how can I boost (make that restart from zero) my sex drive? Causing problems with dh

[scruffymomma]

My sex drive has dwindled to nothing. At the moment I feel I could go forever without sex and it wouldn't bother me.

Problem is my dh doesn't feel the same way and it's causing problems for us.

my ds is 8 months, he's a brilliant baby, happy, sleeps well etc so I can no longer blame it on being knackered / overwhelmed, I just don't want sex.

We've only been married 17 months, I love my husband and I'm only 31! I feel so sad to think that this part of my life might be over - and if it is, then in the long term, so might my marriage.

I'm only on 1 bf a day now, would giving up completely help?
can you get testosterone or something from the GP?

thanks x

I have 3 kids and mine has always kicked back at 18-20mths post natal
Until then I've. Really not wanted to.
We tried to reinstate affectionate touching and making sure both of us got the odd lie in
These things did help.
Good luck x

Try a zinc supplement.

Worked for me . Have an unplanned DC to prove it.

I suppose you ought to check whether it's ok with bf or not though.

A lot of ladies on here find that breastfeeding affects the libido. I have never found that myself however, and have often condsidered conducting an online poll.

For me it's more the case of feeling overwhelmed by everyone in the family hanging off my skirts, wanting: feeding, wiping, new lego set, shoes finding, cuddling, story, clean shirt, wiping again, kiss it better, sex, latest High School Musical bollocks, picking up, feeding - in the end all of everyone's demands merge into one and make me want to go AAAAARGH even though meeting some of them I would actually enjoy. I can end up craving some silence much more than rampant sex.

The answer - to start with the besy answer is to try and do it without feeling like it. You'll be surprised how much you get into it.

HOw are thinks with your dp other than sex? do you hug, cuddle kiss?

It is absolutely brilliant that you want to do something about it.
Even if the one with the higher libido is understanding, it is very very frustrating and difficult not to feel rejected and unwanted.
I really hope you resolve things and again, think you are great for thinking of your partner.

Are you taking hormonal contraceptives? (yes I appreciate the irony- taking contraceptives when you don't want to have sex!!) they can lower libido. I came off the pill in April and it has made such a difference.

Well I've been out to the shops and bought some zinc and st john's wort - will see what happens, thanks for the tip.

My dh is very affectionate, he loves kissing and cuddling and often comments that he would like me to be more touchy feely with him - just for intimacy, not always leading to sex.
He tries to be as supportive as he can, does housework etc. That's the reason i feel bad about this.

I did have a mirena coil fitted about 8 weeks ago, could that be it?

I really want this to get better soon. My feelings of guilt are starting to spill out everywhere, I feel like he's always having a go at me or being judgemental when he probably isn't, I'm just supersensitive.

anyway, thanks for the replies.
x

My sex drive goes through peaks and troughs, but I have noticed that the less I actually do it, the less I want to, iyswim.

I know it sounds awful, but if I grit my teeth and get on with it, I find that I do want to do it again. After a bit of a drought, it's much harder to get back into the swing of things.

Sorry for the waffley post, hth.

could you bring yourself to spend 5 mins doing the thing that men are famous for loving? might be a quick win - makes him happy without you having to be allowing something for yourself you arent ready for yet?

haha, the general advice seems to be "just do it" how practical we women are!!

right I'm going to spend a week gritting my teeth and see how we go

x

(intense) aerobic exercise. Will make you sleep deeper and improve well being and energy level during the day

I had a zero libido for about a year. We did have sex but it took ages for me to feel any sensation. I then found out I had an underactive thyroid and since starting thyroxine feel like a new woman And dh feels like he's got a new woman Sometimes there are physical causes e.g. hormone imbalance, other times it's emotional. But I would say that if your libido was good before you had your child, then something is wrong and needs to be resolved. It could just be that you are readjusting since having your baby - 8 months is not that long really. I think I was still sore there for at least 6 months after the birth - and that really did turn me off. Men feel quite pushed out when we don't want sex as they need it for emotional closeness as well, but equally they are not very understanding about the trauma of childbirth and it's effects postnatally.

Oh and get him to not want to have it and it may make you want it all the more?

I'm in the just do it camp too, but Toughdaddy's point about exercise is spot on- it makes a huge difference to do something like a boxercise class a couple of times a week. Something like that definitely lifts the hormones and kind of reconnects you with a bit of body confidence too IYSWIM. Any hint of depression can majorly knock the libido too, so exercise helps that, plus try to make sure you are having some fun somewhere. If the tips on here arent helping after a month or two, I would agree that booking a proper doctors appointment is a good idea. Good luck x