How do I help friends with a troubled marriage?

[BarnMummy]

We have just seen some friends we hadn't seen in a while and discovered that basically their marriage is seriously rocky.

Only the wife told us of the problems - she says her dh won't talk about it at all. All he said to us was that he was stressed about redundancies at work.

Without wanting to broadcast their private details on the internet, I would like some advice on how to be helpful: not only are they friends, but they have 2 dcs: a ds of 3 and a dd of 6 months.

What I really want to know is whether we should just carry on as if we didn't know about the problems (i.e. butt out), or make it clear that we acknowledge (although make no judgment about) the situation.

MN's opinion please?

can you suggest Relate to them? I know a few couples who have found them extremely helpful

Thank you: I had thought about suggesting counselling / Relate, but my dh tells me that the wife has already suggested this. (I hope this is a good sign, even if the husband isn't prepared to go at the moment)

Korma (love the name, by the way) - I think you are probably right: this was my first reaction, but I just wanted other people's thoughts.

I'd just be there for them. Maybe offer to babysit so they can get out together. It's never easy when you have a littlie. It's just a sad situation when kids are involved.

Tell the wife to read "Fascinating Womanhood". It's a marriage-advice book that changes everything, it's very helpful in understanding men, changing the dynamic of relationships and breaking down a man's "wall of reserve" and getting to him (eventually) to talk.

My marriage was s-h-i-t-e then I read the book and followed the principles, and it's lovely now.

It's old-fashioned, VERY old-fashioned, but it does give a miraculous change if you follow what she says. And, she can do the work without her DH having to know about it.

Whenever we have had friends who have had less serious problems - just the usual rows we have tried to make them see that they are a normal part of life and that we all go through such rough times now and again.

Try and be supportive without looing like you are interfering.

I am a firm believer in lots of talking - and it would be a good idea to try and get the h to talk and at least acknowledge there is a problem in the first place.