need some advice about a slightly awkward situtation with friend and her boyfriend

[TheBightyMoosh]

Not sure if this is the right place to post this, as it seems quite trivial compared to most issues on here.

Anyway, I'll try and be brief - I have a very good friend - we meet about once every couple of months in a small group. The problem is that my DP stays at home when I'm out on a girls night to look after our DD, and my friend's boyfriend invites himself over so they can have a 'boy's night in'. But my poor DP really dislikes my friend's boyfriend - they have nothing in common, he doesn't initiate any conversation, and is quite opinionated and pompous, so my DP finds these evenings really awkward and unpleasant. I don't really like this guy either, but my friend is so in love with him, there's no way I could say anything to her about it. But how can I go out for a girls night out without this guy inviting himself round and spoiling my DP's quiet night in? My DP can't say he's made plans or anything, because it's obvious he's going to be at home looking after DD.

I don't know if that makes any sense, but I would really like some advice on how to handle it. Thanks.

Lie. Say your dh is going out on the same night & you have a babysitter.

Could he be ill one time? Working from home? Washing his hair?

Tell your friend that your husband has some jobs he wants to get on with around the house, so it's not convenient for her boyfriend to come. And if he turns up anyway, your DP is going to have to say "sorry, it's not a good time". Several times in a row if necessary

It is not compulsory for your partners to be friends just because you are. My DH would run a mile if some of my friends' husbands came round for some sort of bloky bonding session while I was out. He likes to veg in front of the PC without communicating!

I would just say that hes got to do some work from home so is busy

Sat DD is going through a high maintenance patch and keeps waking up if there's any noise in the house whatsoever.

I actually did this once - told a friend that DD was not settling so it wouldn't be much fun for her boyfriend to come over because DH would most likely to reading her stories all night because she was going through a clingy stage. I don't normally like to lie, but its awkward!

The trouble is, Smithagain, is he's the kind of person who would just say something like 'Oh don't worry about me, I don't need entertaining or anything, you carry on with what you're doing...I'll just sit here and watch the news'.

He 'needs' to be around cos he has to take my friend home from our night out (there's a whole other thread about his controlling behaviour!) rather than letting her go home by public transport as they live quite far out of town. Grr.

I think we're just going to have to get very good at lying!

Crying DD would be unlikely to put him off sadly!

Do your PIL or any other family live nearby? Tell them he's taking your DD to visit them

So would the lie about your DH going out and getting a babysitter not work either? Although if he wants to take her home he could just come and get her from whereever you are .

how old is DD? Could DP be taking her somewhere, PIL? round to another (imaginary if necessary) friends house with DD?

Yeah twofalls, it could work - I've got a feeling he would probably try and invite himself along with what DP was saying he was doing!

DD's only 10 months, and no family close by, so that could be difficult - but imaginary friend's house could be a winner - thanks feelingbitbetter.

I feel so bad feeling like this about him - I love my friend dearly, and I want her to be happy, but he just seems so wrong for her - and I hate having to be polite around him for her sake - it just feels so false.

DH has something contagious or DH has work to do might be a better long term excuse.

Hmmm, given he's controlling, I don't really get why you're so eager to not say something to your friend. I'd tell her the truth, well, gently, that your DH doesn't really like her boyfriend.

Could your DH give her a lift home? Would he rather do that than spend an evening with Opinionated McPompousPants? Could you escort her home, somehow?

tummy bug in the house!!!

You could try being almost honest, say something like "DPs just not in the mood, he really wants some time alone after a hectic week".

It's hard to say, but think about it, if someone said it to you would it really sound so bad? (I'm getting better at this as time goes on, life's too short and all that).

Oh, and you must be firm, and don't say "sorry". If you're lucky the obnoxious one may dismiss your DH as a boring old git and go off him altogether.

I expect OO (obnoxious one) will say stuff like "..oh, I'll come round and cheer him up", and you say "no, really, he just wants to veg out on his own".

D&V bug!

I think you should be honest with your friend and say your Dp just wants an evening on his own (which is true).

if excuse unlikely to work then I'd go for dp wanting a night in on his own -in firm way. This does sound baffling behaviour - I'm struggling to think of any of my mates dps who'd do this

I agree with Cadelaide - basically a version of the truth. Say actually DP is really looking forward to a night just him, on his own. That way you're not lying, he hasn't got to pretend to be out. It would irritate me if I was in your DP's position - I love it when DH occasionally goes out without me and I get the house/TV to myself for an evening and then the bed on my own for part of the night etc etc. Sad, but true I think you need to be mostly true about it so that you don't end up in a cycle of excuse after excuse which comes back round to bite you on the bum and you end up falling out with your friend.

and fwiw I agree re pipiing down re saying what you think about him to your mate - unless he does something completely out of order (eg violence) - if she has to choose between you an the oo, its likely to be the oo she goes for

poppy34 - DH and one of my friends DH so this when we have girlie nights - they sit in with a curry and DVD/Wii - the difference: they are mates

thats fair enough weegle -but dont think this is situation here