what to say to dc's about seperation

[Ihaverunaway]

well, i have decided that is that and my marriage is over.

I am currently camped out at my parents (who are away for another 10 days) and dh is in the family home.

I told dc's (almost 7 and 3) that we are looking after gp house whilst they are away but the oldest knows what is going on I think.

What do I say to him ? He is very sensitive and clever and I am terrified this is will damage him

From what you have told us on your other thread I would guess your son realises the situation at home was far from ideal and though he'll be trying to figure out what's happening he may be relieved, don't you think?. I know you said he adores your DP but that doesn't mean he won't understand the reasons something has to change.
You at least have a bit of 'breathing space' to go along with the theory you are just house-sitting at the moment. Maybe you could ask him how he feels about being away from his dad now you have this job to do for his GPs - he might open up a bit.
You have done the right thing by removing your DCs from a scary situation, just remember that. You have been so brave and TOTALLY done the right thing. Good luck with everything

I was 6 when my parents split up. I don't know anyway to say this, but to say it. Unfortunately, it will damage him. He will be hurt and confused and scared and worried. There is no going around that.

Tell him the truth now. Don't wait. The sooner you tell him, the sooner you can reassure him that mommy and daddy still love him, but that they just can't be together any more.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It isn't easy on anyone.

Good luck.

Definitely tell him the truth, yes he will be scared and confused, but make sure he knows it isn't his fault.
I was 10 when my parents separated and I still thought I'd done something to make my Daddy leave.
Lots of cuddles (which will help you too) and reassurance.
It will be strange for him, but be up front and confident that your future will be brighter than the life you are leaving behind.

All will be well, be kind to yourself and well done.

i second tee's advise. My parents finally split when I was nine after years of abuse and nastiness. I knew that things were wrong and they were unhappy from a very early age, but noone ever talked to me about it because they thought I was too young to understand. So I just made up reasons for it all myself, most of which blamed myself. I'm still having to challenge this inaccurate self made view of the world today in order to try and be a happier person. For instance I blamed myself for being born, because as the youngest I felt that I kept them together longer and made them hate each other.

Talk to him, make sure he knows what is happening

and good luck for you x

thanks - I will have a chat after school.
I am sharing a double bed here with him which he is enjoying as his little sister used to get more attention from me at home I think.

dh is still in our house and, as of yesterday ,was still completely blaming me and angry with me for 'stealing' the children. His attitude is just confirming I have made the right move.

I am not sure which way to go now re trying to get dh to move out.

my dd was nearly 6 when we split. she was told as soon as possible and both dc where reassured that they'd done absolutely nothing wrong and that we both still loved them loads and they'd still get to see their dad as often as possible.

dd took it better than her 13 year old brother. they can also see how their parents are a lot happier and get on better now than before.

she is still the happy soul she was before, but with a few more questions which I answer a truthfully as possible. she even said 'we are still a family, just a different kind of one'!!

good luck x

just wanted to say that my split was very amicable and so very different from your situation. you are being very brave but also doing the right thing, taking your dc away from someone who was not only abusing you, but them also.

i think a split after a long period of mental/physical abuse can affect the children differently.

again, good luck x