How would you know if you were a sex addict?

[feelingveryashamed]

Ok, now I know people are going to think this is a troll but I can assure you I am a very regular poster and usually post elsewhere on serious topics, so please be kind.

I am concerned about my behaviour. I feel the need to have sex a lot but don't wish it to be part of an emotional experience (which is different from how I felt about it years ago). If I have had several weeks without it, it dominates my thoughts and I start searching around for someone to fulfill my 'needs' (usually a male friend). When I'm with someone, I feel kind of detached from the whole experience. I don't feel embarrassed that I'm getting intimate with a man I don't know well. Sometimes I put myself in potentially dangerous situations and I go on dates just because I think I will be able to get sex at the end.

I wouldn't sleep with just anyone - they have to be attractive and a nice person. But I tend to see men quite objectively. And people have commented that my approach to the whole thing is 'like a man', whatever that means.

If I need help, who should I be seeing about this? Do you think my behaviour sounds unhealthy? Because I have not felt like this in the past, I am thinking maybe it is a problem. And if I told any of this to female friends I know they would be horrified.

Can you see your G.P for some advice?

Also yes i do think your behavioue sounds unhealthy especially if your putting yourself in danger or inapropriate situations just to have sex.

It is very good that you can see what your doing and recognise that you mau have a problem though.

God, I would cringe to speak to the GP charlee!

I don't think you have a problem, but I would be concerned about you putting your health and safety at risk. If you think you have issues with intimacy etc though, why not see a counsellor for a few weeks?

Oh my......

If I told you my usual posting name is BandofMothers then do I know you?????
Something in your post reminds me of one of my rl friends who is a regular on MN.

Putting yourself in danger is not a good idea. However, wanting sex without 'commitment' is not wrong in the least as long as you are not lying to anyone or pressuring a reluctant partner.

Now, while you could seek 'therapy' and be vigorously re-educated according to the therapist's prejudices ('if you don't want 'love' there must be something wrong with you'), a probably better alternative might be to try the swinging scene. At swingers' clubs, everyone is pretty much up for sex but also 'safe' as in condoms must be used and rude grabby behaviour is not tolerated. If you go along as a single woman, you will be fussed over and adored, and will be able to have as much sex as you want. I don't know whereabouts in the country you are but there will be at least one place near you.

However, if you find that you need the element of 'danger' to get satisfaction, or feel a compulsion to stir things up and get potential partners to fight over you or stuff like that, then you probably do need some sort of counselling but if this is so your problems are more complex than the amount of sex you want.

I think counselling sounds like a good idea here (but probably not your GP!). I don't think I'd use the term 'sex addict', it just sounds like you have some odd behaviour here, that you might want to change.

(What changed, that made you change your attitude to sex?)

alot worse things you could be addicted to..

Thanks for replies.

No, I don't think I know you bandofmothers. In fact, nobody in RL knows about this because I think they would judge me for it. WRT seeing the GP, he must already have a big file on me and it's so embarrassing tbh. I have mental health problems anyway so maybe this is related?

FVA:Depends what your mental health problems are. Have you recently stopped/started/changed medication for these (or anything else)? SOme medications do have an effect on the libido (though it is more usual for medications to reduce the libido).
Also, it could be age/hormone related. Bear in mind that I don't know you and am not trying to be insulting - but are you near 40 or over 40? SOmetimes getting near the menopause can make women much hornier than they used to be.

As I said before, wanting lots of sex isn't wrong: finding a way of getting it safely and ethically is best, but if that doesn;t suit you then there may be other issues that need addressing.