Parents evening making me question myself

[Quadrophenia]

I have posted previously about the breakdown in my relationship with my partner of 10 years, he is due to move into his flat this week and we went to parenst evening together last night. I fully expected to tell the teachers of the situation as i feel they need to know, however they made it impossible to do so my telling me how our family unit clearly makes our children such well rounded individuals, how wonderful it is that we do so much as a family blah blah blah. I felt like such a fraud but couldn
't bring myself to say'well actually we're splitting up'. Three out of four teachers all mentioned our family circs and ordinarily I would feel so proud but instead i just feel so guilty, we must look like the bloody waltons to the outside world. I just keep thinking am i doing the right thing? Not sure how i'm going to tell the teachers now

Could you call the head teacher & explain what happened at the parents evening and what is happening?

I think telling the headteacher rather than the terachers individually would be easier. hate the thought of being spoke about in the staffroom we are a well known family in the school as i have four children and i know people will be shocked.

i dont really think its necessary to tell them

Sorry you are going through this. Parents evening is probably not the best time to talk to them about it, with other parents listening in and the teachers with a long queue of parents to get though.

Why not write a letter to your DS's form tutors - they will pass the message on to whoever needs to know, and you can tell them how to approach it with your children - if at all.

TBH when we (as a former form tutor myself) received news like this, we just thought - oh how sad - and kept an extra eye out for the kids. No gossip or speculation or anything. Just be matter of fact with them. Its really none of their beeswax apart from how it may affect your children. xx

I just want them to know in case the children get upset at school etc, my dd doesn't want me to tell anyone as she is embaressed .
I guess i could write a note, at least that way i won't burst into tears (my other fear)

hi!im new on here but felt so sorry 4 u that have had 2 post.I know exactly what u going thru as experienced it myself when my marriage broke up it was a real shocker 2 everyone as we had been described as i quote'the perfect family'.
will never forget the look of shock on ds1 teacher's face when i told her she couldn't get away from me fast enough!!
Its a truly traumatic time 4 u & yes u will be guilt ridden i still am 1 yr on but u will get thru this i promise youre a brave woman & by putting yourself 1st your allowing yourself & your dcs a better home life as i imagine things there cant be 2 gr8 & what example of relationships would we be giving them?
youll find that the school mums will fall in2 2 camps either stand by u(i have close circle of wonderful mummy friends who are always there 4 me & my dcs)or sadly yes will gossip a bit & speculate!but secretly theyll admire u as most of them are unhappy in their own relationships but are just putting up!know this as surprising no of mums have told me!Keep strong & hold on in there am right behind u!!

Yes I agree with seriously blonde, I told the school when I split with my exH 2 years ago and didn't feel particularly judged.

TBH I think it's a rather odd thing for the teacher to say - because you could have a fantastic child from a single parent family or other circumstances than the norm.

Some people like to buy into that sort of stuff because it makes them feel secure. We all know the reality of life is just not like that.

And in my DS2's class (yr 3) there are at least 2 other single parents that I know of.

I don't feel any hostility from those who are still together but what has happened quite naturally is that I have forged closer bonds with many of the mums. And as I am not at the school each day I am very happy with that.

I agree that many of the couples will be unhappy and just putting up. Appearances are just that - superficial and just an appearance. And it's a real strain to keep them up if the reality doesn't match.

Also just before and at the time of split everything is very new and raw. When I told people I could hardly believe what I was saying to them.

I don't know what people thought we were like as a couple but my ExH was very much one to keep up appearances. Actually the fakery of it makes me sick and actually I think it's emotionally very unhealthy.

But once it had actually happened I felt very relieved tbh.

Two years on the reality of being single parent (I think the sole responsibility is the worst thing) has set in and its not easy but still would rather be single than in a bad and toxic marriage.

I think it's a bit unprofessional for three out of the four teachers to even bring up your children's family background actually. Because the unspoken message is that the children in the class who don't come from that type of background aren't going to do as well.

Having said that, I do think it's a good idea to mention it so that they can support your children if needed over the coming weeks and months.

Best of luck with the transition to your new family set-up.

Another viewpoint.

It seems an odd thing for 3 teachers to mention.

Perhaps they know about the split and are congratulation you on maintaining this new arrangement and the way you have worked things to make sure the children are not harmed?

HCL what u said rings so true & i hope will be of comfort 2 Quadrophenia & any other of us mums going thru it
Quadrophenia just remember that just because u couldnt make your relationship work doesnt make u a failure or a bad person(any1 thinking that can just bugger off IMO)far better 4 your children 2 grow up in a happy home where they see their mum happy & not living a lie.
a thing a friend(also div) said 2 me which helped put things in2 perspective was 'ask urself when u were last truly happy?'this clinched it 4 me!

HCL what u said rings so true & i hope will be of comfort 2 Quadrophenia & any other of us mums going thru it
Quadrophenia just remember that just because u couldnt make your relationship work doesnt make u a failure or a bad person(any1 thinking that can just bugger off IMO)far better 4 your children 2 grow up in a happy home where they see their mum happy & not living a lie.
a thing a friend(also div) said 2 me which helped put things in2 perspective was 'ask urself when u were last truly happy?'this clinched it 4 me!