I go to MN xmas do - and my family gets all complicated...overnight.

[Tortington]

ring dh this morning whilst i am on a train thats freezing cold to ask him to pick me up from station in a couple of hours.

"fine" says he..."did dd say she was stopping out last night?"

err no

"well she did"

"you mean you dont know where she is?"

"No"

BANG BANG BANG 4th july is playing ;happy hangover'

"ring you later when i gt near home says i".

2hours later

i ring dh and ask him to pick me up from the station near to where her friends live.

i stand in the pissing rain.
freezing my tits off.

ring dh....twice.

he then comes driving up

i get in, "just been to her friends, they say shes not there"

he was trying to minimize damage before i lost the plot and therefore made me wet and cold - made me more angry.

"something is fishy at x's house"
we go back to the house where my oldest son is crashing at the moment - after he walked out, after i asked his GF to leave...for being complicit in a lie with ds ..to me.

x - is v. shifty, its a 'crash' house, where teens go to partyish.

my eldest sons gf comes down and says ' E asked to use my phone to text someone at around 10, think the is at another friends house.

X looking v. shifty - the whole thing isn't adding up.

i scream at dh to go upstairs and get her

she was hiding in a wardrobe.

overwhelmed at the crushing shitness of what DH and dd have done we bundle her of to car.

THUMP THUMP THUMP - hangover subsiding, i need food, quite frankly 'MN doo' canpoes are lovely if your a midget with a small appetite - but i'm not - we go to tesco.

dh goes in to get a couple of things.

dd and i sit in silence - i am thinking things through and it occurred to me that eldest ds - who has monumentally fucked up his and mine once great relationship - apologised last week lied for his sister - but didn't think that i might be fucking frantic about where my daughter was.

it occured to me that the gf had come downstairs and barefaced lied to dh and i

i told dh to go back.

he started shouting that i was going to ruin the relationship with my eldest by going off on a huge row.

i was seething.

once there, the GF had left for work, i told ds that i can't believe they did this and that SHE did it AGAIN!

dh - who really doesn't have an opinion on anything, decreed that she wasn't to darken the door again.

i am livid at everyone - and i look like the bad bastard - how the fuck did that happen.

dh - incompetant fuck wit
dd - liar
ds - liar
GF - liar

dd apologiesed accepted her punishment

ds didn't turn up to family sunday lunch at BILs
neither did i, i would have ripped the gf a new tit

no advice thanks, just pissed off i can't go for a fucking night out without monumental fuck ups.

dh is a total wanker. we didn't talk about it very much.

Maybe we should swap. Would yours get me pregnant?

no vasectomy- he is a self obsessed moron

you see mine might me an occasional twat but those sperm are still active so I am clinging on

she is 15.

iam seriously gunning for gf.

if she had phoned and asked - we would have prolly sai yes...thats the fuse blower. grrrrr

you want more babies tsap? i thought you were skint

I am skint and know we can never have any more I can still want though, safe int he knowledge that dp will not comply.

My sister has agreed to pay more rent though so at the moment we are now more financially challenged than skint.

People with less have babies.

It sounds like your DH is allowing them all to think it's OK to lie to you, because he won't make himself unpopular by being the grown up here.
We have a watered-down version of this in our house. (I say watered-down because my kids are younger than yours, but I fully predict these sorts of issues in future).
It's disrespectful to you, and it's a bastard to always have to be the responsible one, isn't it?
I sympathise.

I think the GF is trying to assert her power over your son, she is sending a message to you about what she can do and get away with.

I agree you need to be careful, although I am a great one for charging in myself.

mum trumps gf - long term i think. so i will have my piece, he wont come to see me anyway, and hasn;t been here except to collect his birthday present.

i think she will be v. worried right now.

her mum chucked her out after agreeing to have her back - becuase her mum is just a horrible person.

so they are both crashing at this house.

the tenant of which, siad to me " can you ds go home, its too difficult having two of them"

i told her that ds walked out, that our home will always be his home.

but he won't come now!

oh no! ss

Doesn't sound good custy - and def not what you need with a hangover.

Hopefully he will see sense with the GF. I don't get why they feel they have to live together so young these days - I sound like an old fogey.

Sally - hope all ok with you.

Oh no.

That's not what you need at all, especially not on a freezing Sunday morning with a hangover.

Agree the gf sounds v difficult to handle.

Your son will be back in time, I reckon.

Pretty much all the teenagers I've ever met have been capable of being utterly thoughtless- so maybe it's important to remember that they probably didn't deliberately worry you frantic. The lying was well out of order though. And key- they tried to lie their way out of trouble because they were too airbrained and egocentric to see that it would make things far worse as your anger was connected with worry for your daughter and your son. I think once you feel less angry it might be worth explaining in words of one syllable to your daughter (and ds1 if he's ready to hear it) that you were worried frantic. Sometimes people don't get that the mightily angry response is connected to frantic worry, I think.

A bit of me laughed at your dd hiding in the wardrobe, though! Classic- that will probably pass into family legend once everyone's a lot calmer. (about 5 years?!)

What was ds2 doing while all thios was happening? Is he basking in the light of being the only one not in disgrace?

Hope you feel better about it all soon. I have a shoe of yours. btw.

Sally- hope you're ok too.. I'm really sorry things are all pear shaped. I had such a nice night and now 2 of the people who made it so nice are feeling crap.

I don't like the sound of your son's girlfriend!

It sounds like she rubs other people up the wrong way all the time. Might not be totally her fault as you say she has had a difficult home life.

However from your POV, the odds are increasing that your ds will get fed up with her soon. She will do something disrespectful to him. As she and your ds are spending so much time together, the cracks will show up that much quicker. Hopefully.

I can well see why you are cross with your dh and his lack of spine this weekend!

quick hijack

Hi scummy - sounds like you had a good evening. I wish I could have made the meal but I am unusually busy at the moment, at work and at home. (Christmas events to plan and MIL visit at Christmas)- have not been on MN much for the same reason.

Hope all is well with you.

cheers girls, i think you are right i will make effort to go to son and explain things, or else this impasse could go on for years
i know - the shoe arrrrrrr i only have one shoe!

scummy please could you send me your address, i have somethng need to sendto you - perhas in return, you could send my shoe?

ooh GF does sound like an utter bitch.

I can sooooooooooooo wait til mine are teenagers.

Poor custy, don't worry, it'll all come out in the wash. Pity your DH can't be a bit more helpful tho, men, they're just crap.

Still love the phrase fuckwit, well done bridget

Hi tiger. Sorry to miss you too.

custy- i will email you.