Should we split?

[cananyonehelpme]

I am a regular - but obvious reasons i have name changed.

i got married 6 yrs ago and been with H since 2000.

we have 2 young children.

he works v long hrs and im self emploed - fitting most things in around the kids being in school and preschool.

i know we care for each other and NOTHING is fundamentally wrong we just plod along, no arguments, just functioning.

i dont think i love him, at least i know i am not in love with him.

sex isnt on the cards often - he is knackered and i am not that bothered. i dont think we really fancy each other.

we certainly dont get out asa a cpl - no babysitters, but this doesnt really bother us too much.

we had a chat and i told him how i was feeling and that i jst dont know if i can face another yr like this - let alone 50yrs.

we have been through this many times - i guess about 4 in the past few yrs - but always sick together.

what do we do?

someoen please help me, im in such a quandry.

tHink you just sound tired and worn down, tbh. I don't think that is a good enough reason to split - but I do think you need to start to do something to bring back a bit of sparkle. Do you both love the kids? Do you have fun together?
I think you need to prioritise getting a babysitter regularly and actually spending time together. Find something new to do together perhaps? Remember what you first saw in each other?
When you previously talked about this, did anything happen?
I think you're in danger of drifting apart through inertia.
I've had phases when I haven't felt all that much sparkle in our relationship - but I think things are getting better now we have a bit more energy. Its just hard I think when you are working hard and looking after small children.

I think this 'in love' and 'fancying' stuff can (and needs to) be worked on tbh, if you basically care for each other.

I think maybe you have just lost your way a little-got stuck in the proverbial rut.

When was the last time you both had any time to yourselves?

You sound exhausted,is he too with all the long hours?

What was his response to you telling him how you feel?

We both love the kids -e verything is about them. we always spend time together ass a family at the weekends, and it is generally fun (obviously they are young and prone to tantrums and one has some SN).

I think you are right - but we never seem to find anyone to babysit although have just suggested with my sister we have each others kids once a month so at least we get 6 nights each out a yr!

I think we have drifted apart - maybe too far? i just dont know.

thank you for replying.

I think that's just life with two young children and things would not be fundamentally different or more romantic as a single parent of two young children.
You care for each other, get on, can talk - life is going to get easier as the children grow up and you can find more time for each other then. I'd be inclined to stick with it if I was you. Life just isn't as exciting as we think it should be!

We dont really get time to ourselves. he leaves the house at 6-7am and gets back around 8pm - if not out with clients etc.

i think wee are both exhausted and bored

he said i was obviously thinking about this alot and that was it - i was going into pick one of the children up from p/school at the time.

we do talk and care for each othere, maybe its fundamentally ME - i know i get bored easily and then the root sets in.

Actually yes, maybe as important as spending time together, is spending time with yourself (I know its hard to find the time). It will make you feel better about yourself, and you will therefore become more lovable and you will enjoy your partner's company more. As well as bored, have you perhaps both become a little boring?
We have found weekends better since we started spending less time all together. We now mix and match a bit between one person taking the kids and the other having a bit of space, or one adult one chidl for a while.
We have our worst bickering when both together with the children, I don't know why!

I think if you think the problem is that you are bored, then perhaps you need to do something about your own life - take matters into your own hands?
I think sometimes when stuck in a rut its easy to blame someone else. Fundamentally its not their job to make you happy.

LLE, sounds like us already!

i have had alot of health probs and he has been great. he is a good good man, and i know in his own way he loves me.

i do think we need to get out more. once a month would be great, but that may be too much to find sitters for.

maybe i do want too much, probably true.

elliot - you are right, totally. i think we need some time to do our own thing. he is just starting something on his own, i should too. get my lazy arse down the gym again or running.

i appreciate all your replies.

I don't think there's any problem with wanting mroe out of life, but I think expecting one person to provide it may be unrealistic.
Would relationship counselling help? Is it a problem with how he expresses his love for you? Do you feel unappreciated?

i have suggested counselling before, it may help us to find why we got married in the first place. he isnt hugely expressive - but nor am i and i know he appreciates what i do, but doesnt show it - but then i dont show him i appreciate what he does (breadwinner etc) and he is good around thte house and with the kids.

There is a book that was mentioned on here a while ago called 'The Five Love Languages' by Gary Chapman, its basicly how we feel loved, some people need physical contact etc..

I think once we know what we want we can then tell our partners.... thats if they have trouble working it out for themselves
sadly its too late for me.. me and mr rumdad are seperating.. we still live together.. so things aren't that bad, but he will move out after xmas.... the kids aged 10 and 12 took it ok... few tears...
mr rumdad did say that it was for the best and that he hadn't been happy for years!

have a look at the thread... what does your partner do to show you he loves you... and ask your self the same question...

would love to add more but dd's come home from school...

thanks everyone. we had a good talk..........followed by some great sex (its been a while!) and we both talked about how we felt etc.

i think we can get through this - we must talk and appreciate each other more and we will both aim to do this. he has never wanted to split - its me. i am going to do more for me - get out on my own once a week - and sure i will better and so will he.

xxx