First Rough Patch, what now?

[Naive]

DP and I have hit our first big rough patch. No sex, no affection, lots of shouting and bickering, getting on each other's nerves etc.

Plus I found some slutty (naked) stuff on the computer of 2 notoriously skinny celebs. They're size 0. I have put on a lot of weight since I got pregnant and have been dieting since I had baby. Iam starting to wonder if my weight is a problem for DP as I seem to get the hint that it is. I am currently a 14. I was a 20 when I had the baby. And a 10 when we met.

Last night I cuddled him in bed and he's been nicer since so maye some of this is my fault?

All turned frosty because he's not interested in sex but I think he's fed up of me not putting in enough effort and I'm fed up of him not even wanting to touch me.

Yesterday he swore at me and told me to wipe a smirk off my face. We're both quite fiesty (never ever physically) but it suits us and we get on great normally.

So how do I push past this and encourage us to move on? I'm really worried and cried about it in the middle of the night when I woke up. We're getting married soon which we're both really excited about. But I'm really getting on his nerves and he doesn't seem to see me as sexy anymore although he says he does.

He gave up smoking not long after we met. I don't want him smoking as we have a DC and I worry about both of their health. He knows this. However, when he's with his m8s (including work m8s and his family) he's secretly smoking and then swears he doesn't but he does. He won't talk to me about it at all. And all I can think is if he's lying about that, what else is he lying about?

He knows we're having a rough patch but sort of sees it as temporary where as it panicks me.

What now?

Bumping my own message in hope of an answer lol.

How old is your baby? Do you get to spend time together as a couple? Have you tried talking to him about this?

If you can go out on your own and have a talk. It sounds like you are assuming how he feels a lot of the time. Tell him the pictures on the PC upset you and why and ask him why he is looking at this stuff.
Could it be a case of pre-wedding stress? If you think it is more serious than that maybe you should postpone the wedding for a while.
Re the smoking, if he's not smoking at home or in front of your dc then I would let it go. Its his body after all.
All couples go through bad patches, and having children can be stressful, it is such a life changing time, but the most important thing is to talk and not let this sort of thing snowball into something a lot worse.

The smoking thing is really the lying that bothers me. I've never lied to him. I'm just worried things are like tainted.

Baby is 7 months. We spend the nights together- get DVDs, have tea, a bottle of wine. But that's it really. We don't have money and sometimes struggle to get babysitters so we're a bit stuck really.

I do raise issues but I don't want him thinking I'm snooping so darn't mention the pics. I feel like I'd be saying 'what have these women got that I havn't?'

I bet if you asked him that question he'd say "nothing"
Just because he's looking at those women doesn't mean he doesn't fancy you.
They are just images on a screen, you are a real woman and the mother of his dc.
It just sounds like you are in a rut, which is so normal with a young baby.
You don't have to go out and spend money to spend time together. Why not have a nice meal, switch the telly off, light some candles and pretend its a date.

Sounds like a rut to me too. You just need some time as a couple to reconnect.

As far as the smoking thing goes, you did know he was a smoker when you met so you can't really complain that much that he finds it hard to quit totally. Obviously, if he is cutting back, it's bound to make him ratty as he gets withdrawal, but at least it sounds like he's making the effort to stop around your kids so encourage him! Please don't jump to the conclusion that because he hides a sneaky ciggie, he's a liar and untrustworthy!

As for the pictures, they are only pictures so don't worry too much. As you say, you gave him a cuddle and he immediately seemed better so it's not that he doesn't like you.

All couples go through this kind of thing, when the shine wears off, and you both just need to make a little effort to get the spark back.