Can a troubled relationship survive the arrival of another baby

[desperate02]

I am certain that I am pregnant, my Dh and I had a good relationship before DS was born 3 years ago and since we have struggled, we both love each other, but find it difficult since ds arrived. We decided that we didn't want anymore children, and he is due to have the snip in 2 weeks time. There is no way that I could get rid of it, and I know that he wouldn't make me. I just need to hear similar stories that have worked out or advice that will help me.
I have told dh I think I am pregnant, but he says no way and I am getting myself at it. I know my body and am sure I am pregnant.

Anyone? Is it really all that bad.

We (DH and I) had a dreadful time adjusting to our DS when he was born over 3 years ago. We only decided to go for another as we didn't want him to be on his own, as there are no cousins, and not likely to be any. With much trepidation we went ahead and now have a 5 month old DD. What a difference it makes being experienced on the parenting front. She is so much easier.

All I can add is that a second was no where near as dreadful as I was expecting - it was infact enjoyable. And I always vowed I would never have another baby after DS was born.

How troubled is the relationship? If you still love each other you can work this out. There are ways around everything as I am just learning. You need to first of all find out if it is +ve.

Hi
This is an interesting topic - can't offer much on the advice front, but based on how dh and I are getting on now (ds is 15 months old), we will never have another baby! I can only hope that at some point we do adjust to everything... Desperate02, I wish you the best of luck with everything. Gosh2, it's good to know that things can improve even when it seems as if they can't. I know that my sil got on very badly with her dp for ages after the birth of their daughter, they now have a 2 month old - their first baby is almost 3 - and things seem to be on a much more even keel. I think of this to cheer myself up when I am feeling down about dh and I being so unloving towards each other...

Have you considered counselling? I was at the point of leaving my dp when we decided to go to counselling last year. The thought of being a single mum and depriving my ds of his dd was the only thing that had held it together to that point. We found that counselling helped enormously, and while our relationship is still far from perfect, we're back on an even keel. To the extent that we're going for a second baby now. Do the test, then either way, book up to see that counsellor. You owe it to yourselves and your ds, whether or not there's another on the way.

Have you done a pregnancy test? All this may be for nothing. At least this way you would know for certain.

UPDATE.

I do did do a test and it was positive, then over the w/end I had a very heavy period, so this maybe an early miscarriage. I was so upset that I was pregnant and would have done anything not to be, but when it happened I was a little sad and thought that I might of added to the mis-carriage in some way. Although I am no longer pregnant, I feel a little sad that it happened at all.

DH was great and it may have given us the basis to start again.

desperate02, sorry to hear about your recent turmoil. I think if you are struggling with one child my experience would suggest that having another, although not as stressful does eat into your time even further. I hope that you and DH will be able to sort things out.
Good luck

Desperate02 - So sorry to hear about your bad news.
dp and I are not getting on at all well mainly due to the fact that I suffer from PND (ds in 21mths) and am a very difficult person to live with. I want another baby soon, but am scared I'll get 'bad' again and it will end the relationship for good. However, it may be wonderful and bring us closer together! I s'pose it's just whether you want to take that risk or not.... I do coz my broody hormones are going mad!

Hope things all turn out ok.