What is this???!!

[CANNOTSLEEPNEEDSLEEP]

I don't know how to say this, and I know it is going to sound awful.
Basically two or three times my dh has reacted, or over-reacted to minor things. I playfully patted his bottom, so he slapped me on my arm hard. That was a couple of months ago. He was apologetic and said he got the wrong end of the stick. I thought ok, although I felt uneasy about things. Since then he hs been ok-ish. Then this evening, we had an arguement because he won't help me build the flat-pack wardrobes for our bedroom, and he punched me on my neck. I stormed off, and he has gone to bed without apologising to me.
It does sound awful doesn't it?
Could he really have made a mistake and not realise that he has hurt me?

You know - the alarm bells for me are not only the punching but the previous history or ignoring you, of phoning people during times you want to talk etc.

That is disrespect. Punching and voilence, in this case - IMO - has developed from the beginning emotional "violence" (abuse) experienced at the hands of this man.

If you ring WA, the number won't show on your bill I don't think.

There is a list on there that includes some examples of DV. In that list is things as "simple" as slapping, pushing, shoving....

No-one would think that a shove = DV (and it doesn't always) but in this context, I'd have a hunch that it is a developing issue that is only going to get worse.

It already has - from "just" being ignored to actively denying you time to talk, to punching you - twice.

IMHO, which may be very hard to read and digest - you need professional help from WA.

There are a lot of people on here who have survived DV and live to tell the tale; don't be a statistic... be a survivor.

Just a thought here. When you hit a man for whatever reason (anger or playful etc) and he hits you back much, much harder it is NOT "self defense" it is revenge and he is showing you who is boss. Self defence is doing the bare minimum to prevent someone from hurting you. Giving you a great big thudding punch back after a slap or throwing a phone etc is not self defense. Just bear that in mind when you are thinking about this situation.

How are you this morning?
I would also say to contact women's aid, at least then you woudl have some idea of what/how you can do things. But please don't put it off. The not listeneing and being 'cold' to you is emotional abuse and it does sound as if it is escalating.

just wondering how you're doing this morning?

Contact women's aid. Even if you feel a fake. Go to the doctor, just to talk about it in confidence.

This can do NO harm, and wehn four years down the line you've realised he won't change, can't change, doesn't want to......... you'll wish that you had listened to conventional wisdom on DA and not thought that you were different.

Been wondering how you feel this morning.

I know it must all seem really hard to put any of the suggestions here into action...I'll bet my last quid you think it most probably will get better...but it wont!

Please take the advice that has been given on this post...a lot of us know what we are talking about.

Good Luck!

How are you today?