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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What do you make of this? dh's ex on facebook

20 replies

notthejealoustype · 16/11/2008 21:01

I have namechanged mainly because I am recognizable in rl. I am not a troll. I know about jf and why cod left and about Tamba etc etc.

Before me, dh had only had one gf. they split up because she'd slept with his best friend.

Anyway, we recently were talking about her and wondering if she was still married or single (she had quite a reputation for cheating on boyfriends). So dh looked her up on facebook and there she was. He sent her a 'is this you' type message and she promptly replied and added him as a friend.

I have no issue with this. Dh has been very open about it and I trust him completely.

However, when she added him she sent him a message saying that yes, of course she remembered him and was so glad to hear from him etc etc.

He accepted her friend request but didn't get around to replying to the message.

Then he received another message from her a couple of days later along the lines of "I was hoping you would have replied to my message by now, I was hoping that after everything that had happened between us we could be friends. Although I know that what I did to you was possibly unforgivable, but I really hope we can put the past behind us. Please get in touch, I really would love to hear from you."

Now, am I reading too much into this? or does it all sound a bit full on from her?

OP posts:
giddykipper · 16/11/2008 21:03

I wouldn't read too much into it.

MostlyReindeer · 16/11/2008 21:04

Yes and no. She may n ot be trying to jump him but may be kinda pleased for the attention. Some people are quite eager! She may hold a torch stil though.

saggyhairyarse · 16/11/2008 21:04

How long ago was this?

I think she has probably realised what she did was shitty and is feeling guilty.

pudding25 · 16/11/2008 21:04

It just sounds to me like she wants to be in touch with an ex to see what he is up to now -nothing sinister.

SatHereSitting · 16/11/2008 21:04

Sounds abit full on to me, either she's very pleased he found her again, or she just feels very quilty for what happened and wants to make herself feel better about it.

Lizzylou · 16/11/2008 21:05

She probably feels guilty and just wants to make her peace.
I don't think you have anything to worry about, she just sounds a bit needy and guilty

MeMySonAndI · 16/11/2008 21:06

That is the problem with removing the past... it may come back.

Perhaps I'm used to get ignored so I would not send a message like that, but I suspect I wouldn't be reading much into it either. She may feel a bit strange that he contacted her just to keep in silence later...

MegBusset · 16/11/2008 21:07

She does sound a bit needy. I wouldn't worry about it too much though, after all you trust your DH so it really doesn't matter what she says.

CatMandu · 16/11/2008 21:07

I don't think you have anything to worry about.

MegBusset · 16/11/2008 21:08

Also given that he contacted her first, she can be forgiven for wondering whether he wants to be friends or not.

notthejealoustype · 16/11/2008 21:08

it was years ago.

Plus after they split they "got together" on a couple of occasions iyswim and parted as friends iirc.

Dh's best friend saw her a few years after and his dw said that she was really full on with him too. Trying to stand up close to him etc.

She apparently has a partner and a child, so why would she be so keen to be in touch with an ex?

The keeping in touch isn't what bothers me, it's the sending messages after her first message wasn't responded to.

OP posts:
Dottoressa · 16/11/2008 21:10

Your DH sounds lovely, and that suggests that you have nothing to worry about.

That said, I would not like my DH to reply to such a message! I reckon that ex gfs should remain well and truly ex-ed...

MeMySonAndI · 16/11/2008 21:10

perhaps she is not too keen, just showing a friendly interest...

weebump · 16/11/2008 21:11

It doesn't seem too full on. She's probably really curious about him, as he was of her. Don't worry,

ravenAK · 16/11/2008 21:12

Second that she sounds like she feels guilty, & a bit needy.

Dh has a (nightmare high maintenance) ex like this who witters at him on fb.

She did bob up on fb messenger once when I was on the pc but he was still logged in - as soon as I replied something like 'hi, it's raven, dh's dw, how are you?' - she logged off. Strange girl!

Your dh could probably just reply with something like 'Don't worry about it, it's ancient history! Take care' & leave it at that...

SatHereSitting · 16/11/2008 21:18

Just bare in mind that she may be very suprised that an ex who she wronged decided after all this time to contact her.

Even though she's got a partner she's probably thinking hmm what does he want? And if she's abit of a player it may be giving her an ego boost to see that an ex has looked her up.

Although I could be wrong, the fact she sent a second follow up message would give me the impression she's eager for more infomation as to why he's contacted her.

I wouldn't worry but would probably tell your dh to remove her from his friends list

yellowflowers · 16/11/2008 23:08

I'm friends with all my exes, even the shits, and so is my dh. Relax, he wants to be with you...

LittleBella · 16/11/2008 23:15

Maybe she's a little scared and thinks he's a stalker. TBH if an ex I'd wronged (not that there are any, I've always been pure as the driven snow in the conduct of my relationships ) contacted me and then didn't respond after I'd e-mailed back, I'd be a bit panicky about whether he'd contacted me in order to verify who and where I was in preparation for getting revenge.

But I'm given to mad paranoid flights of fancy.

Miyazaki · 16/11/2008 23:16

I wouldn't give a shit, but then I am not at all jealous. which will prob bite me on the bum and I will be on here in a few years time wailing.

anyfucker · 16/11/2008 23:19

facebook, tis the work of the devil I tells ye

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