No party for my mum's 50th anniversary

[ukrainianmum]

My mum had her 50th birthday last Friday. A couple of days before the day she told me and my dad to not congratulte her on this day. She heard some horoscope on TV which said that to change her karma she needs to hide from the sun on this day

So we did as she asked us to do. On friay she left her work ealier so she wouldn't be greeted y the whole stuff and told to her friend-colleges that she doesn't accept any greetings on this day.

And A couple of hours ago I found her crying on the kitchen crying. She hponed someone from work and warned that she still doesn't want any greetings.

And I was planning to make a little b'day party on the 19th of Nov. this is when my grandma was born. But now I think not to do it. Somehow she thinks that she has no right for joy and happiness.And she has been like this for years. I told her that she needs to seek for a proffesional help and to get herself some antidepressants.

She is never happy. in any, any event in her life she looks for negative things. ANd believe it or not she finds them every time.

well I don't know what to do with her.I love my mother but I cannot stand this morbid depression she is in.

so sorry to hear this.

didn't want this to go unanswered, though I'm not sure how to help. Can you persuade her to see her gp?

Check out the samaritans here they might be able to help you to cope with worrying about your mum.

She does need professional help, by the sounds of it.

But it also sounds like you and your dad are enabling this behaviour as well. I would have ignored her request, based on the fact that it's nonsense! If she'd said she didn't want to celebrate because she was feeling a bit down about reaching 50 I could understand that.

Thing is - because you didn't celebrate, she probably feels like she's being ignored, therefore fuelling her depression!

Well, this 50th anniversary thing is really a tiny tip top of the iceberg.

The whole thinh is about how she thinks about what is happening in her life.
It is so much I want to say, even just to let it out coz it has been too much.
My mum is 1000% sure that nobody, nobody! loves her, that everybody waits for the day when she will pass away.
She is still inerfering into my private life. She wants to control each and evry person I can meet with. Wants to know their names, contact numbers. I am 29 and still asking her a permission to go out. I have a difficult family situation in my family life now. My dh lives in UK and I live in Ukraine and for the timebeing oit is impossible for us to be togother.

So, and when I ask her not to give me advises or worse to tech me how to live she gets really upset. She gets upset with the fact that I want to have my own life.
It is so complicated with her. And I am so fed up of proving to her that I love her.

I remember one day she was lying down and complaining about lack of energy, that she is tired, knackerd all the time. I offered her to take some vitamins. She went all angry saying that she will never lie down and she will do what we want her to do-unstopable robot who works all the time.
I mean I am really afraid now to offer any help to her coz any sign of care she takes wrong.

I wonder is there anybody out who has similar mum and what to do with it?

sounds awful, your mum sounds very attention seeking.

Becauseimworthit's right - perhaps you and your dad are enabling this behaviour, maybe you should try and step back a bit.

Next time she collapses on the sofa, just say "you have a nice rest mum, I'm going out and you can have some peace and quiet" And go.

You are in a vicious circle of trying to please her. You have to jump out of that circle.

The best thing you can do is leave home- why can't you come to the UK with your DH?

Your mum needs help- but not from you- can't your dad persuade her to see her dr? she sounds as if she has mental health issues.

It must be very hard for you, but the more you get involved, the less it will help her.

Try to get your dad to talk to her.

Perhaps she's menopausal? She might be in those old hormony swings and stuff... that is easy to sort (usually), my sister was like this and we thought she was going off her rocker, then she got HRT and was back to her old self again once it was sorted (infact she went back to Uni and got a degree etc).. it gave her a new lease on life. Some people suffer more than others and it can manifest itself in all sorts of weird things.
I will be 52 in January and I've told friends and close ones that if they see me changing and being down and odd (am a naturally happy person, thnk Gawd) that they point it out to me and get me aware and off to a Dr's...