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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

ANY ADVICE. PLEASE

10 replies

debbie102 · 13/11/2008 21:46

Ok, sorry this is a long saga but most of you know about my situation and the reasons i left a twenty year marriage, just getting myself sorted, even got the courage to file for divorce.
today i got a letter from his solicitor, telling me he wants access to his youngest child age 2, but not only access he wants the little fella overnight from lunchtime on sat to lunchtime on sunday. i know hes deluding himself thinking hel get this well im hoping he is, not saying if it goes to court im saying when it goes to court cause im gonna fight this all the way.

this is the doting dad that has never changed the childs nappy, never put himto bed, never fed, bathed or spent longer than 10 mins on his own with him. Couldnt tell you where his birthmark is. not given me any money deprived us of hot water and heating since he was born. Not to metion what hes put his eldest children through in the past number of years, getting his eldest son arrested for falsley accusing him of assault oh the list is endless.
but this letter has knocked me for six, completely,

i have all the documentation of what has been going on in the house over the last twelve months and this is all with my solicitor, which she has advised me what he has done is mental abuse.

is there anything else that i can do to make sure that the courts are on my side eventually when all this does get to court.

i carnt believe that i was just getting on my feet feeling halfhuman again and nowim feeling as low as i did before and im not even in the marital home( which i mite add he said as in his name and belonged to him therefore it was me and the kids that had to move as he wasnt going to).

i feel like im at my witts end again.
anyone any advice please.

OP posts:
spookycharlotte121 · 13/11/2008 21:49

If the dc doesnt spend much time with his dad then I think that supervised contact would be more appropriate. sorry i cant realy give you any advice. x

debbie102 · 13/11/2008 21:52

should have said sorry, he hasnt seen his father for 7 weeks and hes not asked for him once, because of the situation we were put in , in the marital home, he was with with me 24/7 and now is very very i mean very clingy, he will not leave my side for anyone and if he carnt see me in his eyeshot he screams for me.
thanks

OP posts:
leoleo · 13/11/2008 22:05

Just an idea - you should have the clingyness witnessed and documented in some way by a professional (more than once). Healthvisitors, GP's etc. So you can prove that it would effect your ds if he was taken away for access.

debbie102 · 13/11/2008 22:13

yes thankyou wil do that, good idea, he is like another limb, no exagerating.

OP posts:
leoleo · 13/11/2008 22:25

Why does he want access? Is this to punish you or does he want to see his dc?

debbie102 · 13/11/2008 22:30

hes no interested tilnow in his children, least of all his youngest hes not had any time wit him, like i exlained, my sister and my solicitor say hes trying to play with my head, play silly games like hes been doing for years , he never thought id leave or have my own independance, its been very hard and exhausting trying to do it but finally managed to do it got the strength from somewhere he hasnt asked to see hiskisfor the last 7 weeks and all of sudden when i instructed a soliciter to send him divorce papers he comesup with this idea. my head is spinning with it all tbh. but yes i think its to get at me , cause hes no interest in the kids now and never has. (sorry bit long winded i know im finding it hard to express my feelings and explain myself atm)

OP posts:
honeybehappy · 13/11/2008 22:40

Hello, i have no advice but i just wanted to say well done for leaving him.

debbie102 · 13/11/2008 22:45

thanks honeybe happy did take enormous strength tbh dont know where it cam from 20 years is sucha long time its half my life,, such a big empty scary gap now. but then this happens, never rains butit pours.

OP posts:
Jux · 13/11/2008 23:03

So he got a letter asking for divorce from you. So then he goes to a solicitor who says you have to ask for custody/contact, blah blah blah. You get a letter.

Keep a log of everything. Get witnesses. Keep copies. Make sure everything goes through your solicitor.

I don't know, but it seems extremely unlikely the courts would award that sort of contact, especially if you ask for supervised contact only.

Take deep breaths, have a long bath. I hope your strength is restored in the morning. Good luck.

debbie102 · 14/11/2008 10:59

thanks for that info, im really tired of all this , tbh. i will log everything and i mean everything. never slept a wink through worrying but will take note of all advice given to me

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