Am very upset, don't know what to do....

[simpson]

Me and DH have been together for about 7yrs (married for 3) we have two very small Dcs.

A few months ago DH was under great stress and had a mini break down (its the 2nd one he has ever had - first one was about 4yrs ago) but I thought we had got things on track.

But this evening he suddenly announces that he can't cope, is not going into work tomorrow and I am too good for him I don't know what to do. He says he doesn't want the Dcs development to be hindered by having him around and i will have to go it alone

Maybe I should have posted this in mental health but just thought more people might read this here. I also realise that he is ill but have to think of Dcs.

Any advice/thoughts would be gratefully appreciated...

Just don't know what I am going to do am a SAHM so have no income of my own. We have joint mortgage.

i think he is lashing out, and crying out for help.

has he ever been to the doctors. has he tried antidepresents and counselling.

he needs to get his head working, and i do belive form exp that they help.

Thanks piratecat

He is on medication but stopped the evening tablet (under Gp's instruction) He has councilling in a fortnight or so.

Just feel so desperate, he said he can't cope and the Dcs would be better off without him.

Am just so upset

Do make sure he stays on his meds. My DH refuses to take his and has now left us. He is totally convinced this is a reasonable thing to do. He seems well but his character is so changed.

Hope your DH sees through the fog - you sound like a loving wife and I know this is so scary.

GPs seem to be constantly trying to get people with depression to cut their medication (I know three people that this has happened to in past year). Your dh should refuse to do it before having a psychiatric consultation. GPs are rarely mental health experts - get on the doctor's case and arrange consultation.

Oh Simpson, that sounds awful. You have my sympathy.

OK, practical advice, as the mental health problems are something that only your DH and his Dr can deal with.

1. Make sure your DH sees his Dr ASAP
2. Make sure Dr signs off your DH with a proper sick note (if he is too unwell to work).
3. Get down to your local job centre and make a claim for sickness benefit (or whatever it is in this time of benefit changes) and find out about all the help you may be able to get if your DH is too ill to work.
4. Phone up your mortgage lender and see if you can take a payment holiday for a few months until you can see where your situation is heading. Even if it's not in your mortgage agreement as such, many lenders are surprisingly accomodating as by being responsible enough to ring them up BEFORE you get in arrears, it demonstrates that you are a reliable, responsible person who is probably going to meet their obligations.
5. Do a bit of research about dealing with depression and how to cope with living with a person suffering from depression.
6. Make sure you get some breathing space yourself - if you have friends and family around, get them to look after DC for a couple of hours once a week so you can get a massage, take a long bath with a good book, or whatever.

Lots of people on here will give you sympathy, which you really deserve, but I hope these practical suggestions help. Anticipation of stressful times ahead is almost always worse than actually living through it. Exercising control over a situation (at least as much as is possible, anyway) will help you feel more positive and able to cope, I hope. Best of luck.

Thank you so much everyone.

OptimstS - He is going to see GP tomorrow morning and will make appt himself and says he wants to go.

Will he still get sickness benefit while signed off sick from work?

lalalonglegs - our GP is not too bad I have to say. And to be fair DH had been stable for a couple of months. But we have had experience of c**p GPs will he was ill four yrs ago.

Just feel devastated that everything is at risk ie our house/family etc.

I have worked hard to make new friends in this area (we have only been here 2yrs)

DD is only 9mths and very hard work constantly demanding attention (velcro baby)

And also obviously don't like seeing DH like this or hearing what he has to say.

Sherbert - Sorry to hear about what happened with your DH. If its not too personal to ask..did he remain in touch or just go? It's my fear with DH that he will go back to Ireland (where his family is) and will cut contact...His family are toxic enough to let that happen...but thats a different story!!