Do you find it hard to play with your children?

[CharleeInChains]

I wasn't sure where to put this so sorry if its in the wrong place.

Anyway.

I am finding it a real struggle to play and entertain my two sons (2 and 4yrs)

I feel it is really important that i play with them as at the moment they are getting reall bored and we are spending the weekedns yelling at each other and we all end up in tears and i figure its becuase they are bored.

I never had toys to play with as a child as my mum couldn't afford them and mum and dad were both working all the time so i didn't have them to play with me either.

My games all came out my imagination and now as an adult i don't know how to play with toys and games and i am finding it hard to show my ds's how to use there imagination to play.

They are unfortunatley ending up alot of the time being put in front of the television which although i havent anything anaint the tv i don't want them to rely on it to entertain themselves.

Like i say they are so bored they are crying and whinging all day and demanding food and drink all day and in the words of Charlotte Church - they are driving me to insanity. Hence me ending up in tears becuase i just can't hack the screaming.

I have tried to get own on the floor and join in thier games but i feel so awkward and out of places it's really hard.

When its wether permitting i take them to the park and ds1 is in nursery mon to fri and ds2 is in nursery monday and friday.

I need some helpfull, friendly advice please!

poor you - i felt like this sometimes too. i remember looking at dc1 aged 3 weeks and thinking 'what on earth do i do NOW to keep him entertained?'

It's great you understand how important it is to play with them. I wish i'd played more with mine when they were little - they don't want to play with me now they are older teenagers!

Maybe think about all the things they like doing and pick one or two that you feel most comfortable with, and set aside a specific time to do it,

or maybe just start by watching TV with them - watch a programme together and talk about it afterwards.

the main thing is that they know you are with them at the time, doing something all together.

The more you do it, the more you'll get used to it and get to know what they want I think. How about starting off with simple classics like hide and seek?
Making a mess is fun no matter what, my ds is only 15m, but we throw and kick ballons around house, we put music on and have little parties, sometimes have lunch like a picnic on blanket on living room floor, we play with bubbles, we use paint alot too, I put an old sheet down and paint our feet and we run around living room (have to be careful what paint you get and that it will come out).
Books are good as well, go to the library and borrow a selection, and you can get the 4yo to make up bits as you go along and find what they enjoy that way.
What about baking cakes?

Try the book Playful Parenting

a work of utter genious, you will not regret reading it

durr genius even

I find it hard too. When my DSs were the same age as your two, i played this game with them, and actually quite enjoyed it.
We had a sunsafe pop-up tent for the beach. I used to put it up in the sitting room, put all the cushions in it, then get all their cuddly toys in. We then used to sit in it together, pretend we were camping, in a rocket, boat or whatever took their fancy. It was lovely and cosy.
We also made dens with sheets. Junk modelling was also an enjoyable activity. If you paint the model it can take 2-3 hours easily.

Littleboyblue has some good ideas and as missingtheaction says pick something you feel comfortable with.

Children don't have to have loads of toys or games or to be played with a lot tbh. Maybe you are trying to compensate for your own children and getting too involved (?)

Ime children like quite basic things such as playgough, colouring in etc. Have your dsses got any favourite toys or games?

I've spent loads of money on toys and his favourite is without a doubt the ballon! I know what he's getting for xmas this year, a whole pack!
I haven't tried playdough yet as he'd only eat it, bt crayons and colouring must be a great way to inspire imagination.
Goodluck.

Charlee -

You have a wonderful gift! ("My games all came out my imagination") If your own childhood games arose in this way, you can do it for your DCs as well.

Mine are now 4 and 6, and we have spent the last 5 years playing.

Fail-safe playing:

Lego, Lego and more Lego (or big Mega-blocks in our case). They are still played with now. DS used to build huge towers, and I'd then hide things in them (little farm animals or whatever) that he could find. I'd pretend I couldn't see them, and he could then surprise me. He used to love this!!

Junk modelling (which we've been doing again this weekend). Anything that involves glue, sellotape and felt-tips (if you can't face paint, which I couldn't this weekend)!

Hide and seek. I used to hide the same farm animals under the rugs and things - and, again, feign great surprise when they found them.

Put a sheet over the kitchen table and turn it into a tent. DS used to do 'DIY' in this 'house'.

Get some rocket balloons and blow them up and let them go again. Instant entertainment!

Another of DS's old favourites (when I was pg with DD) was 'hunt the breast pads' . Another variation on the 'hide and seek' theme...

DD liked Playdoh. She now wants to play 'schools' with me - I have to line up with all her cuddly animals while she's the teacher. She also likes playing anything that involves tea-parties, dolls, and My Little Ponies. We also have to play Cinderella and the Handsome Prince, where I have to go knocking on all the animals' doors until I find the princess (i.e. her!)

Once you get into it, playing with children can be really lovely. I am sorry mine are now at school!

Thanks for all your suggestions they are really helpfull.

We do the picnic on the carpet thing with the teddy bears - the kids love that after a morning at achool.

I do making funny faces with thier dinner - (as we speak they are tucking into runner bean hair and fishfinger smiles!)

We do alot of bubbles as ds1 has them for part of his physiotherapy.

They are very demanding, energetic little boys.

Thanks again for your suggestions.

charlee - I find it hard to play with my boys for an extended period. I tend to find that I can set them up for a game adn then they will get into it themselves.

Sometimes I love playing but sometimes I find it dull

I know though the feeling awkward. But the more you do it the more they like it.

I found cooking a good way of doing stuff together (but don't getr stressed by the mess!)

I could have written that OP, Charlee. I still find it very difficult and my children are a little bit older than yours (7, 5 +3)

To get motivated, give yourself loads of praise every time you play with them because you know they love it and learn loads from it and bond even more with you. I have a kind of rough star chart for myself where I list each activity I've done with the kids along with each bit of housework so I can see how much I've achieved in the day, but next to the children's activities I put a star because this is more important than housework. I feel motivated to get more stars on my list for that day, it really does work for me!

It can be boring if you do it all day, so don't. It is important for them to learn how to play independently as well. Do it in lots of short bursts rather than spending ages on it and getting bored/fed up.

I agree with LittleBoyBlue, the more you practice doing these things which your parents never role modelled for you, the more natural it becomes. It is really good that you are breaking away from their style of parenting.

Children are really happy with the simplest thing you do with them it doesn't have to be mega clever. My DD (5) was really happy this morning drawing a picture while I sat with her and drew one as well and we talked about what we were drawing, much happier than if she was left to do drawing on her own. Then she told me what she wanted to make (with paper, cellotape and scissors) and the bits she couldn't do herself she asked me to do. Most of the time I let her direct what we are doing and I just help.

DS (3) has no interest in art and craft at all and games with him seem to involve more stupidity eg. balancing a little box on top of the stair gate which blocks off the kitchen and saying "Little pig let me in, not by the hair etc" then blowing the box until it falls off the gate, or even more stupid "you go in the lounge and wait for me, what animal do you think I will be" then crawl in pretending to be a pig/dog/cat etc whereupon he normally runs at me and gets on top of me and 'beats me up'. He finds it all hilarious.

DH doesn't make any effort to be 'educational' just pretends to be a monster and 'gets' them and tickles them and they are happy with that.

If I feel really tired and unmotivated I just sit/lie around and watch what they are doing and 'comment' on it and ask them questions about what they are doing and say things to make them laugh.

I'm only just getting into all this because like you, my parents didn't do any of this stuff so it didn't come naturally to me at first. Thinking about how good I feel about my life with DH and the kids recently I'm realising I must have been quite depressed for ages before and hardly did anything with the kids and had no enthusiasm for doing anything either. I felt detached from everyone and detached from my life, just getting through each day rather than enjoying things.

A star chart for yourself - what an ace idea! I agree about the short bursts - you can tell them you'll start off their game for 15 mins, then it's up to them, and they'll no doubt be happy with that.
A small amount of input makes a huge difference and you've got a 'get out clause' for when it starts to become tiresome.
To my shame, I sometimes used to say to my LOs 'I'm not your friend, I'm your mum', so you're not the only one who finds it hard.
I think I was played out by the time DS3 came along, poor thing.

I would like to thank you all again i seriously thought i was going to get some stick writing that OP.

I have just done a puzzle a couple of times with ds1 that he is perfectly capeable of doing himself but he seemed to really enjoy me helping him.

That's nice Charlee.

There is a skill in playing with children - it's so hard!

The best advice I heard was from a TV show with a child psychotherapist (odd viewing habbits I know!) who said the easiest "way in" to children's games was to get down to theri level and describe what they are doing to them - it's gets the conversation going and then you're away.

Something like getting the puzzles out and saying "So you're going to do the teddy one first?" and "you're putting that bit in now" or "you've finished with that one now".

It stops the dcs feeling like they're being interrogated - no what/where/why/how questions which can be stressful. And also stops you taking over and spoiling their fun.

You know what I mean...when they mix the farm set up with the garage and park a cow in the car wash - and before you know it you've said "oh no - cows live on farms don't they" and moved it. IME that tends to stop games straightaway and lead to dcs thinking they have to do things your way.

You sound as thoough you are really putting a huge amount into your boys - good for you.

Acting normal - my DS would have loved that little pig game when he was younger!! I wish I'd thought of that one!!

I do sometimes still use the kitchen timer and will play until it rings, whereupon I do something thrilling like the washing up...

Playdoh modelling and drawing are really the most enjoyable things I do with my lot. I think it helps enormously if you genuinely enjoy what you are doing - so finding common interests is the way forward IMO.

I feel your pain! I have always loathed it, and now DS1 is 5 we tend to rely on the PlayStation, as we both genuinely like playing on that.

The most successful made-up game I invented in our house was "balloon attack". You throw a balloon at each other, each time assigning some horrible event to it before you chuck it. For example, "Getting stung my bees attack!" then throw it 7 if it hits them, they scream like they're being stung. Then "No presents for your birthday attack!" and they have to pretend they didn't get any pre... well, you get the idea.

I avoided baking, painting and gluey activities because the mess far outweighed the fun.

just want to thank the OP and all who replied on this thread. I am hopeless at playing with my ds, who is only 18mo. Trying to do anything like drawing scribbling with crayons or similar "organised" activities seem to bore him rigid and I end up getting annoyed at setting things up which he then doesn't want to do.

Following the advice on this thread I got out all the megablocks we own yesterday and sat on the floor with ds, we built a huge tower using every single block, then he knocked it down. I put the blocks together in their colour groups and he took them all apart. then I sat on the floor next to him while he chucked all the bricks around. I can't tell you how delighted he was just to have me on the floor playing with him, and I enjoyed it too - usually I get so bored after 2 minutes that I leave him to his own devices and then feel guilty. so yesterday was a HUGE breakthrough for me - thank you!

Try to relax, its not easy if doing this doesnt come naturally! Watch what they do and try to join in as well, but dont take over! We recently had great fun mucking about with leaves in the garden, they thought they were helping me and I thought I was playing with them

Many of DDs games come out of her imagination (and I have her grandma to thank for that who spends ages playing lets pretend).

How about reenacting a scene from their favorite film/tv show. We play Cinderella, sleeping beauty, monsters Inc. Get some random clothes to dress up and they will love it (eg, DD wears an old pink sarong of mine and she becomes Boo from Monstors Inc). The best present I brought her was her doctors set and I often start her off by being the patient and then tell her to look after her dolls.

I agree that short bursts to get them started off and then intervene at intervals will stop you getting bored (which to my shame, I have a low boredom threshold!)

(I am not practicing what I preach at the moment, I am recovering from a tummy bug so am unashamedly letting her watch as much TV as she likes)

What an honest, refreshing thread. Thanks Charlee!

I feel so guilty about how bad I am at playing with dds (2 & 8). I am working fulltime away from how (can't remmeber acronym!).

With my 8 year old I love reading to her or watching a priogramme and talking about it with her.
But I am CRAP at on the floor imagintaive play...and lego...and so on. She's gievn up asking me. the 2 year old still does. But I guess she'll give up soon.

I get so bored.

There I said it. I feel like such a bad parent and a failure. I am great at earning...shit at playing.

But you have been given some great adbvice! Hope it works for you.

I find it hard for games which I don't enjoy (eg playing cars) but I can do certain things for ages, eg read to them, do the same puzzles over and over.

This weekend we had a lot of fun doing musical bumps, musical statues and 'puppet shows' from behind the sofa with the puppets along the back of the sofa. We only have a 3 glove puppets so the soft toys get roped in too.