how do you know if your in love with someone?

[hunnybun1981]

2 kids, and not sure if i am staying for the right reasons do i love him really?

how do you know?

My dp and I have had real ups and downs, I was thinking of leaving not long ago but I still get a butterfly feeling when I look at him.

yeh me too but do you ever get a feeling of whats the point.

Tough question even for ToughDaddy . Would you be able to contribute to this thread? So in other words can you say how you show each other day to day appreciation? If not then, nothing is going on, right?

he does nice things like that, but you know i mean in love want him and to be with him to think about him i suppose like it is at the beginning of a relationship, i am 27 and i would have time to start again, i dont want to go through another ten years for the kids and then go oh my god what now?

Check my history I often get a feeling of what is the point .

But life has got really tough for us lately and I cannot imagine going through this with someone else.

Sounds more fundamental than a rut? SOunds like you are looking outside and seeing exciting options? Otherwise you would be thinking of how to jump start the old motor?

yeh i suppose but i think i still love him, like a few weekends ago we had a break away and it was great but i want it to be like that more than one in a blue moon.

yes we all have busy lifes but so once u have kids is that it? stuck in a rut

once in a blue moon lol

that's it Hun! Just joking; it is up to both of you produce excitement. Does he know that you are getting a bit bored by the humdrum? Can you take the initiative for producing sparks or perhaps you think that he needs to regain some of his spark? Have you given subtle hints or pep talk?

oh yeh he knows we have decided to have a break not sure if he will be back or not

I feel that I know I love my DH because it comes into my head to say "I love you" - most of these times I don't actually say it out loud though. Do you still notice things you like about him at different moments and think this? For a while I felt I was so tired/stressed/depressed etc by other things that I 'forgot' to notice him, he was just there. I felt a bit like this with the children as well. As I felt better I tried to take moments out from my rushing thoughts and really notice 'the moment' and everything around me and what makes the person I'm looking at uniquely them. I'm sure there is something from Buddhism in there(?).

In our modern world I think we do feel so rushed and stressed and pushed to achieve so much and use every bit of time as productively as possible, and always striving for something more because the media encourages us to expect something huge, and I think people find it really hard to feel content and happy.

I feel like I had a bit of a mid life crisis a while back (although I'm only 36) and felt SO discontent. Do you feel like you want to be sure that what you have got is the best you could get before you relax and settle into it for the rest of your life? A thought that helped me was do I know anyone with a relationship that I would rather have than the one I've got, and the answer is no.

go out and party. visit the old haunts and relive past glory and see how you feel.

Other question: I presume that there is a Mr New?

no there isnt a mr new i wouldnt do that to my kids for starters yeh there is some things that i like about him still.

he is a great dad most of the time