DH working away/abroad can it work?

[seebothsides]

I am a regular but thought it best to name change for this.

There is a chance that in the near future (next year) I will go back to my own country, this is something I am longing for. However DH would have to stay and continue to work abroad. Hopefully this wouldn´t be forever but in the first instance there would be no other option.

We have two DC with the youngest being 6 months. I already feel like a single parent for the best part of the week as DH works very long hours but at least in my own country I will have a much better support network.

What I really want to know is can it work and how much of a negative impact will it have on my DC especially the older one who will be 3 by then - can anyone advise please.

My partner works away for four weeks at a time then four weks back at home, it works perfectly, we miss each other when not together, and get excited about him comming back, it keeps it fresh, we've been together 6 years and have one ds and another on the way.

My DH worked in a different country for 2 non-consecutive years when our DDs were still young (though a bit older than yours). It was really really hard on them, DD1 in particular hated it every time he left after a visit and DD2 didn't have a very strong bond with him until we were all back under the same roof full time. To us it felt like living in limbo - we couldn't grow and develop as a family because we weren't sharing the everyday stuff.

If it is going to work it needs to be short-term, IME. Also you need an incredibly strong marriage and good communication - so that resentments don't have a chance to build up - and total agreement about doing it in the first place, and how it is going to work.

How does your DH feel about you moving away with the children? How long would the situation realistically last?

Thanks for the advice!

castille - what you describe happening to your family is exactly what scares me, the older DS missing his daddy and the younger DS not developing a bond.

Obviously DH isn´t over the moon about the situation but he realises it is the only solution for the time being. We hope it wouldn´t have to last for more than a year. I think that would be bearable but I agree with castille it does need to be short-term.

Thanks again

Hello,

I don't have children myself but I do have an english DP and I am Australian.

We met 4 years ago, and largely have been living separately since. We spend about 4 months of the year together. It is exceptionally difficult and wouldn't want to carry on doing it forever, but I am almost finished my university degree, so am continuing in Australia while I do that. He is a professional musician so for obvious reasons can't live here permanently.

All I can say is our phone bills are huge, but the four months out of the year we're together are bliss, and I cannot wait until the day I am finished my degrees and we can live together again.

Not sure if I'd put myself in this situation if I had any other choice though? Perhaps what you feel is homesickness? I don't know how long you've lived abroad for but for me when I've been in the UK for an extended period, sometimes coming home for as little as 3 weeks has helped, and I feel much better when I do return to the UK again?

Good luck!

DH has been away for almost six months now, he comes home every other weekend & we have 2 DDs, aged 2.5 and 13 months.

I'm not sure what the DDs make of it tbh. I think DD1 has got used to it but DD2 cries every time she sees him & won't be left alone with him, as if he were a total stranger.

I've found it quite lonely, and I couldn't live like this for any length of time, luckily he's coming home permanently in a few weeks. I think maybe it would be easier if the DDs were older, and slightly less demanding!

Lucy87

do i know you?!

obviously you can't answer that as you don't know if you know me...

are you really called lucy, or something else?