What are the signs of a cheating DH/DP?

[Naive]

In sort of bullet point form IYSWIM.

Checking e-mails? Dodgy with phone? What else?

Its Ok I was just unsure if 'she' the hairdresser was using aftershave or not

I am very tom-boyish so this name fits quite well.

Ok here's the signs, tell me what you think:

Suddenly sorted out teeth
Taken up smoking again
New clothes
Lots of e-mail checking and deleting
Weird about mobile
Snappy
No interest in sex what so ever (used to be atleast twice a day)
Showering more
Weird change in working hours
Accusing me of cheating all the time when I'm not.

I said I was going out with my friends on sat and he said obv I would be cheating!! So I was like no I won't but he kicked off anyway and I said I wouldn't go.

Today I raised the subject again and said I'd go, not drink and be home early and he said I can go as long as it's only for tea and I'm home for 9! He has work on Sun and baby wakes up in the night. Yet he went out drinking with his mates until late last week!

I'm really confused by this as we're not usually like this.

So you can see how things are weird yet he's actually an amazing person (just very difficult these past 2 weeks) he's basically everything anyone could want in a man usually. Protective, lovely, willing to make me happy in any way, loving, generous, etc.

He's said he's just very tired.

naive, I think you might have a problem there

if he isn't playing away, he is considering it

if he isn't considering it, your relationship needs some work and you need to find out why that "amazing" man is turning into a dickhead

Naive .. this is the time to think carefully about what you want.. what you will or won't put up with and how you'll feel if you find out what is going on.. affair or no affair.

something is going on in the relationship.. what only he knows.. and that's the hard bit.

my advice is sort yourself out first.. get yourself in a good place before anything else.

Well, something's obviously going on, but it might not be an affair. It almost sounds like it's even worse - though I can't think what!! Mafia trying to kill him, maybe - he's certainly overreacting to something, not very good at hiding it either.

I think you need to sit him down and say 'ok. I am not stupid. I know something is up and if you don't tell me what it is, I do not think I can continue this relationship as you obviously don't feel you can talk to me.' Or something like that.

Sorry you are going through this, it must be awful.

I agree with FlightA and your list does make it sound a bit 'iffy'.

I must admit I did try this and got nowhere. He sat and went all quiet and into himself. He still went on with what he was up to. It was infuriating.

Looking back I wouldn't have hung about with things. (But I lived away from my family)(his family were not supportive at all). If I could have I would have gone back to my Mum or to my sisters at that point, but I couldn't as I ws thousands miles away across the Atlantic. This was in the late SUmmer. I waited too long until December to get home for Xmas, with every intention of telling my family and seeing what to do next... (I needed support but didn't want to do it long distance and worry everyone )plus I was always hopeful that I was wrong and it would sort out. Take action. Don't wait and leave it and leave it... He has no right to change so abruptly and with no explanation.

Have no direct personal experience of this - but I wonder (in the current climate) is he worried about losing his job/being made redundant/about money?

Not sure why this would make him shower more, but just wondered if there was another story behind his behaviour.

A new friend "Chris"

Lots of texts

Lipstick/perfume on clothes

Interested in appearance again

A new way of talking - using certain slang words they haven't before

Loud Music when on his own in study/car

A faraway look at family occasions (although this can be usual)

I forgot about the 'accusing me of cheating bit!!!!' Yes! he accused me of that too and even went almost fisty cuffs (a lot of turkey-necking but not actual blows) at one point with a young guy work mate of mine. Poor chap,. But theres a saying in another language which when translates means: the one who is up to the dirty deed, believes others are capable of it'...
Looking back, too, he completely went of sex (more like couldn't get it up) when he was always very horny for me...(too many thoughts going on round in his head, guilt etc (he told me after)(probably meant already been up to stuff that day)...Ugh... don't wanna go thru that ever again.

Just found out the following by hearing him telling my dad: Looks like the place he works for are closing down in 2 months so he's going to be out of a job!!!! Don't understand why he hasn't told me this.

Also, my dad's always moaning about money and DP has finally told me that he feels in debt to my parents as they offered to pay for our wedding and said make it as lavish as we want but they'd like it to be abroad but now they whinge about affording it every 2 minutes.

And finally, I was joking about with him last night saying all the dresses are going to be paid for this week and there's so no going back after that and he was joking back saying 'Oh yeah you'll get a phonecall in a few days time like 'It's not happening booooooooooooop'. But he was genuinely joking. Then he started chatting about the wedding saying he was looking forward to it and on about little details and stuff. Then I started talking about the wedding party we're having back home (which is going to be huge- all our friends and family are invited) and he was adament he was looking forward to it but you know when someone's face goes a sort of pinky red shade and they look like their eyes are watering out of panic or something? That's what it looked like.

A family member had the baby over night and we had an amazing night- got on well, had a few drinks and an early night, and then this morning had amazing sex and we're all happy together this morning. So maybe what he's been saying about being tired and having broken night's sleep with the baby crying and things is true?

However, something that worries me is that he was going out with his mates last week, then he said they were starting at a mates house. I had the odd txt while he was out so didn't think much about it, but when he came home and I asked what pubs he'd been to he was really cagey and uncomfortable telling me. I don't know why! Then I thought well when he was going out he used my deoderant instead of his as he said he likes mine (he's never done that before or since) and he bought new clothes to go out.

I just don't understand. I'm wondering if I'm being paranoid as I have PND but I'm trying to look at everything objectively and things just seem strange at me. He's not half as gooey and affectionate with me as he always has been before.

It's actually really helping talking about it on here and I really appreciate all the answers. Please keep them coming, I need to get this sorted!

Phone on silent
New Facebook/hotmail/MSN accounts
Private phone convos to friends/about 'work'
Irritation at your minor misdemeanours
Not wanting sex
General defensiveness
Talking about fidelity

Sorry I didn't realise he is harbouring nerves about wedding, loosing his job... (and wedding being paid for by your parents)... these are all big burdens to carry.

Is he a talker in general? Perhaps he's feeling bogged down about your parents lavishly doing your wedding and him close to loosing his job... those are big things on the scale of the 'I'm inadequate' barometer. Perhaps he's worrying about not coming up to standard (standards you are used to?) What are your backgrounds, both of you... What is he USED to...being independant, not having much, paying for what he has and within the limits? Maybe he feels this wedding business with your parents paying and all is a 'weight'...
I whisked my hubby off for a quick registry office wedding to avoid all that as his parents were very wealthy and mine weren't. That way I avoided feeling weighed down in obligation to them forever more (didn't work tho, they always made me feel inadequate) ('nother story) he's my ex after 26 marriage and they had a lot to play in that)(no regrets).
What I am saying is that perhaps it's all getting a bit scary?
With regard to the deodorant my BF prefers mine too... (I bought him Light Blue, the Womens one, as he was crazy about that perfume) and he wears it and gets complimented... but wouldn't worry about that too much...
Perhaps you are under pressure? Looking into things too much?
What is he like with his phone? That's the biggest give away usually.

Well I did think he was being funny about his phone but I borrowed it and asked to phone people or whatever a few times lately and he's not been fussed.

We seemed to be back to normal yesterday, laughing and joking and all loved up. Then this morning he was angry and shouty again! He kept telling me to hurry up and just go to work because he'd had enough of me. I was quite upset about this.

He's not too much of a taler but I thought we told each other everything until lately