Hmmm...awkward question but still want to know if it's normal

[London7]

Hello mums, don't want to ask my friends about this as I feel very embarrassed so I'm posting the question here instead. Since giving birth to my baby 7 months ago, my husband doesn't want to sleep with me. Most nights he sleeps on the sofa and when he comes to bed, he sleeps next to me but doesn't touch me at all. I have told him how much it upsets me that we are no longer intimate and that in order for our relationship to survive, I need him to be intimate with me or at least tell me why is not. We have slept together twice in the past 2 months. I have tried to all sorts of things to sort this out (talking to him, explaining to him how much it affects me, wearing nice clothes, having a new haircut, cooking him a nice meal etc.) but he tells me that sex is not everything. We used to have a good sex life and it drives me mad that he suddenly says he doesn't need it and I should stop going on about it. Please help me!

Sorry, I was meant to say that we have slept together twice in the past 7 months, not 2 months - I would not be complaining if that was the case!

I think lots of men can be a bit odd about sex after witnessing the birth of their children. Suddenly, they see what else the fanjo is for, and it can be quite traumatic (though not as blardy traumatic as it is for us!). And you're also suddenly the mother of his child - not 'just' a partner anymore.

Just take it slowly - cuddles and the like first. Maybe suggest counselling?

Hope things work out - I'm sure they will.

hi

how are things with you otherwise? are you making time for each other to talk and just be 'together'.

Was he at the business end for the birth? Quite common to be 'put off' apparently

All through my pgy, this was one of the things that worried dp. Apparently, the vast majority of his mates (with children) told him that he would be put off sex for aaaaaages afterwards.

It seems to be really normal.

It is obviously affecting your relationship though so you do need to fix it, but try not to worry that he has gone off you or doesn't find you attractive, he does, he's just struggling with the whole "birth" thing

The first thing to point out to him, as calmly as possible, is that a situation where one partner is content but the other is very unhappy is not a situation that can continue. It's not fair to make a unilateral decision (eg that there will be no more sex in your marriage) and refuse to discuss it with your partner.
Whatever his reasons for not wanting to have sex, he needs to acknowledge that your feelings matter as well as his, and that the two of you have to work out together the best way to make things good between you.

It's not unusual at all for parents of newborns and young babies to have much less sex than they used to (tiredness and adjusting to your new life as parents have a huge effect on the couple-relationship in most cases) but it's very important to keep communicating with each other and remembering that the other person is more than just 'mummy/daddy'. Can you get someone to babysit now and again so you can go out and do something as a couple, for instance?

To frankbestfriend: My hubby was present at birth but stood by my shoulder because he'd heard about not 'seeing it all'.
To nuclear: Things are strained, I don't even want a kiss from him when he leaves for work because he would only kiss me on my cheek, not lips. He only treats me as a mother of his child, not his woman. I am quite a confident woman and my friends tell me that I can have any man I want because of my looks so I don't understand why I don't turn my husband on anymore. I feel I have lost worth as a woman and it pains me really badly.

I think that if this was the other way round - we would be clearly saying that the chap should take it slowly, take the pressure off, encourage him to be in the same bed to start with - you are not going to jump him in the night.
then gently bit by bit let him become more comfortable but all with knowing that you will wait until he is ready.

Good luck

you need to start communicating with him. This is clearly upsetting you and he deserves to know how much this is affecting you and you deserve to be heard.

One of the hardest challenges I have found in being a mum is switching roles from being a mum to a 'sexy' wife. This is not easy especially if you have had a hard day.

One of the best pieces of advice I got once from a mum of a 'brood' was to store up any complements that dh gives you in a special place in your mind and draw on them for your 'intimate moments'.