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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relate - is it a painful process and can it help get back/come to terms with stuff?

2 replies

Needshelp · 12/11/2008 20:51

Regular Mumsnetter but have namechanged for this.

I've been mulling over the idea of going to Relate for sometime to clear some issues I have with my bf/ex-bf (depending when you catch me). We have argued, made up, argued made up. Currently we are split and he says no going back but he still loves me. And is is love with me .

I admit that I can be a handful but it's not all one-sided. WHen I've tried to raise issues with him, he dismisses them as unimportant. We tried Relate in April but I went to the initial session then cancelled the rest of the course as I found it hard to vocalise my thoughts in the meeting then I was in tears. At lunch afterwards, bf didn't like it when I mentioned some stuff, saying we weren't to discuss it at that point. If not then, then when? The counsellor did pick up on some issues which I think my ex had problems believing might stem from him as he thought I was the one who needed straightening out. Ironically he has latterly admitted that he was over the top on some things and i did have a point of view.

Anyway, I have decided to go on my own now since I am strugglig a bit to come to terms with the end of us but I'm not sure why or what I want to get out of it. I cry when I talk to him - the tears just run out of my eyes, and feel so lonely at nights. one minute I feel glad and the next I am unhappy. It's not wasting Relate's time to go is it? I would really welcome their perspective on it all. Give me persmission to be angry or sad, whatever. I feel as though my emotions have been repressed for a long time. I know Relate can't fix stuff but I think I'm also dreaming about a happy ever after.

OP posts:
phantasmagoria · 12/11/2008 22:17

I'd definitely give it a go. It can help clarify things for you, give you an ear, help you decide what you want to do. I went on my own for 6 months when my (exish) H didn't want to go. It was helpful. You sound very sad. I feel for you. It is mos def not wasting their time, they are there for that.

needshelp · 13/11/2008 10:39

I do feel very sad. I admit that I was OTT when we were last physically together but now he has blockd me on his email account, yet expects me to reply to some emails I didn't get and he called that vindication. I have offered to retract what I said, I have offered to drive there to sort it out in person.

I don't think whatever i say will be right in his eyes since he has often claimed the casting vote in arguments and has guillotioned them in terms of when I express something he didn't like. He's now demanding details of my landlady so he can contact them about being the guarantor for my flat (he wants to take his name). I won't hand them over without her consent but I just want to be able to talk to him.

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