been so knackered there are messy bits everywhere. So DP appears looking pissed off while I am literally wearing an apron and hoovering the kitchen (apron because I was wearing one of only three things I can fit into for work and I can't waste an outfit by splashing greasy washing up all over it) about 10 minutes after my train for work would have pulled out of the station. "what are you doing? I thought you were tired. Why don't you either go to work or go to bed?" for some reason I burst into tears again. Then he went to get ready for work and left without saying goodbye, probably because he thinks I am annoying and pathetic. I left a message for my boss with some crap story and now I am wondering how much trouble I am going to be in for not going to work, whether DP totally hates me, what on earth I will do when I actually have a child and have to act like a real person instead of flaking out, and how much more tea I can drink without hurting LO because it is making me feel so much better. sorry this is long I just want to expiate guilt by sharing I suppose. thanks to all who read it

{{{hugs}}}} you feel a lot better when the little one is here. not achy, not big, not heavy. yes, tired, but you nap when baby naps. i promise it will get better.

firstly given your commute and work situation I don't think its unresaonable to want to pull a duvet day even if you weren't pregnant. SEcondly how pregnant are you? Just cos I know that there were times during my pregnancy when I really couldn't cope . there were times late on (after 32 weeks) were I really had to get through the day minute by minute.

YOur dh is prob just worried about you - I certainly had my moments when I tried dhs patience when pregnant. As for when lo comes along it'll be ok -firstly you'll surprise yourself that having that little thing to care for really does channel your energy - it is very hard but you manage (we all do on a day by day take ite asy basis) ,secondly you'll have dp and thirdly to worry like this is completely human!

firstly don't worry too much re your boss - so your excuse sounds feeble but I always think that whenver I through in.

Secondly you can have a fair bit of tea but why not switch to decaff -thats what i did .as I too absolutely craved it. Can I also suggest chocolate biscuits and a does of junky morning tv whilst you recoup your energy for another dose of cleaning?

sorry meant to say whenver I phone in sick - I just get an attack of guilts and think they must be thinking I'm pulling a fast one.

are you on any of the ante natal threads? Bet you if you are you won't be the only one suffering like this - I find/found my online ante natal thread a great place to vent. Nothing like cyberspace /pseudonym to give you courage to offload your feelings.

PS HEat and Ok are also a good way to help with hormones -but only whilst read on sofa with big mug of tea/hot chocolate.

PPS if your boss does give you any trouble unlikely point out to him stress at this stage of pregnancy could result in blood pressure issues

Pregnancy is the pits - you are NOT feeble and you WILL cope with a new baby - it is totally not the same. Too tired to write more as am in sameish boat (SAHM up since 4am instead of commuter though).

Too tired to punctuate properly either.

Thank you everyone, feel so much better already. thank you for all the positive stuff about how it will be when LO gets here. so much calmer now... anyway I can get into my work email from here so paradoxically today will probably turn out to be a really good day for work, I can power through a load of stuff here on my own and then if they try to bollock me I can point out I am very understaffed and totally up to date. feeling all GTD (Getting Things Done) now, thanks to your help in getting over the wobbles. Thank you!

Hi vezzie, I know how you feel regarding the travelling conditions. I travelled on the tube when I was pregnant, and I now take my ds again on the tube to his preschool/my work.

It is extremely stressful when the tube is packed and ds gets upset as well - but I find that if I go a bit early and come home a bit early the trains are not so packed - is there any way this is an option for you?
Maybe you could talk to your boss about working different hours so you can avoid the rush hour?