suspicous of wife motives or at least what it implies

[SimonTheDad]

So background first, we have been together for 4 years, married for 2, little baby girl 1.5 months. Wonderful thing she is - i spend 3 days a week at home with her so am really involved. I love baby girl to bits, and my wife still despite..

Baby does not sleep well, is really easily disturbed in the evening. We have had not real support from friends of family for 1.5 years of the baby, only 2 times out together without the baby in 1.5 years.

Conversation in bed is non-existant and in the evening as we always have to whisper and baby often wakes and then its just a stressful time.

Our relationship has suffered. I think we still have love, God knows i love her, and she tells me she loves me, we kiss still, sex is rare 1 per month and not great now.

Anyway, she has recently started up a friendship online with a guy, started as a study pal on a forum for information exchange but developed into chatting via messenger - usually when i am out. She seems happy after they talk (sad but true ). In the evening she gets bored and browses his facebook. I would think she visits his pages 5-6 times a day, browsing his photos. She is now becoming secretive also. She tells me i am snooping if i look at her computer.

I am a computer savvy guy and i can see from logs and stuff she messages him and deletes them quickly so that there is no trace. I think the messages are fairly harmless but why the secrecy? She now has told me she wants to meet him for coffee after work, this makes me more worried.

I am thinking our relationship is dying - and that she is looking elsewhere for engagement. She claims she is not looking for anyone (probably true, we have a nice time with our gal) and just wants friendship but i think she is delluding herself as to her true feelings. TBH how can i appear interesting as a functional assistant in the house rather than providing anything exciting. Its so hard not to be able to do anything as a couple anymore.

So that's my story at the moment. Should i worry, am i seeing demons? i dunno, but i am getting concerned.

Simon- lots of good advice from Nooka, Rhubarb et al. Only additional thing that I would say is that you should also "like" yourself a little. Hope that I am not being presumptious but you sound a little like you don't? You can fancy yourself a little and still be that great, loving supportive guy that you are.

Not clear to me whether your DW is sub-consciously testing you.

Oh yes I would agree with that too. If your self esteem isn't all it should be you can accept things that you shouldn't and also (this will sound bad, sorry) you may possibly become unattractive to your wife, because you may no longer appear to be the person she fell in love with (too mumsy as it were). This of course works both ways.

So are you looking after yourself? Are you fit and healthy? Do you have interests outside of the home, and do you share any with your wife. Doing things that you enjoy together is very important I think.

Yes, you need to get out too. Be interesting! Talk to her when she wants to gossip or chat or talk about stuff in teh news. WHy not chase her up the stairs while the baby's napping at the weekend? Go out for coffee together. Find a babysitter!

FGS man, if you love your wife, fight for her! If you do nothing she will just think "he doesn't care anyway, so why shouldn't I have an affair?'

You MUST sort out the baby sleeping part - I can't think of many things worse than having to whisper and be quiet every evening, how boring.

You need to do that, but you also need to say "you are my wife, I love you very much. I know things have been difficult but I do not want you messaging or meeting this other man, because I will be jealous and I would do anything not to lose you".

Then you need to reconnect to each other as a couple, not just as mum and dad. You don't need to be a doormat, but have interesting things to chat about when she comes in. Make an effort. Go for a walk with the baby, cook together, read in companiable silence with music playing. Don't just slump in front of the TV.

Your relationship will wither if you allow it to. It needs tending and care and nourishment. Do it.