Do you 'hold it together' for the children?

[OrmIrian]

When you are upset by something, do you keep a stiff upper lip or let it all hang out? I've read many times on here that you shouldn't cry in front of children. DH agrees. I can't do that. I just can't. If I'm upset I cry.

I can deal with all the logistical hassles of 3 DC/school/bedtime/work, worrying about school, worrying about money, worrying about my job (and whether I will have one in 6 months time ), budgeting, housework and the usual rushing around chasing my tail. And all the extra little things that come up from time to time. I absorb it like a sponge. All the stress and tiredness. Sometimes i feel as if I'm holding all our lives together by sheer willpower. But something that affects me emotionally will make me weep like a tap.

I think it's normal. At least I thought it was, but now I've realised that my DC tend to try to protect me sometimes, make me feel better, and I think that is the wrong way round. It's me that should be protecting them. No?

How do you make yourself get a grip? I want to be strong, grow some cojones I guess.

It's OK to cry in front of your children occasionally.

My H has just left us and I have become an expert on holding things togehter lately. ~We had just moved to a new area, kids had new school with no friends and Dad had just left us! I felt the last thing they needed was mum in a meltdown. We have got through the past few weeks and they are doing fine. they both got rave reports from their new school, I was so proud. They know I have been upset and my eldest in particular has been really helpful - he has loads of empathy - but I have tried really hard not to burden them with fallout the problems we are having on top of everything else

I think that sums it up it is ok for them to see you up occasionally but not to burden them.

We did for years.
Now we just fight in front of them.

I hate it

I will try not to get upset in front of the DCs but I don't agree everything should be hidden from them.

However, DP and I manage to disagree quite well and state our cases and how we are made to feel so there is no descent into name-calling and kicking off, if anything I think it's a good thing for DCs to see how to 'argue' without being horrible.

I also think it's good for them to understand that sometimes things make us sad, and our family are there for us at those times.

When DPs mum broke down to me on the phone the other day about her mum being really ill, I shed a few tears, DD saw them, and we shared our pain, I don't see that as a bad thing.
I do think being over-emotional in front of children can be detrimental though.

Haven't read full thread.Just thinking about our experience. My Dad died in July. We were on holiday. I desperately NEEDED to see my Dad and my 10yr old dd wanted to aswell.My 9 year old son and 8 year old daughter weren't sure what to say/do.Anyway,I took my kids to the chapel of rest not knowing what to expect myself. When I saw him,I decided it wasn't the best thing for the kids so tried to persuade them that what i'd seen was very upsetting and that I would prefer it if they could just remember "Grandie" as he was.However,I was over-ruled and my kids decided they wanted to see him.9 yr old ds1 looked and went back to play on his DS.8yr old dd2 asked me "where's his legs gone?"!!10yr old dd1 freaked and turned white when she saw him...she was very close to him.Now,however,they all so very strong whenever we talk about him.DD1 tells me off if I cry..."mum,can't you feel him? he's here now"!!!" The other two talk about when he used to play ball with them.Apart from all this,hubbie and I have had turbulence in our relationship and I refuse to hide things from my kids.What's the point in lying to them?...

I don't cry very often (except for facile tears over a soppy story ), but when I do I wouldn't try to hide it.

I cried yesterday when we had all the upset about deciding not to emigrate, which dd took badly. Ds gets very protective and wants to start showering us with presents to stop it.

Don't cry when arguing with dh because our arguments tend to be very short and not terribly upsetting.

Would cry openly at a funeral, say, and not try to hide it.