How do i make friends

[honeybehappy]

Hello this is gonna sound pathetic but i have no friends.

We have 2 dd'2 ages 3 and 16 months, since having dd1 i lost touch with my so called friends and i have no one.

My dp has friends and i chat with them and their GF and the pub but none of them have kids and we don't have much in common.

It just so frustrating, i have been to a couple of mum and toddler groups and have just been totally ignored.

I am a larger lady and sometimes i think this might be the problem. Does anyone really think like that when making new friends?

Dd1 has just started nursery and i chat to a few mums but most just look past me.

Aww, I am in the same boat. I have depression which doesn't help, I just throw myself into looking after the DSs otherwise I get really upset thinking what a loser I am. Just keep chatting to mums, it's so easy to just pick up/drop of your child without a word.

Where are you? Try the MN Local bit of the board to see who is near you, first of all.
Secondly, toddler groups can be grim but even the nicer ones you need to persist with a bit. Say something nice about another DC, ask for recommendations about good parks/stuff to do with DC - and try all the toddler groups in your area you can find. Some are a bit grim, particularly if you're the oldest/youngest/poorest/richest/only one from a different ethnic group or social class and there is a huge majority of the other end of the spectrum, but others are more mixed and more friendly.

Im in southend-on-sea, i don't think theres alot of local mums on here.

I don't think i can face anymore mum and toddler groups coz it really makes me upset.

Hi there. First, I'm sure your size has nothing to do with this, lots of us are larger than we'd like to be, particularly after having children. It does not put people off!

Do you have a children's centre in your area? They run lots of groups for young children & babies & their parents. If I were you, I'd ring first, and talk to the organiser. If you tell them that you're finding it hard to meet people and make friends, I'm sure they would be especially welcoming.

Don't give up, you can get through this, and will meet lots of new friends. Sending you lots of hugs!!!

thanks for the hugs tipsycat.

im gonna make sure i go to atleast one mum and toddler a week and try harder.

I used to live in Southend, and found the local NCT very friendly and supportive - indeed I made my three very closest friends through it. Sadly I've now moved away, so can't reach out to you personally, honey.

I also made friends at the school gates and at toddler groups - and I'm a larger lady too, and rather shy and retiring, so it can happen for you too!

Your size has nothing to do with it (unless you happen to have stumbled across a very strange bunch of people!). I am size 6 and felt just the same as you a couple of years ago. It can be really hard to meet new people, especially if you are already feeling a bit low.

I agree with the others, you just have to get yourself out there and be as friendly as possible. There will be other people there who don't know many people and if you get talking to them it will be easier on both of you.

I found that putting on a pretence of being very happy and smiley and perfectly happy to just be drinking my drink and playing with my 6m DS helped. If you look anxious it seems to put people off.

Can you be honest and say to mums that you are having trouble making friends now you have 2 children and would they fancy being your friend. I know that sounds like a sad thing to do but if it was me being told that then I would definitely reach out to that person.

Also please don't take this the wrong way but check you don't have BO or smelly breath that puts anyone off. That rather than size is sometimes the problem. I am sure you don't, but wanted to say it in case you do.

Also is your child a bully or difficult in company as maybe that is putting off other parents protecting who are just protecting their children. Again I'm sure they're not but just in case...

I hope things get better for you.
xx

Whats NCT?

Yellowflowers i'm pretty sure i don't smell.
and my little girls are soo lovely and gentle.

I just picked dd up from nursery and saw a sign for a mum and toddler thats run by one of the nursery staff so im gonna go on monday. I have seen them going in before and they all look friendly.

I'm sure you don't smell either. Wasn't being nasty, I promise, just trying to think of the reasons why you might be feeling lonely. xx

National Childbirth Trust - they do loads of research into childbirth and parenbting, and support breastfeeding. A lot of mums meet people through their ante natal classes, but they also hold 'teas', which can be sociable (although ime an axcuse for gaggles of hair-flickers to come and eye up other people's stuff). Don't let me put you off, google it and I'm sure you'll find your local one.

Sounds good, honey. I'd still recommend a little word with the organiser beforehand, that will make it even more likely to be a success! Has your DD made some friends at nursery? Maybe their parents will be at meeting too, perhaps you could ask them over for playdates? Let us know how it goes.

Katch - I used to go to NCT coffee mornings in honey's area - and they certainly weren't full of hair-flickers eying up people's stuff - they were a good way to get out and meet other people whose children were similar age to mine.

I found it very friendly and inclusive.

I am with you on this one honey. The answer for me has been developing a thick skin and trying until someone breaks! . I talk to other mums wherever I get the chance. Some are off hand fom the start so I forget them and try someone else. I have been off work nearly 8 months and have found 1 friend, a couple of acquantancies and a lovely church m&t group where people smile and talk to one another. I still dont feel I have many proper friends but a bit of company for me and the DCs is better than nowt. Doesnt help that DH has more friends than he knows what to do with!

You have to be open to make friends- at the moment you are doubting yourself saying 'I bet people don't want to be my friend cos I'm overweight' or whatever. You are unconsciously putting a barrier up and may even be acting defensively.

Change your thinking. You sound lovely, why wouldn't people want to be your friend? Of course they would. I bet you have lots to offer, you just have to keep telling yourself that.

I used to have real trouble chatting to people until someone pointed out that I used to sit in the corner, wanting people to talk to me, but expecting them not to. Now I just say any old rubbish to people and smile and you'd be surprised how many people open up to you. Also try not to worry if they don't talk back or ignore you. It's them, not you!

Thanks ladies, you are making me feel like i do have something to offer and i've just got to get out more.

Today i sent off for my driving licence and phoned a local slimming club.

I'll have a look on the NCT website aswell.