Worried he will won't like my body......

[noselfconfidence]

I have met someone who I really like. He is a fantastic person in so many ways. It is getting to the point where we will take it to the next level soon BUT I am so worried that when he sees my body he won't fancy me anymore.

I have lost nearly three stone and down to a size 12/14. However, I am only 5'2 and after having two huge babies (9lb12 and 11lbs!) and two c-sections, I have a really horrible tummy and hundreds of stretch marks. I exercise regularly but I have been told that no matter what I do, I will always have the excess skin around my tummy because it was stretched so much during pregnancy and the c-sections cut through my stomach muscles. I would have a tummy tuck tomorrow but I don't have the money and they've turned me down on the NHS.

He tells me he finds me gorgeous but I think he'll change his mind when he sees me naked.

I'm worried I will always have this problem and that men will find my body awful and I'll never be in a relationship again. It gets me down so so much.

My sister has told me that confidence in the bedroom is a turn-on even without the perfect body so I should try and get over it - easier said than done though........

Well done on losing weight!

I think it's true that men do not notice wobbly bits.

He might notice if you are trying to hold it all in, or not relaxing, then he'll think it's something he's doing wrong!

He won't change his mind when he sees you naked, he'll just be happy you're naked!!!!!

I promise you, I absolutely promise you that when you take your clothes off he will be thinking 'naked ooh naked naked ooh naked' and nothing else. If he truly likes you he will not be put off by a bit of skin and some stretchmarks. I bet he's nervous too you know.

I've had a c-section and have ten thousand stretchmarks too but have come to terms with knowing that it's always going to be this way, I make the most of it and try to be proud that I produced a baby and have a few lines to show for it.

He will be so happy that there is a naked willing female that he really will not notice. DH says curvy women are far better. I bet if he did notice, he would think it was beautiful because your body gave you your babies.

He really won't notice.

Deep breath.

Remember. He thinks you're gorgeous. You are a size 12 - 14 which is perfectly acceptable. So you have some wobbly bits! I bet you he does too. And in my experience, men like the odd wobbly bit - it's cuddly and something they can really sink their teeth into [iykwim ]

Just relax and enjoy the fact that you've found such a wonderful man.

oh, and I have scars all over my breasts from a reduction. I was all nervous about men seeing them but I quickly discovered they were so excited to be around naked breasts, they wouldn't have noticed if the scars were still big red and shiny! .

Throughout my teens and early 20s I never slept with a single man.

Reason? i thought that although they found me attractive with my clothes on they would be disgusted when they saw me naked as I was (natuarally) very very skinny and completely flat chested.

Now I'm in my late 30s having had 2 kids, put on a stone and had a boob job i look back at photios and think: I was gorgeous!

How ridiculous eh?

ps my dh fancie me skinny, fancies me fatter, fancied me without boobs and fancies me with them!

Just dim the lights and maybe wear a camisole if you feel uncomfortable the first time. Men are usually more interested in your boobs than your tummy anyway...

Thank you. I keep telling myself these things but I just have visions of getting naked and him looking all "what's that!!".

I've been looking at various underwear options and thinking he may not have to get me completely naked - IYSWIM??!

do you really think he's going to jump out of bed saying "Yergh"??

No man will do that.

you could get a little babydoll nightie type thing?

Oh, I hope not, that would be so awful!!

Yes I think a little babydoll might help, I'll have to do some research.....

Its not like you will have to stand in front of him naked for him to gawp at you.
By the time you're actually naked with him it will be when you are about to have sex and believe me he won't even notice your tummy, he'll be too excited that he's about to DO IT!!!
I used to be so so self conscious when I was younger, and now I look back and wonder why I let things bother me so much, which nobody else ever even noticed.
Have fun and enjoy yourself!!!
I am very

Thanks Ginny.....

I think I'll enjoy it

I just want him to also!!

Ginny - you pretty much posted what I would have said - but from a different perspective. IMO - I honestly think women give themselves too much of a hard time and tryto think about what they look like from a mans perspective - trust me what you see and what we see aren't the same - go enjoy!!

I too had the same worries as you..
When it got to that point.. I was trying to dicreetly cover my tummy up or be in positions where the jelly belly didn't notice so much.

he turned to me and said.. " oh stop being self consious.. you've earnt that by having beautiful children.. it's got to be worth it... you should be proud of it."

and wow..

so I really wouldn't worry too much at all.

Really BCNS - its nice to know you had a good experience......thank you.

Nice to have a man's POV too SDD, thank you.

He's 43, very fit and has some grey hairs and wrinkles but I find that really attractive - hopefully, he'll think the same!!

I'm presuming he's seen other women naked before?
NONE of us are perfect and we all have bits we don't like, wobbly or not. I don't know of anyone who isn't hung up on something.
I too proudly possess a wobbly tum, CS scar and stretch marks (and cellulite too!) and while I am still getting used to my new bod, DP doesn't feel any differently about it.
I know it's different with someone new, but honestly - I don't think most men look past your tits anyway .

You've done so well, losing weight and getting fit, puts me to shame.

Be proud of yourself for that and as BCNS's (lovely) DP/H says, your body has produced 2 lovely children!
Be brave and have a great time

do know of one man who is a bit of a body fascist but for most men it is the package that turns them on.
also don't forget that our notions of what men find sexy are influenced by the soft porn stuff in films of airbrushed bodies writhing around in beds. tbh it is the primary erogenous zones that get them going the most

remember.. if he's 43 he would have seen it all before!!

What Ginny said!!! And your sister is 100% right, too.

Go easy on yourself. I've got stretchmarks from pregnancy too, and sad old boobs like wet tea-bags since having 2 dd's but DH either doesn't notice or truly doesn't mind, still grabs my arse and up for it all the time, God help me! Just joking...a bit

I got a gorgeous camisole top from Ann Summers which goes down to my waist, but the bit that covers my tummy is sheer fabric so covers without covering-up, that gave me some confidence when we were first having sex after the dd's were born.

Enjoy and have fun!

I have an old boyfriend on distant shores and we still keep in touch. We were in our late 40's when we got together and he was so fit (a salsa dancer).Legs like rocks and a chest, well... ..
He LOVED my soft fleshy body, big boobs and round arse. Then, I began to loose weight and got down from 14-16 to a 10-12. He always said and still says, that he loved the fleshy former me....
Now a few years later I have a boyfriend who is 11 years my junior, absolutely gorgous, lean and tall and handsome and he says he ADORES me. He doesn't care about any of the foppy flabby bits. At first when we got together I thought 'SHIT'...how am I going to tackle the flab thing with myself... but men like curves, they love the roundness of femininity and we as women should too.
You'll see, it's all in your head. They don't care, work on your head that you are the most sexy gorgous thing and so willing and it'll all come thru. He'll pick up on it and you'll wonder what you were worrying about.

Oh thank you all - you have all made me feel so much better about it. You just see all these pefect bodies on TV and in mags and it mags you feel so crap about yourself - guess that's the whole problem though isn't it......

Can't wait for the big event now

I have a new partner and i too felt the same as you when we started to get 'close'.
I am a size 18 and i can easily hide my tummy when fully dressed but was so worried that when he saw me naked he would not fancy me at all, I was so wrong, he says my body feels lovely and doesnt care that i have a tummy, its part of me and he likes the whole package.

Just try to enjoy it.

Don't worry about it. It sounds as though you are possibly in better shape than he is! Unless he is shallow then he will not be expecting you to be Jordan like. If you relax and have some fun, then so will he.

If you really want to feel confident, get some gorgeous underwear that you can still wear in bed when you're at it wyswim, such as a corset top with integral suspenders, or a teddy. Failing that a really pretty short, silk nightie that can casually fall off your shoulders and settle around your tummy area.