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Original poster

DH's grandparents refuse to use DS's name!

76 replies

MrsMagooo · 14/11/2008 08:48

This may seem really trvial but it's driving me nuts!

Our DS is 3 months old & we named him Elijah, we both adore it & wanted a strong bible name for him

Pretty much everyone thinks it's fab - that is aside from DH's grandparents.

DH grandad says he just can't get used to it & doesn't know how to say it - he thinks we should have called him something "normal" like Raymond

DH Nan doesn't ever use his name - just refers to him as Baby or Babe

It's really getting on my nreves - especially as DH Nan keeps asking if she can call him something else!!

I adore my sons name, it's not that different & IMO isn't wacky or odd - but even if it was surely they should just accept that, that is his name!

What are they going to do when he's in his teens FFS?

Sorry - just needed to rant!!

OP posts:
Grammaticus · 14/11/2008 12:12
Quattrocento · 14/11/2008 12:13

Elijah is fun. Raymond sounds a bit dismal. Were you hoping for an oratorical son?

2point4kids · 14/11/2008 12:37

I think it is fairly normal for some people set in their ways to take some time to get used to a name they werent expecting.
Your DS is only 3 months old, so they must still be getting used to it.

I can see how irritating it must be though (I have some experience as in laws all took ages to use the version of DS2's name I wanted).
They will eventually get used to it as long as you keep calling him Elijah frequently in front of them (at the moment it still sounds like a strange word to roll off their tongue and they probably feel self consious saying it, but the more you say it, the more normal it will sound to them)

The other option is to say something to them.
Wait till next time they say they'd like to call him something else and reply with 'Well Eli is the only shortening you can really get from Elijah, so its either Eli or Elijah. Eli isnt too hard for you to say is it?' and if they insist on 'no, its not too hard but we dont like it' just be firm and say 'sorry, but thats his name. Everyone else, especially us loves it. You will have to get used to it'
If its really bugging you and they dont bring it up themselves, then say something to them like 'Nan, why dont you like using Elijah's name? Its upsetting me a bit that you wont use his name. Is it too hard for you to say?' and then offer up Eli again.

Hope you get it sorted!

alphabetsoup · 14/11/2008 13:11

I'd find that deeply irritating tbh. I think it's really rude to keep harping on about it after 3 months - never mind mentioning their dislike of the name at all ! Keep being polite but become increasingly firm with them. It's just not negotiable is it really ?

georgimama · 14/11/2008 13:15

I'm amazed at 70 year old who can't say the name Elijah. I mean, when they went to school RE was taught "properly", you'd expect them to be familiar with OT names.

Basically they don't like it. Tough titties!!

TheProvincialLady · 14/11/2008 13:26

You need a 3 step programme:

1: DH tells his parents that your DS name is Elijah and that is what they need to call him, since it would be rude to call him The Boy forever
2: You both remind them of this every time they do it
3: If they persist, start calling them The Mother in Law and The Father in Law, to their faces.

Simplysally · 14/11/2008 13:42

Tell them that you're thinking of changing it to Elisha instead (he was a prophet after Elijah I think) and see their faces fall!

Elijah is a lovely name but he's your DS so they should respect whatever name you chose. My Nan didn't like my name at first but she got used to it.

Cryptoprocta · 14/11/2008 15:32

Elijah is a beautiful name, but I'd end up calling him Binky. I'm a real nicknames person, it'll be a long time before DD learns what her name actually is.

Fizzylemonade · 14/11/2008 15:48

I agree, I don't think you should compromise, why should you?

You chose the name for your child (Elijah was in my top 3 names) they call him that or you don't see them.

How would they like it if you decided you didn't like their name and called them something else.

It is just plain rude of them. Age is no excuse.

MorrisZapp · 14/11/2008 17:24

I'm a big fan of pet names, ie the family calling each other by names other then their 'sunday' one.

Seems like much of the population agrees with me, after all names like Jack, Harry, Billy etc were never used on birth certificates in generations past - kids got given names like John, Henry and William, and the family used the pet variation of this. These pet names are all the rage now.

I love hearing all the weird and wonderful names that people call their family members, and the reasons for it.

Please don't let this get in the way of a great relationship with the olds, they won't be around forever and surely their time and love are not at all based on your lad's name. Can you think of a pet version of Elijah that you could suggest as a compromise?

Bring back the pet name tradition!!

MorrisZapp · 14/11/2008 17:29

... and also, I quite like 'the boy' as a name. One of my nephews gets called 'the lad' and the whole family use this quite a lot - not because we don't like his given name, but because it's cute and he uses it himself, for instance on his computer games he calls himself 'Sir Ladalot' and silly things like that.

He's happy and proud to be The Lad, and knows that nobody is saying it to try to diminish his name in any way. It's great for kids to have different names to choose from and enjoy.

Original poster
MrsMagooo · 14/11/2008 17:29

Hullo all,

Funny some of you should mention the name Jacob as this is Elijah's middle name - well one of them them - Elijah Jacob Patrick

We did offer up Jay-Jay too as when he was first born DD couldn't say his name (she still has trouble & calls him Slider ) as when DD tried to say his name it came our Jay-Jay but they ignored that

I honestly thought they would love it with it being a strong bible name (we are all Christians) but they just haven't taken to it at all.

Like some of you have said - once Elijah starts using his name himself maybe it will spur them to call him that too

I loved the comment someone made about them using it when they need to get his attention because he's grabbing at their things

I am grateful that he does have such doting great-grandparents & in the beginning I was tolerant of the fact that they needed time to get used to it but he's 3 months old now & we seem them regulary so I would have thought by now they would have accepted his name.

Ho hum

OP posts:
MrsThierryHenry · 14/11/2008 17:32

Fab name! Did you get the 'oooh, what a Jewish name' (said with accompanying frown)? We got that for our equally biblical name, so did friends of ours. I mean wtf is that meant to mean? DH pointed out to his parents that both their names are Jewish too!

You're never gonna win this one; I'd also go with shortening it to Eli.

MrsThierryHenry · 14/11/2008 17:33

Or J. Like that too.

SoupDragon · 14/11/2008 17:34

As MadameCastafiore says, the MN answer is that you should tell the offending person that you don't like their name and will be calling them from now on.

Original poster
MrsMagooo · 14/11/2008 17:34

LOL - nope not had the 'what a jewish name' yet - although I'm sure we will

We offered up Eli (even though I don't want his name shortened) to no avail!

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsMagooo · 14/11/2008 17:35

LOL - yes I liked Madames answer too - might have to try that

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsMagooo · 14/11/2008 17:35

LOL - yes I liked Madames answer too - might have to try that

OP posts:
MrsThierryHenry · 14/11/2008 17:37

Well let's hope you don't. We also, happily had 'wow, what a great Jewish name!' from a Jewish colleague (with big smiles - we are Gentiles so he was impressed )

Original poster
MrsMagooo · 14/11/2008 17:39
Grin
OP posts:
pushchair · 14/11/2008 17:46

Hello Mrs M. My inlaws have probs with DDs2and 3 names and when we wanted to call DD1 Aoife fil said 'oh dont for gods sake call her that f....ing Irish name' Charming bloke he is. Especially as my brother and I have very Irish names.
Agree with all advice to call em names themselves. Think up a couple of good ones and announce you will will be calling them those.

EachPeachPearMum · 14/11/2008 21:39

I reckon showofhands is named Sloop!

solidgoldbrass · 14/11/2008 21:55

MorrisZapp: Yeah, I know exactly what you mean about 'sunday' names. My grandad was called John Neville but was always Neville to family and John to people he knew less well.
My DS has 3 forenames and is known by the initials of the first two. When I was PG I was not on good terms with his dad (who had wanted him to be called by the name that is is 3rd forename) and when DS was a baby his dad told his parents that he wanted the baby called by this name, and asked me if he could be known by that name in DS' family. Initially I said yes - and then when DS got to about 1 I said could they call him by the name everyone else called him (his initials) so as not to confuse him, and now everyone just calls him that - but when he gets to his teens and wants to call himself by any one of his forenames or indeed Captain Splat it will be up to him.

(Can you tell I farking hate my given name and have used a different one for most of my adult life...)

PrettyCandles · 14/11/2008 22:13

With ds1 I did not know how to stand up to my ILs and his name got shortened to the accepted nickname of his given name. If I had wanted to call him by that particular nickname, I would have named him that way! The nickname is fine, but he now hates to be called by his 'real' name, because he's not used to it. Which saddens me because we chose his full name because we liked it and wanted to use it.

But I knew better by the time we had dd and then ds2, and I simply ignored everyone and made a point of calling the LOs by their proper given names, not by the nicknames. Even if I wanted to use their nicknames, I didn't do so within anybody's hearing. It took a couple of years, but almost everybody calls dd and ds2 by their proper names. Now I can start using nicknames, and, what's more, I use the nicknames I want to, not what anybody else assumes.

I also have lots of petnames for all my dc. I don't mind if other relatives have petnames for my dc, as long as it is understood that these are petnames, and that the relatives do not have the right to dictate my dc's names.

JonahB · 14/11/2008 22:20

I'm not giving any advice, as i think everyone else has given you some great feedback, I wanted to add that I LOVE the name. It was my no.2 choice for DS2. I've gone for strong biblical names for both my DS's.

Stick by your guns though. You and DH love the name. In the nicest possible way, s*d anyone else. He is your baby and you chose a name you love together (can you tell I had similar thoughts when I saw some reactions to my DS's names)

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