Is he being honest?

[SandyChick]

You may have read my previous post

He swears that their relationship is nothing more than a good friendship.

I cant help thinking about those messages tho. The thought of him telling another woman that he thinks about her all the time is like sticking a knofe in my heart.

I think maybe i do believe that there relationship hasnt become anything physical but he wont admit that he has feelings for her but i cant see how you can tell someone those things and not have romantic feelings.

I keep thinking if it were me in his position i couldnt imagine saying those things to another man without romantic feelings being involved.

If he would just admit that ther is more to it then maybe in time we can sort things out but he just doesnt seem to realise how inapropriate the messages were. He keeps defending his 'friendship'.

He says his feeling for me would stop him from having feelings for someone else because he loves me too much. He says he realises how i may take the messages and he's sorry if they have hurt me.

I dont know what to do. I love him so much. If i thought he had told me everything and was being honest then i could see us trying to work things out but my gut feeling is that there's more to it and he's not being honest.

Have been in similar (ish) situation recently.

My gut instinct was not to trust what he said, and 5 days later he came clean. IMO gut instinct is right.

I hope you feel better soon.

Regardless of whether anything physical has or hasn't happened between them, you have every right to be angry about these texts.

You said before that 'things haven't been quite right' and (IMHO) they can't be when he is sharing texts like that with someone else.

He has no need to 'fix' things with you because he is getting emotional (at the very least) support from elsewhere.

If you want to work it out with him, I wouldn't worry what's gone on up to this point. What matters now is what he's prepared to do to make you feel special and secure - and that means stopping contact with this woman. I don't care if he says 'but they are only friends' - if he loves you and wants to put things right with you, then he will be prepared to sacrafice this friendship.

Feel sorry for you though, it's horrid. PLEASE (even if he IS telling the truth) feel that you are over reacting or being paranoid or unreasonable. You are not.

My DH would go ballistic if I ever texted another man with kisses on the end (well, my dad, perhaps or BIL but YKWIM) and, to be fair, so would I if he did that to another woman, who wasn't a family member..

Sorry, that line should please don't feel like you are oer reacting

Unfortunately Ive been there myself. My H would swear that he latest affair was just a friend until I caught him out and he had no choice but to admit it. I hope for your sake you are wrong but I would suspect there was more than he is telling. Sorry this is happening to you, it is awful

Have you met her?

If she's a friend you should know her too.

The other woman has shown her husband the texts on her phone and told him they were innocent and he believes her.

My gut is telling me that there is more to it but i dont think he will admit anything.

If im wrong and he is telling the truth im scared im throwing everything away and will regret it one day. Its not as simple as him not having contact with here. They are both in the forces so work together everyday. He lives where he works (and where she lives with her DH and DS) and i live in our 'home' town with our DS. I wish i could just get away but i have DS who is 15 months. To top things off its my birthday today

How do i get him to tell me the truth?

CatMandu , Yes i know her. Up until 3 months ago i lived on the camp with Dh. They live in the next street to us. We used to go around for BBQ's etc. They have worked together everyday for the last 14 months!

I think he 6has6 told you the truth. I appreciate that some people have had experience of their dh's having had affairs, but it doesn't mean that's what's happening in this situation. My instinct fwiw is that they are just friends.

How the hell do we sort this out.

I dont know where to start. I think he expects me to say ok then and off he goes back to work and thats that.

I dont want to start making demands and ultimatums because i want to know he is doing whatever he does because he wants to.

Ideally i want him to ask for another posting and never have contact with her again but i can only take his word for it that he wont have contact with her. At the moment his word means nothing to me.

If he doesnt actually believe he has done anywrong because there;s nothing going on then why would be end their friendship? He is coming around soon so we can talk.

Doesn't really depend whether he thinks he's done anything wrong or not - it's about how much he values you.

my DH asked me not to contact some 'friends' from my last job (I left because DH was not happy with me working there). I didn't want to stop contact and I am sure some of them think it's odd, but my DH is more important that that.

I'm not saying that control is OK (My DH had his reasons for not wanting me to contact these friends, which I think were similar to what you are feeling now), but I was / am prepared to put my DH and our relationship first.

Happy birthday, by the way.

only you know your Dh well enough to answer your question.

trust your instintcs.
it it waddles like a duck, quacks like a duck chances are it aint a hippo.

sorry