Spied on his emails - how can I bring it up?!

[ohmygollygosh]

Was a bit suspicious of something so I looked at DH's emails. I read something which I really don't like the sound of and which I need to talk to him about - but how can I bring this up when I shouldn't have been looking at his emails anyway?!

Don't know, i read hubby's, he reads mine, same with the snail mail.

Could you say you found them by accident because he hadn't signed out properly?

hmmm, if it were me, and it is something you don't like the sound of, but there is not enough proof, I would wait, and spy more

But thats just me.

Is there any reason why you looked in the first place? Have you had reaon to be suspicious in the first place??

It was something from ages ago though moon66, if it was something he'd have emailed recently I could've used that.

id just be honest and say i was feeling a bit suspicious so i looked and now i think i had reason to be suspicious

Just be a grown up and tell him the truth. You read his email and you would like to talk to him about XXXX

purpleduck, I did have reason to be suspicious, yes.

What would you do about this actually? It seems that he met up with an ex a while back - it was in public in the middle of the day and the ex is now in a relationship, so I'm sure it was all very innocent. BUT - he didn't tell me about it, that's the part that worries me. And he sent her an email afterwards saying "it was great to see you, you're looking really great" etc. I don't mind an innocent bit of flirting but does that sound worrying to you?

Surely if you're in a suspicious mood, and you start going through someone's emails, eventually you will find something you don't like. That's the price you pay for snooping ...

probably just met for coffee and a catch up and didn't want to tell you incase it caused a row. i wouldn't like it though.
Casually say you saw X in the street and ask if he has seen her recently.

That doesn't sound that worrying to me - I mean, I'd be unhappy about DH hiding things from me, I guess ... have you been unhappy about this particular ex in the past?

No - his email doesnt sound suspicious to me. Do you think he shouldnt ever compliment any women friends? It sounds like the sort of things people say to one another if they havent met up for some time.

Do you feel insecure in your relationship? Has he ever given you reason not to trust him?

I wouldn't like if dh had kept it from me, but my husband has a very long history of making things worse whne he is in a bad situation!

Are you generally ok with him seeing his ex? If not, then maybe he wanted to catch up, but didn't want you to make a big deal of it? Not right, but I know thats what my dh would think {sigh!}

If you are ok with him seeing his ex, then I would probably....oh hell! I would probably spy more!! I was going to try and say something high-road, but I can't!!! I would spy, and I would feel bad about it, and I am low!!! Low I say!!!

"Do you think he shouldn't ever compliment any women friends? " Of course not - but I just don't expect him to lie about it!! I'd be fine if he said he met up with her, it's purely the fact that he didn't tell me that makes me think it's something worrying. I wouldn't have batted an eyelid if he'd told me. I like the idea that maybe he just didn't want to start a row though.

purpleduck, LOL

He didn't lie to you, he just didn't tell you about it and that's a different thing.

If you had asked him whether he saw her and he said he hadn't then that's one thing, but he probably didn't tell you because he thought you might be upset - which is true!

You're approaching this whole thing with a suspicious mind and you're reading lots into it without knowing the facts. You've already crossed the line of invading his privacy so you might as well tell him and at least get the whole thing out in the open otherwise you'll just worry yourself to death, possibly over nothing.

Don't compound the situation by continuing to spy on him.

Squitten, good point about the difference between lying and not telling - thank you.

I thought about telling him that I'd accidentally seen the emails ages ago, when they happened (using the 'you didn't log off' thing) and that I'd decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and had forgotten about it, but then say that because he acted suspiciously tonight I've started to worry about it again which is why I'm bringing it up now. Does that sound awfully childish?!
I just feel so embarrassed to say "I've been spying on you"

I really want to forget about it all and just let it go, but would I be stupid to do that? Do you think I could just assume that it's nothing or should I check? Quite frankly we haven't had sex in and I'm worried that he's going to search elsewhere

tech he didnt lie, i agreebut he could have mentioned it imo

why havnt you had sex for over a year - but dont reply if i am being to personal?

we have Nightmare Baby From Hell and sleep is impossible, let alone anything else! We just don't have the energy.

aww poor you

maybe you need a night away to catch upon romance and sleep

Well PHEW. I spoke to him and I was just worrying for nothing. I know he's telling the truth about it and I feel so much better for having faced it. I'd have just worried away if I hadn't spoken to him about it. I told him I read his email and that I was really embarrassed and he was fine about it. So now I just feel bad

glad it got sorted

now make time for you two

Glad you din't do what I would've done!!!

glad it went ok for you.

Try to get someone to have baby for a few hours at their place so you can massage each other or something? You need to still connect.