Well, the whole story is being so long, for over 6 years now.
I am married, lets say not so happily married. But by the time it all began I was sure I am the happiest of them all.
One cold February I met a man. To drop all the details we became friends. Nothing special, he was leaving in Estonia, me in London. So we were exchanging sms's from time to time.Then I got through tough period in my life where I was thinking my dh would support me, but no. This guy did much more than dh and all just via sms.
Well, one day he came to visit some friends in London,he is English btw, and we met and it all ended up in his bed. So sonce that my life turned upside down.We were seeing each other very rarely coz he didn't live as I said in UK.Well, after one year the cheating thing happened this guy told me something like "I want to be with you",or gaving me hints that he has a blonde girfriend now but woould be much happy with brunette(I have a dark hair). I didn't take it seriously.Basically what was I doing with him I was playing like cat with the mouse.And must say dh knew about this affair or let's say suspected a lot. And everytime this guy was in town, whatwas very rare, somehow dh would now about that.And as a man wasn't happy about,In fact he forbid me to speak to him. Well, not the point.
So after all his talks about us being together i never assumed that he was serious. I knew he wasn't ready for kids and I madly wanted to have a child.
In 2004 i got pregnant and was about 4 months got a call from him. I told him to leave me alone coz I want to have a family with dh.But deep down, very down I knew it was wrong. I knew I didn't love dh, but still was clinging to idea that a child will save our marriage.
So, I had a beautiful dd,went back to my home country. And last year around august I texted him. I was in London that time. But was packing my bags to go back home. He got really upse why I didn't txt him earlier so he would organise trip to UK.He still was living in Estonia. Told me the news. He was married. After that call when I said to leave me alone he went to his girlfriend and proposed to her. They got married.
So, this year we started to text really heavy.Like talking constantly via txt. I am in my country, he is in Estonia. And there is a little thing I need to tell as well. His wife knows about me, knows why he proposed.
So all our texting led to us meet each other in May, in my country,then he had busy summer.He moved back to London, got really good job there. But we didn't stop texting,Though he was doing this secretly from his wife.And with every text we got closer and close to each other. You know, I couldn't imagine a single day without talking to him.I didn't talk that much to my dh, maybe once a week.BTW, relationships with dh got worsen last summer.
So After such kind of txting I became really pushy about his wife and that fact that he needs to leave her. She didn't move with him to London and doesn't plan at all. So I saw him in Sept and got really really pushy about our future and that we need to do something.The only thing he told me that time is if could turn back time he wouldn'd get married. I know he doesn't love her, I just feel it.He did it coz it was the time for him to get married and she was the best option for that time.
Last weekend he came to visit me again. It was so great at the start, you know posh hotel, so passionate sex. Then on Saturday I had studying in school, I am doing second diploma now and study on the weekends.but not for long, just 3 hours and I was back. When I got back I found him really upset coz he wife called and he suspects that she might know somthing. She said that she called before and the voicemail went on some language similar to my country language.Total rubbish, pfone is from UK and all voicemails are in English, even in roaming. So he was upset.
When we went for dinner, you know a couple >romantic time he told me that he would need to call her to calm her down and to prove to her that he is in Munich. And that voicemail was in German.I must say, german IS VERY different to my tongue.Very, and any intelligent person would hear the difference. Plus his wife speaks similar language to mine, lets say same language group.
So he asked me can he call her, I said- YES, after dinner.I said to him in exact words- " I will be queit when you talk to her, I will make no sound"
He said, " Darling, I will be quick, just 4-5 mins"
So, dinner, we finish our starters, talking about our future, he showed me pics of the house he wants to buy for us.Everything is so good,and in the middle of the dinner he stands up and said that he need to call her now. I said, ok. he insisted -4-5 mins and left me there for 15 mins.
I mean, he saidto me that they don't talk, they don't swap emails, they even don't sleep. I know I shouldn't beleive all that blindly, but it felt like true!!!
So dinner was spoi;ed. then we went for a drinks and he was showing me my txts and among them I saw her txt. It was full of love and care.
So i left him in a bar, sttormed to the room.Started to pack the bag. But couldn't reach my friend on the fone to aske her to stay with her for this night. So I left, then I realise that i left too many thing in the room, plus I had nowhere to go at nearly 12 at night. I came back. we started to argue,It all ended up in me crashing the room down. And it was a very expensive room.
We spent that night in one bed, but no sex. he refused me. Then next day wehad a little walk a little talk and it was all about HIS spoiled weekend and how much he doesn't want it to happene anymore. I was insisting that he shouldn't pay so much attention to his wife.
So he left, I went back home and now he is not talking to me,what he said is that he cannot do that again. And that I was very immature and attention seeking. And that the whole situation was created by me only. BTW< his wife called next day exactly at the time when we were supposed to have the last sex. and he ran out of the room like a sprinter.
Before that sometime in october he said to me that he loves me so mad, so utterly, he loves me beyond any reason.
So am I immature?Was I wrong ti throw a tantrum at him? Am I being unreasonable to push him to make a choice?
I love him as well deeply and madly and cannot imagine life without him. But he ignores me since Sunday, since he left me. And I don't know what to do.