Zero self esteem and body confidence..

[Janos]

Not quite sure if this is the right place to put this but I figure it is affecting my relationship so why not. Apols if this sounds very shallow and self absorbed.

Essentially, my confidence in how I look and my body is so low at the moment, to the point of being..well, I think there's something wrong.

I look in the mirror and just think my body looks absolutely repulsive and makes me feel sick

I can't imagine how on earth my DP finds me attractive. I just want to hide away in plain baggy clothes.

This is also manifesting somewhat pathetically as feeling jealous and worried that he fancies other women who look betrter than me which at the minute I think is just about everyone.

What made me think "get a grip woman"..we were watching TV and he commented on how nice one of the women looked (as in, you know, sexy). This resulted in me bursting into tears and running into the bedroom (he was completely bewildered). Believe me I KNOW how ridiculous and childish this is.

I don't know where this has come from and I don't want to be like this.

I am taking steps...trying to lose weight and forcing myself to exercise (I'm not a natural exerciser!). It works for a bit and then I catch sight of my body (cellulite, stretchmarks etc) and it all rushes.

I just feel old, unlovely, flabby and unattractive. I never used to feel this bad about my body, even when I was bigger.

What can I do to stop being so negative? Any and all ideas welcome.

That should be..it all rushes back.

No great words of wisdom, just empathy.
I watched strictly come dancing yesterday, and just felt sad and inadaquate that cherie lungi is at least 15 years older than me, but in body terms must look 15 years younger.

Oh yes unavaiable you hit the nail on the head there. I couldn't watch that as I'd be obsessing and worrying about how fat I was compared to all women on there (yes, I KNOW).

DP is strong and fit and does loads of exercise which makes me feel worse.

I would like to do more..but I'm so knackered.

My DS is a real livewire and never stops..wish I had some of his energy!

I am probably stating the obvious here, but you do realise that the women on Strictly are done up to the nines with hours of hair and make-up. Yes they are probably pretty gorgeous without it but if you sit there in baggy clothes looking frumpy you will only feel worse (not that i am suggesting you put a frock on to watch the t.v!)

It's so easy to get in a rut with these things, but you might find that if you start to make a bit more of an effort with yourself and your appearance then you start to feel a bit more confident.

I would suggest you point out just how you're feeling to your DH too. They're not always too sharp at picking up these things. Maybe you could arrange to do something nice together, something to give you a reason to dress up and feel nice. That might be the start of you feeling better about yourself.

This is a great site too - yes, it's very American, but it's good for boosting the self-esteem and telling you nice things when no one else does!

www.womensselfesteem.com/

Thanks for advice..yes an opportunity to dress up would be nice actually. I think I have some nice clothes lurking deep in my wardrobe

If you were dancing for 3/4 hours a day and had all that tit tape/styling then you'd look great, they don't all look like that all the time.

I do know how you feel, it's hard after having children/getting older to keep a positive body image. Can you treat yourself to new shoes/a haircut/beauty treatments?

I bet you look great, just keep up with the exercise (makes me feel that at least I'm doing something) and try to be kinder to yourself.

This is one of the reasons I stopped buying all those magazines full of celebs. They even manage to make people standing in their kitchens wearing dressing gowns look fantastic. Of course they are heavily airbrushed and wearing two ton of make-up (and thats just the men!) I saw a celeb doing a book signing recently (no names)and she looked totally diffrent in real life, spotty skin and bad extensions. Yes, many of them are super skinny, but isn't life too short to live on a lettuce leaf?

I feel the same way Janos. I don't know what the answer is. I also avoid the celeb mags.

awwww... I think most women feel like this to a certain degree. It is really where you take this feeling/thought once it raises it's ugly head.
Some go on a diet, start an exercise routine, take themselves in hand, the very next day.
Some feel demeaned by it and go around with a bad head on and feeling totally battered by their own self confidence.
Most men, especially our DP's, are not comparing and wishing 'they had one o' them skinny bints'... and if he payed a compliment, that was all it is.

They do look gorgous and tanned and dolled up.. but it's not real life continuum to look that good is it. Like other readers have said, they do so much to them, there, and everywhere else you see all these dolly birds grinning at you. It's a constant battle.

I look at my body and think, Gawd... everything has fallen down (chin chops included, neck getting scraggy, belly blubber)but I am healthy and can scrub up nicely.

Perhaps yuo should get your partner to talk to you a bit about it and make him give you some compliments, tell him you need it for daily dose of good self esteem. I bet he'll oblige willingly and it'll make a world of difference to you. I know that sounds pathetic, but we all need a push start sometimes, and he is your partner and perhaps he's been lacking a bit on the compliment front lately. Some guys don't think and are sure we are aware they love us and don't say enough... tell him it's important to you.

Janos, you are not alone.

I hate looking at myself in the mirror.

My body is repulsive. As for my face, well, I should have been drowned at birth

Anyway, I can't offer any advice really, but I am in the same situation.

It's hard seeing attractive women all around. I work in an office full of them. The woman who sits next to DP (we work for the same company) is gorgeous. I don;t know how he can bear to come home to me with my wobbly thighs, face-for-radio and saggy boobs.

Ok, I looked at myself the other day and felt down too.

What does help I find though is to get up tomorrow or Sat or whenever and get partner to look after kids. Then have a shower and do legs/underarms et.. then blow dry hair. Then apply makeup (I rarely wear it, but when I do I do feel a bit better) buy some new if yours is knackered. Then look through your wardrobe and put something you like on, with tights/socks and shoes (ie get fully dressed).

While you are doing this, get partner to get him and children ready and then all go out. Even if it's just for coffee but a day out with lunch is better (or go out with a friend if you prefer).

It's easy to get stuck, wearing the same stuff, pulling hair into a ponytail, not bothering with makeup. I know it's all a bit shallow but I do find it helps. In the longer term you could start a new hobby/exercise or buy new clothes but in the short term I find clean hair, make up and not wearing what I wore yesterday helps a bit!

Sorry you are feeling down, you might have to nudge your DH to paying compliments, I have to fish for them all the time