Calling any wives/hubbys turned detective - help needed...

[stirlingdetective]

I am thinking of getting one of the Sim card readers that will resurrect deleted texts/call details (have heard about them on here before) and wondered if anyone else has bought one and whether it really works.

I have found them on ebay for £40 which is a lot of money so want to be sure before I do. Or is there anywhere else that might sell them cheaper?

I am at the end of my tether with lying h and just want to know the truth about how much contact he has with ow!

Any advice greatly appreciated.

What makes you think he is lying to you?

I am afraid I know - he has been having an affair for more than a year and has told me on numerous occassions that it is all over but then I find proof that they have contacted each other again - I just want more evidence before I take this further.

But what are you intending to do with the information? If you are just going to use it as proof he is still in contact with a view to him ending the relationship with the OW it probably isnt going to do that is it, you would just make yourself more unhappy.

is he on o2 contract?

oh stirling am sorry you're at this stage again but I happen to think £40 for peace of mind before a life saving decision is well spent

good luck with whatever you decide

stirling- i was around (under different name) during your original thread and think you're doing the right thing- this has been going on for too long now and you deserve piece of mind.

good luck

personally I wouldn't.

If you know he is having an affair, seeing the details in black and white will only serve to make the hurt you are already feeling worse.

Clearly the trust has already been destroyed. Imo what you need to do now is focus on the future. What do you want to do? Do you want to try to make your marriage work, even though you know that he is still lying to you? Or doyou want to move on with your head held high and leave him to his ow?

I think what I want is to know for sure one way or the other - If I ask him outright, he lies, even though I have begged for the truth.

The problem is that it is a company mobile and no bill is sent so I cannot get at that info.

I dont think it will hurt anymore - I have been hurt so much, finding out the total truth will just set my mind at rest.

wilywombat - I dont intend to use the info to ask him to end the relationship, I dont think he is capable of that!!

I will just know where I stand and then I can decide what I want to do next.

why not go the whole hog and look at how much a private detective would cost? if he is still in contact with her, confirmation by an impartial person would make it harder for your husband to try and wriggle off the hook.

if you know he has an Ow why does it matter how much contact he has? surely any contact should be enough to kick his cheating arse out in the cold?

That is the decision I am about to make Mamazon

oh stirling
I know how much work you have done to try and make it work.

I do understand that you want the proof to confront him but i also feel that even if you have it he will still have other info that you will never know.

I would say - save your money (put it towards a better solicitor), tell him you know he is lying - you dont have to tell him how you know but if he wants to deny it then he can in court later, as it will look bad on him if he continues to lie.
Say you are going to divorce him for adultry and tell him to leave.

He will continue to lie to you until you make the move. He has got away with it for so long and probably cant stop now.

You are strong and deserve so much more than this - he is just too weak to stop contact.

My friend has had this too and believe me he will continue until you put a stop to it. However bad he feels he wants you to throw him out so he can be the victim again.

Good luck and if you want to chat please cat me or emial me if you know who i am.

Thanks HW, That means alot.

I shall try and contact you later if I can.

please do - it has taken you a long time to get to this point.

You have done all you can to save your marriage and he seems incapable of being deceint enough to be honest with you.

Hold your head high and know that it is him that has destroyed this not you (although i am sure he will tell you how hard you are to live with ).

You know you dont have to put up with his childish lies - so now make him know it too.

With you all the way.

SD, are you at a point where you can end your relationship? He actually sounds quite cowardly, almost as though he is waiting for you to be the one to call time on your marriage. It's very hard being the one to say 'It's over', especially if you want to be in another relationship.

Yes, I feel I could now end this relationship and know in my heart that I have done all I can. I wonder how I could have ever loved this man so much. You just never know someone - not totally.

This shows how far I have come - I used to hate the fact that he may end up with ow and now I think that they deserve each other - she is welcome to his shitty ways and dirty clothes - lets see if the sun is still shining out of his arse in a years time.

Depending on what you want to happen to your marriage, is it worth paying for a private detective to get the necessary proof for his adultery and then serve the necessary divorce papers ?

This is obviously making you feel awful and maybe you need to take control of the situation and call his bluff.

surely if the trust is gone this badly it's over anyway no?
what willl happen if dh finds out?

Stirling i know how hard it is to rebuild the trust and my h has worked very hard to help me - but i still dont think i ever will again totally - it is something we are both going to have to live with.

But it is obvious your h really does not respect your feelings at all - he doesnt care that the one condition you have put (to know about any further contact) is being broken.

You Will be ok - and i think that if you take the control back you will begin to feel a lot stronger.

good luck to you.

flexispy.com

I thought the same and iwas right