Can someone explain why my dad is being like this??

[chipmunkswhereareyou]

Ok my dad and I have a bit of a history. He's quite odd in his behaviour.

I called up and said we might go up to stay with them just before xmas. They said oh no you can't because your brother is coming then.
I said that was fine but then when I spoke to my brother it turned out he wasn't definitely going then and it might be then or one of four other weekends. I explained that it was the only weekend we could go so given he wasn't bothered about that weekend could we go then.
He said yes and it was all amicable.

Then I called my parents and told them that we were coming up that weekend and had agreed it with db. They flew off the handle saying db is coming then so you can't and weirdly didn't believe me!

Two days later they call again saying you can't come up that weekend as db is coming. I said but I already told you we'd agreed it. They were being totally over the top and ridiculous about it all and getting in a tizz (as they often do).

Why on earth wouldn't they beleive me??! Do they think I've railroaded db/ or I'm too stupid to get this right or something???

have you spoken again to your brother? Did you get HIM to talk to them and tell them all was well between you and him and there was no problem from his pov? Can you think of any reason WHY they don't want you to visit? Are you sure it's ok for you to just decide you are going to stay with them? I mean you agreed with your brother that you would go and stay in their home on a certain weekend, right? Maybe they would prefer to invite you? Or have you always worked like that?

i'd fuck it off an not go tbh

Ah my sentiments exactly Custardo

I wouldn't over fuss about why they are being like this. I just wouldn't bother going to visit them. Are they always like this with you?

How old are they?

They are in their mid sixties.

No the inviting ourselves isn't a problem as actually we're staying with my gran not them as she has more room for us all.

My db would be doing the same so it's not an issue about that.

Hecate - I spoke to him last night and asked him to tell them himself which he was happy to do. It shouldn't have to rely on him telling them though should it!?

I would love to put my foot down and not go - it's ridiculous to be treated like this when I'm in my mid thirties not a child.

They have a long history of flying off the handle and I can't be doing with it BUT I want to see my elderly gran who won't be here for ever iyswim. I can't just see her and not see them. They just cause so much stress where they don't need to!

Also it's really my dad who is like this and my mum just goes along with it so I don't want to not see my mum either.

I would go stay with your gran say to you parents I'll be at grand from x till x if u want to see us feel free to come over!

Pokey that won't really work as we were always staying at my gran's (around the corner) anyway.

Dh thinks that it's because db has become their favourite it seems recently and they are disappointed they're getting us instead of him (even though db will go up another time)!

I don't suppose you could invite your mum and Gran to stay with you and leave your Dad to stew on his own

I would totally love to do that and it would be a great solution but yet again there's a hitch in that (ridiculously imho) my parents will not do anything without each other - well not anything like going away for a night or two. But that's another story!

I can understand that, shame though. Christmas and families just don't mix do they! You try really hard to please and end up offending someone. Is going at New year an option.

Go and see your gran and leave it at that. Phone your parents and tell them that you will be staying with gran as agreed with your db as he is going up another weekend. And sorry that they don't want to see you so you will see them sometime next year.

Leave the ball in their court.

Speak to your gran and see what she says.