Trying to contain jealousy of dh ex.

[mumchie]

OK I know I'm being completly silly but why am I so jealous of my DH'S ex's who are always sending him messages on facebook?

He hasn't seen these particular 2 in ages and I Know I have nothing to worry about but it makes me such a green eyed monster Especially when one of them talks about their 'special memories' their 'great friendship' and always ends it in 'love forever' with tons of kisses!!!!!

Is it normal to feel this way?!!!

Ah Facebook, that great tool for bringing people who normally wouldn't have anything to do with each other into contact....

I think it's normal to feel a bit jealous - these women have bonds with your DH that you are not a part of and that can feel a little threatening sometimes.

How you deal with it is the important thing - you don't want to start trying to control your DH or allowing your jealousy to get out of hand. As long as your DH is not having innappropriate relationships with them, you don't have anything to worry about and shouldn't let it get to you

mumchie - i'm about to hard on you

my first husband, for many reasons, has never re-married or had any children, he has now been with his partner for longer than we were married - she is a NUTTER, she refuses to speak to me, flounces about, sends evil looks my way etc - my EX husband and i, after nearly 20 years since we divorced are resonablly friendly etc.(this does his head in, all he wants is friendly contact, peace and quiet.

she cannot seem to grasp the concept of an EX wife - for heavens sake don't make yourself look such a nutcase, these are EX partners - he is with YOU, cause he wants to be with YOU, not some one from years ago, just let it go and focus on the future

jesuswhatnext - I know it is a nuts to have these feelings and thats why I haven't said anything to DH. I would never ask him to stop communication with them, it wouldn't be fair.

I have never felt jealous about ex's before and don't really know what's bringing it on.

Have been feeling utterly horrible about myself recently though...that mumsy, dowdy old housewife feeling...that could be why.

aww mumchie - be a bit kind to yourself. if you really feel a mumsy dowdy old frump (i bet you arn't btw ) try and cheer yourself up a bit with some pampering etc, it dosen't have to cost a fortune, just maybe find time in the evening for a nice bath, a few smellys, shave your legs, dye your hair, that kind if thing.

focus on YOU and be the woman he met and wanted in the first place, forget about the EXes, thats just what they are!!!! EX!!!

i am a bit scared to go against the tide - but i think you have a right to ask him to stop communicating with exes in certain circumstances.

it depends how long you have been together - how long term your relationship is though.

if he was meeting a woman who was telling him she would always be in love with him, he would have a duty - to her, himself and to you - to make sure she knew she was bang out of order and to either insist that she change her behaviour, or stop seeing her. this is no different because it is not face to face contact.

i think he is being disloyal to you i'm afraid.

these women do have a bond with your husband, and this one in particular may possibly be having trouble understanding that the bond has now been severed. she is online flirting with your dp

Hi mumchie, I don't think you are being silly. They are flirting with each other and you do not like it, fair enough. It's a personal thing, it sounds like it is unacceptable in your book that's why you're uncomfortable with it.

I would not label you as jealous I would say it's inappropriate behaviour on his part. Also the ex woman who talks about their 'special memories' love forever etc is no doubt on an ego trip. Does DH know how you feel about it? Tell him. I wonder how she or he would like to be in your position.

Actually, I don't think YABU either. I will state first and foremost that I do not believe that married couples should live in each others' pockets, and only go out as a couple or any of that stuff. DH and I operate independently of each other quite a lot and he has mates from way back who are female. I have no problem with that because they are just that, mates. BUT, I would feel uncomfortable about what's happening here too.
You are married, and he has therefore stated, publicly and legally, his allegiance to you. No one else has any business to be alluding to romantic pasts/secrets/cuddles/love with YOUR DH. Why would they? What are they trying to prove? It's inappropriate. And I would expect my DH to put them right or at least not to respond or encourage it.
When DH and I first got together, we were at a party where an ex of his was crying in the kitchen all over his shoulder about something or other. It pissed me off, not because there was any danger of him going back to her, but because she had a load of girlfriends there who she could have cried all over. I thought she was trying to signal to me that she had some sort of power over him still. He was doing the old male "but she was upset and I was being kind" routine. The point was, I felt humiliated, which I pointed out to him and asked him not to do that again. Fair enough, he said, and he never has.

i think it would be very reasonable to say that you find it innapprpriate for your dh to reminisce with his ex gf on facebook as it makes you feel insecure, and why wouldn't it. its undermining. Facebook is for kids btw

Ordinarily I'd say anything that makes you uncomfortable is something that you both need take seriously
but
this is something of nothing
you'll look like a nutter
these women will not take your views on board

I don't think it in anyway undermines you and can't see how it does.
However if you are actually feeling a bit down in yourself why not tell him and tell him tha.. that the fbing is compounding it atm so perhaps lay off until you feel fab again