Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Cash for wedding present

29 replies

SighSighSigh · 17/03/2005 13:00

A good mate of mine is getting married and has expressed that she would like cash for her wedding gift as she and her dh-to-be already live together, and therefore already have a lot of household goods. However, I can't help feeling like its almost as if we are 'paying' to come to the wedding, and would prefer to give gift vouchers. Has anyone come across this situation before? What did you do - did you respect the bride's wishes?

OP posts:

Cod · 17/03/2005 13:00

Message withdrawn

vict17 · 17/03/2005 13:02

I think I would buy them something eg vase or similar and ignore cash request tbh

sweetmonkey · 17/03/2005 13:02

im in same situation , have been invited to a wedding of a couple who have almost everything they need, they asked for gardening vouchers so they can decorate their garden in time for summer
they can buy furniture for outside then or flowers etc,
not sure how much to get though

RudyDudy · 17/03/2005 13:03

imo wedding lists / requests are just a guide and any couple would be happy to receive vouchers if you are uncomfortable giving cash. Probably their main concern is ending up with lots of stuff they already have / have no room for. I'm sure they'd be happy to be able to choose something themselves. I too am uncomfortable giving cash as a present so would probably give vouchers.

Bonkerz · 17/03/2005 13:04

Dh and i asked for cash or argos vouchers for our wedding. We used the cash to make our honeymoon extra special and put the vouchers towards a new tv etc for the bedroom. We also got small items as pressies like photo frames etc. I think i would rather give people money or vouchers especially if they have asked for it as otherwise they will end up with 3 toasters etc.....

Cod · 17/03/2005 13:04

Message withdrawn

vict17 · 17/03/2005 13:05

I think it's okay to tell people you want vouvhers if they ask (never put it in the invitiation) but asking for cash is a bit cheeky imo

vict17 · 17/03/2005 13:07

similarthreadhere - warning, it did get a bit controversial!!!

CountessDracula · 17/03/2005 13:09

Get them some domestos and mr sheen to clean their existing household goods. You can never have too much you know

evasmom · 17/03/2005 13:10

When we got married we requested money or vouchers as we already lived together and had most of the smaller items already - we needed new bedroom furniture and thats what most of the money went towards (and a tumble dryer!) to be honest I really worried about asking for money or vouchers but most people didnt mind - we did get a few presents and you wouldnt believe the amount of photo frames we got most of which are now in the loft - so if you ask me I'd rather give someone money or vouchers knowing it was going to be put towards something than by a present that just gets shoved in a draw

Gwenick · 17/03/2005 13:11

we got lots of cash gifts at our wedding - very common out there though

Cod · 17/03/2005 13:32

Message withdrawn

bundle · 17/03/2005 13:33

we had a list but as everything got bagsed friends put money in and we bought a tv (so eg my mates from nct class bought us bbc1 )

Jaysmum · 18/03/2005 01:27

Are the couple having a honeymoon?....if so why not get them some currency to spend whilst away....that way you can say you are treating them to a meal or item of their chosing from their holiday destination.....
Personally I think "asking" for cash is a bloody cheek.....

FairyMum · 18/03/2005 07:11

Cheeky and tacky to ask for cash!

dyzzidi · 18/03/2005 08:33

We are getting married in sept and will respond to people who ask what we would like with whatever you like if you are not sure send us vouchers or cash if its easier. We have lots of elderly people coming who don't really get out much and feel they can put £5 in a card and be done with it.

I would not have a wedding list as I feel they dictate how much people should spend. also would not 'ask' for anything and will ony reply if quizzed on what we would like.

I actually feel embarrased recieving any kind of gift so this has been a difficult choice for me.

Also me and DP have decided to giva a percentage of any cash recieved to a local charity which is close to our heart.

Blackduck · 18/03/2005 08:46

i think one of the reasons many people don't like the 'can we have cash' is because you always end up giving more in cash than you would spend on a pressie cos you don't want to appear a cheapskate. So there's a lot of pressure on the giver....those asking for cash probably don't see it that way at all...(well mostly anyway!).

flamesparrow · 18/03/2005 08:48

I'm the bride in all of your situations...

We also have all the household things we need, and don't have any space in our house for all the vases and towels being mentioned.

We have asked for cash so that we can get the big things we need that we can't reasonably ask people to buy us - we need a hoover that works, we will be needing a different car in the very near future (two children won't fit in ours with a pushchair!), we're not having a honeymoon of any sort because of a lack of money and needing to get these other things.

Vouchers may make you feel better, but they wouldn't help us, and would probably end up being used for birthday and christmas presents for people so that we can use the money that we actually need.

Oh, and to say about "asking" for cash is cheeky - so is any wedding gift list. Asking for vouchers or anything else is also cheeky. We have said that although we don't expect gifts, if they wish to give us something....

If people are that upset about the cash, I would actually rather not recieve anything, than have something I wouldn't appreciate.

flamesparrow · 18/03/2005 08:50

Blackduck - That is definately not the case here!!! I don't care what I get, if someone was only planning on spending £4 then give me the £4.

The thought that people would actually do it to get their friends to give them more is horrible!!! I value my friends too much to milk them for money.

ebbie22 · 18/03/2005 08:51

When we got married we didnt ask for anything,not that i believe its wrong to have a wedding list just we would rather see them at our wedding regardless whether they could afford a present....
Although we had a house and a 9 month old at the time,everyone was great,we even got a mircowave....which we didnt have....For the people who wouldnt take no for an answer we just said thomas cook vouchers,to put towards a holidaywith our dd....But everyone got us
holiday vouchers,cash,and spending money,also little presents that mean the world to me.....In the end it was us who felt akward as we got bk from our honeymoon with loads of thank you notes to do....

Blackduck · 18/03/2005 08:52

FS I wasn't saying people do it to get more money, I was saying that having been on the receiving end of such invites that's usually how it turns out. The giver gives more because they don't want to appear mean...the whole thing is fraught

munnzieb · 18/03/2005 08:56

we had a list, althou most ppl just got us argos vouchers, as they already have mos things they need, are they looking to do some DIY? perhaps B&Q vouchers would be good?

would like to point out, althou we did do a list and gave everyone one of the little card things, it was made known to everyone who came that we didn't expect anything, we both said we'd rather have all of our family around us than a heap of pressies from ppl who couldn't be there.

flamesparrow · 18/03/2005 09:08

Ahhh, thought you were saying that we were all milkin our mates .

I normally end up giving more with the list things, but again, it is because I know that they know how much what I'm buying costs!!!!

I would like to see the day that all wedding presents are forgotten. We only did the bloody letter in the first place because my mum didn't want loads of phone calls with people asking what we wanted!!

Original poster

SighSighSigh · 18/03/2005 11:11

it looks like I will have to give cash afterall. I asked friend whether I could give vouchers, and she no as she would rather not be forced to shop in a particular place. I like the idea of the holiday money though.

Now I'll have to decide how much to give them. IKWYM blackduck as I will tend to end up giving more in cash than spending on a present

OP posts:

dyzzidi · 18/03/2005 11:22

I went to a weddingonce where a lot of the friend were skint and they made up a cheque book for the couple including babysitting, dogwalking, ironing and sunday lunch vouchers for the couple to redeem wiht htese friends whenever they wished.

I thought it was a great fun and thoughtful idea!!!

Could you not do this to save the amount of cash the wedding will cost you.

Flip

1 2