Don't know if I love DP anymore

[WundaWuman]

I'm in a wierd situation just now. DP gone to bed early again and I'm just sat downstairs feeling like prize bitch. I told him 2 days ago that I didn't love him anymore, now I don't know where to go from here. We haven't spoken about it - but I've been at work all weekend and we have just avoided each other otherwise. I'm scared to say anything as I don't want it all to kick off, once I start telling him what my issues are I wouldn't be able to stop. The things is I really don't know if I've fallen out of love with him or if I am just sick of it all being so hard. He looks so sad at the moment and I feel really bad for making him this way. I have also been giving him really mixed signals as I said the same thing about 3 weeks ago, then changed my mind a few days later (I know, it's pretty screwed up isn't it). Has anyone ever been in a similar situation and how did they think through it?

I don't see the point in telling him unless you want out.
It's not the sort of thing you can say and then not follow up.

You have to tell him what your issues are. he deserves that at least. But its HOW you say it.

Ok, so how do I do it without it turning into a insult swapping session? He gets so defensive about everything.

Sounds like you have lost your way.

Do you spend any quality time together? We lost our way completely,no-ones fault we just fell into that rut and plodded along,quite like friends instead of husband and wife.We lost the excitement and neither of us seeked it out.
We are back on form now,I do love him and realise now, we were lazy, and didn't put the effort into our marriage-I was lazy and thought it was all his fault,it wasn't ,we both allowed ourselves to drift (and yes,we were sick of it being hard).

Make sure you get some quality time,it was our downfall...we put everything above us-kids,work etc and lost sight of the man I married and was utterly in love with-now we are happy again because we talk and realise we both lost our way along the yearsno one was to blame,we just took the easy option and buried our heads.

Start your sentences with 'I feel...'
rather than 'You always...'. Speak, and then let him tell you what he thinks you are saying.

They can often be two completely different things.

Tell him you really want to work out a solution (Do you?)

Yes I think I do but I'm just not sure we can ever get back on track. There is that missing element of 'quality time' but we have been going round in circles about this. I dont think that he makes any effort but I guess I need to tell him that for us to even begin to move forward... if that's what we are going to do.

I think its only fair on both of you to exhaust every avenue before you call it a day. So that means, trying to talk things over together, maybe seeing a Relate counsellor if you both would be willing.