Anyone got experience of sorting out erectile dysfunction?

[redhotredhead]

Has been a feature of our relationship on & off for years but has really set in now and we haven't had a satisfying bonk for 12 months. Have tried cialis and it worked but we are both reluctant to rely on drugs permanently. Any good books I can read? I end up feeling responsible for resuscitating his "dying" willy and find it v difficult to talk about it with each other although we have usually communicative relationship. Feel I want to "fix" him and don't know what to do.

If Viagra works,don't knock it I reckon.

Yes you could be right. Maybe using it regularly would just get us back in the groove. Problem is persuading him along to GP for prescrptions though. Got first lot via private prescription from a sex therapist but cost a bloody fortune.

First time poster here!

Yes, this happened to us and has been the only problem area in a relationship which is fine in every other respect. He did get a Viagra scrip but only after much screaming and crying on my part (not a tactic I normally resort to!) for about a year and a half to make him go to the GP. He has steadfastly and grumpily refused to consider my first suggestion of couples counselling which was echoed by the GP.

I felt the same as you about wanting to 'fix' it. However, things have improved greatly since I twigged that this isn't about me at all, and I need to back off and let DP take charge of the solution. I started with the attitude that this was a problem for us both which we should address together. I thought I was being supportive but I think that DP found it emasculating to some degree which perpetuated the droop. And he isn't a masculine pride-type at all. It has now been 2 years since he got Viagra and he is very slowly weaning himself off the pills. He doesn't tell me whether he has taken one or not, and I think it takes the pressure off him if I always believe he has taken one, IYSWIM.

This is just my experience and may not chime with you. I do know how distressing this can be for both partners and it has been a very long haul for us. hope you find a way through.

Apologies for the long post.

Don't apologise, Flora - found that hugely helpful thak you! I know EXACTLY what you mean about him finding any intervention by me emasculating. Part of the problem of course is finding the time and energy to have sex at all with young kids around. We had a hilarious (with hindsight) disaster last Christmas - he popped a pill on Christmas Day at lunchtime without my knowledge, and then expected me to jump into bed with him that afternoon just before we were supposed to be going round to friends for drinks etc. I was pooped having done the whole lunch thing and more than a little pissed and said no, you should have consulted me first! He was furious and all ended in tears. With hindsight just wished I had done it. I think you are right I need to let him sort it out.

Part of my other problem (TMI warning) is that he is a daily wanker. Knocks one out in the shower every morning because he can seem to do that no trouble and then of course has no mojo left for later! Sex therapist we saw advised him against that but he has taken no notice of her. We have a night off from the kids coming up in Dec so think will book us into nice hotel and see what happens.

my standard response to anything in this department is to ensure that beau is takes time to exercise. Intense aerobic exercise does wonders for well being and sex drive.

That's interesting toughdaddy. DH used to be extremely fit and sex was much better. Has stopped exercising so much this year (work pressures) so maybe there is a connection there.

work stress + lack of exercise is lethal for 40+ men per Mens Health magazine. So take him out for daily runs :-)

I'm glad this thread has appeared.

About 6 months ago, dh started losing his erection while we were having sex.

At first we thought it was a one-off, but it's happened every time we've tried since.

We had some relationship difficulties, but seemed to have resolved those and things are good between us otherwise.

He says he's got into a groove of thinking it's going to happen, and lo and behold it does.

The GP sent him for some precautionary blood tests, but thinks it's psychological and he has an appointment on Monday. I've suggested he asks for Viagra, because both of us think once he's been ok a few times the problem will resolve.

In the meantime I'm as frustrated as hell - I never thought I'd miss (fulfilling) sex so much until it's now been taken away.

For those of you whose dps/dhs have tried it, does Viagra work the first time it's used or does he have to try it a few times until it has an effect please?

thanks.

Oh, and he has become out of condition (late 40s).

I had already gently mentioned his "moobies" weren't his most attractive feature.

When I saw this thread and ToughDaddy's comments I showed the post to dh and he's now using the treadmill and doing press-ups (just not the ones on top of me)

If he manages DIY then I wonder why you think he has EDF?
That is techincally the inability to get an erection- and he doesn't have that problem .

It looks more psychological and maybe also due to his own DIY and possibly low sex drive.

Viagra won't bring on desire- it will only enable him to act out his desire and if he doesn't have a physical problem he may find his todger doesn't subside for a loooooooong time!

Is he open to sex therapy or couple counselling?

Sorry, I thought EDF meant any sort of problem in this area - not just a total inability to get an erection.

It's not lack of desire - he's as keen as ever. I haven't asked him about DIY...will do that though.

Yes, he's open to sex therapy/couples counselling...we just think Viagra for a short time might help him get his confidence back.

couple of interesting things I think:

read an article that said work stress causes testosterone in men to drop.

Exercise causes testosterone in men and women to rise (thus increases libido)

Also: I buy a tablet called Kamagra on the internet, comes in a gel, relatively cheap, WORKS big time after 10/15mins and no side effects (with the gel) (sometimes mild headache with the tablet)

Would def recomend it and a lot less embarassing/less of a big deal than going to doctors.

They deliver in 2 days aswell!

Another couple of things
be careful of buying anything over the web- these drugs can have serious effects on some people such as heart attack and high blood pressure. I know your DH might feel embarrassed about seeing a dr, but tell he just needs to get over that.

Secondly, I don't understand why, if he masturbates every day in the mornings in the shower, which is what you seem to be saying, he doesn't find you and do the job! Are you not around? Are the kids around? He is obviously feeling horny and is able to have an erection- why does this not happen with you?

I know that most drs do not consider a man impotent if he wakes up with an erection- they ten to think the problem is psychological if he can't have sex when he wants to .

HAs something happened to knock his confidence?

I also agree that getting himself back into shape will help- exercise is a well-known libido stimulator, and on a merely practical level, for guys anyway, it improves blood flow!

I'd say:

Off to the drs for a full check up including b pressure
Try sex counselling
Stop masturbating every day and find you - or save it up for later!

You will have to pay handsomely for the prescription even if you get it from your GP I'm afraid (iirc it works out about £8 per tablet).

He should get his blood pressure checked and try to lose a bit of weight and get fitter. Obv if he smokes he should stop this too.

Sorry if I gave the wrong impression, he doesn't masturbate every day.

Just asked him, and it's about once a week - and everything is the same (i.e. he doesn't lose the erection then).

So, definitely psychological.

The GP checked his blood pressure, that was normal.

He's not embarrassed about seeking medical help or counselling, we both want to find a solution and get back to rumpy-pumpy as it's been before (or maybe even better, absence is making the heart grow fonder!)

isitover

I am a bit confused - I was replying to the original poster- whereas you seem to think my posts are aimed at you!

The OP says he masturbates daily in the shower.

rethod, ours is a slightly different story my DH has repeat Viagra script because of a bad accident when younger, permanent paralysis in certain parts, etc. but I understand about communication and pressure on you. DH has once or twice taken a pill without consulting me and in the early days I felt I had to perform

But he knows not to do that now. Yes, your situation sounds as if it's more of a psychological/confidence thing. Sounds like he/you should try more counselling but perhaps with a few Viagra chucked in for that 'boost'

Whoops - sorry honestfriend - perhaps I should start my own thread rather than hijacking someone else's.