Not sure if this is gut instinct or paranoia ruining a potential relationship

[ANTagony]

I'm on plenty of fish, I've been messaged by this bloke quite a few times. He's articulate and interesting and we have not exchanged messages for about a month. We've arranged to go out on the 6th December. On Sunday we arranged to MSN rather than message via pof. In the morning I took a snapshot of his profile because its quite long and I wanted to reread without keeping looking at it. In the evening he asked me to check I couldn't see his profile because he'd hidden it because he wanted to see how things panned out between us. This is where I'm not sure if I'm rational.... I could see it through my favorites but he'd sent one of his roses since the morning when I took my snapshot (you get two virtual roses a month to send). It is now a hidden profile you can't find it in searches. I joked with him about pof and asked how many people he was currently talking to and he said me and had occasional contact from a women hundreds of miles away. Next morning I went on line and he'd been on, I went on again in the evening and he was on again and as I'm now fixated on this he's been on several times today. Its not that he's going on, because we haven't even met and its a bit early to even call it a relationship but he was so elaborate in his i'm not going on anymore I really want things to pan out between us I feel I might just be being played. My exH had many affairs and I'm aware I'm gullable and don't know whether this is silly to worry about (little white lies to protect my feelings), I don't mind that he's talking or meeting other people at present, or if its real lies and a really bad basis for the start of a relationship. Rational help gratefully received.

It sounds like someone else got the other rose. I think Pof is probably not something a lot of members take seriously enough to 'stop looking' once they have agreed to meet you.

I think you need a more serious website as it's likely you'll get a lot of players and mucker abouters on Pof, sadly this is going to be painful for you if you've had a lot of experience of being let down in the past.

I would give him very short shrift and move on.

This is kind of how I was feeling just couldn't decide if it was paranoia. Thanks.

What would you call a more serious website Match?

I haven't experience of Match...the guardian one sounds good, also that sarah beeny one is meant to be Ok. Pof has a rep for being a bit, well, juvenile.

Thanks again I'll check them out.

Oh forgot to say sent a polite 'I don't think, on reflection, we should meet' message.

He may be going on to check his messages?

Two people I know have met partners on the Guardian one. Think I should take a look at it. Both educated, nice women.

I think you get players on all the sites. Dating Direct costs around £40 for three months so one step up from a free site.

Alleve you're right but his profile is hidden and he says he's not talking to anyone. I've sent him a polite no thanks now so I doubt I'll hear any more.

Its good to hear that there are potentially people actually looking to date on some sites. I'll have a look at Dating Direct and see if its hit North Wales. The Guardian one sounded good but when I did a search has only a handful of people within 20 miles and most said definitely no kids.

I've just checked out Guardian Soulmates. Most of the men around my area are looking for, non smoking vegetarians, drinks occasionally, hikes up mountains, cares about the planet, and likes standing around laughing in the rain.

Sums up my two friends that were successful on there. Think I'll give it a total miss

How about Mysinglefriend? Slightly less hairy and hearty than Guardian soulmates types I think (the amount of abseiling that appears to go on is exhausting just contemplating it) - but as far as I've seen, they're the two sites that have the higher proportions of men who genuinely want a relationship.

x posted. I'm on POF, no photo so not serious about it. Most of the men that send messages don't get a reply. I did meet one guy from it, he was nice but wasn't looking for a permanent relationship.

You cannot judge someone until you've met them but he was being far too previous in talking about exclusivity before you had even met. Go with your gut instinct.

I'd run a mile from this bloke but for the opposite reason - anyone who's talking about exclusivity before they've even met you is either a juvenile bullshitter who thinks that saying 'I love you' will get him a blowjob, or totally desperate.
But then I wouldn't recommend anyone uses online dating (or any other method of meeting people) with the mindset of I Have to Find The One Right Now - use them as a way of having a laugh and making new friends. If you start dating when you are desperate for a longtermexclusivecommittedrelationshiprightnow all you will attract is nutjobs and predators.

lol solidgold. We should both check out my single friend. I'm in the sticks so it has to be large (oh misses) to have anyone within 40 miles on it.

To the OP I would recommend Dating Direct.

It was way to previous to be talking about exclusivity I certainly didn't feel that way. It takes time to really get to know someone if you ever can. I'm not desperate for a long term relationship but enjoy meeting new people and getting out a bit. If I meet someone I hit it off with great, most likely make new friends who aren't mums. I like my life it has many good elements and I wouldn't want to upset that but I like varied company too and the playground can't offer that.

You do need a thick skin though for these dating sites, bit likes mumsnet. Even if you meet someone and hit it off and have several dates, you have to expect that they will be getting messages from other women and may even be responding.