DH thinks we are in trouble. I think we are tired.

[SueDonym]

DS is 7 months and still doesn't sleep through, recent bout of teething means that I am getting approx 4 hrs sleep a night. DH doesn't work at the moment and sleeps 9 hours a night, never helps with baby. I am fine with this, as I know that we are getting somewhere and I am loving being a Mum. We were meant to start trying for no 2 this month. DH is concerned that we never have sex (once a week?) and says that if we don't "reconnect" sexually he won't be comfortable with having another yet. Doesn't think he could bear "just being a mum and dad." I am getting a bit too old to wait, and have been looking forward to the next pregnancy with much anticipation. I realise that you shouldn't have another baby if you dont get on, but honestly I dont see how once a week with a 7 month old is never. Am I wrong? Must add that in a previous life DH and I did have a very active sex life, were swingers, etc. But he said he knew it would be different...

do you work?

are you planning on claiming benefits for this second child?

i think this must be a wind up becuase you sound like a right pair

Why are you being such a doormat?

Tell him if he wants more sex he needs to help out more with your DS - including night time, or at least letting you have a lie in so you get more sleep. Say you are too tired otherwise.

Tell him if he wants a clean, tidy house he has to contribute to the housework, or just put up with it.

If he continues to behave in this way you're going to really struggle when you have 2 kids. I wouldn't even consider another one until your DH starts to help out more.

His attitude seems archaic and unfair. It might (kind of) be OK for all the childcare and housework to be your responsbility if he was out of the cave for long hours every day, hunting-gathering. But he isn't.

catmandu is right. If you don't get a more equal division of labour, your (justified) resentment will put your relationship under even more strain. And frankly, sex once a week sounds like a non-stop orgy to me!!

Agree with Mrs Mattie dont understand his complaining.

he's a knob and you're a twit

I think you should listen to him. I'll get flamed for this i'm sure but it sounds as if he is trying to sort your relationship out in his own male way. Lots of men have affairs when there wives are busy with babies you only have to read this site but yours has pointed out he's not happy. Now he may have done it in an arsey way but it sounds to me like what he's trying to say is that he wants a relationship with you, maybe a night out here and there, more sex. If he wants it everynight and you want it once a week you'll have to find a happy medium. Re him not helping with the baby thats not on, is it possible he thinks your doing such a good job he's not needed. Men are silly, they feel left out and neglected easily although having said that my ds2 always wanted his daddy once he wasn't bf and at times i felt a bit left out. You sound pretty wrapped up in the baby and you are undoubtedly smitten but he is talking to you and telling you his needs which is better than alot of men. Maybe you should leave the baby with him for a day, pamper yourself they can bond you can feel sexy and bobs your uncle before you know it you'll be trying for number 2.

So, just to be clear....

He doesn't work, doesn't help with the baby or anything else, you already have a 7 month old child and all he's worried about is how much sex he's getting...?

I have no idea why you're even with this man, let alone contemplating adding another baby to this situation...

yes having sex when you don't want to, with a man who gives you no practical help and whose only contribution is to demand sex is the answer...

Once a week sounds like lots to me. I do think he should be helping you more with baby and especially so considering he's not even going out to work (but anyway really).

My midwife warned me how fertile you can be after having a baby even if it seemed like ages to conceive first time round. I had ds1 at 37 but was very close to turning 38, and it had taken about 9 months to conceive, then got pregnant first time that we didn't use any contraception when ds1 was about a year old - dc2 is due with an under 21 month age gape and I am now/ still will be 39.

blimey Sue,...you must really love this man. I wouldn't put up with it and I certainly wouldn't be shagging him.
However. Have you explained to him clearly why you want to get on with having another dc? you know the age issue etc? What does he say?

oh FGS
sounds like you already HAVE 2 children in the house TBH