Don't post here anymore unless I need to as I have been shot down in flames too many times now.
Anyway, excuse the 'drivel' but here goes......
Last saturday, me DP and kids went to MIL/FIL for tea.
She is very old fashioned and does my head in at the best of times but I always bite my tongue for DPs sake.
Basically DP is an only child and Goldenballs in her eyes. That is NOT to say that I think ALL only children are such(please, please, please don't take that the wrong way!) When dd was an only child(up to the age of 4, she was also my golden child, but I could see her faults and acknowledge them to others!
MIL does NOT like DD and makes it clear in a very subtle way. sHE is not 'her' grandchild by blood and whilst she insisted on them being called grandma and grandad prior to thomas being born, she has made no effort to refer to her as her 'grandaughter'
MIL also is not keen on DS2 as he is a bit of a monkey and she finds him difficult.
DS1 however is her favourite one and it is perfetly obvious to everyone. he can do no wrong. In her eyes he is a replica of his daddy and she tells me so constantly, which instantly gets my hackles up, as she is therefore saying inadvertenly that dd2 is like me, which I don't mind as he is a bit of an imp with loads of personality and will probably go far.
Short story long eh!!
Anyway, Saturday afternoon in their very small bungalow. Kids have all been fed and are then given a piece( "1" piece!) of paper to draw on. Everything that she has for them to play with is in the loft and our tea is ready!!!
I suggest getting it down but it falls on deaf ears.
DD, nearly 8 draws a beautiful picture. DS1 nearly 4 also starts a picture. DS" nearly 3 is a pain in the arse for some unknown reason.. boredom..!?
NO. DS1 has found a ball and is tormenting the life out of DS2, but very subtley.
Of course the boys start to argue big time and eventually MIL snatches the ball off them both and says, 'right no-one is having it' and puts it on the windowsill.
Great, just what I would have done.
However DS2 is now in tantrum mode and is giving it loads over my knee as I am eating my tea.
DP starts to try to distract him, but eventually I tell him not to bother, that the more he talks to him, the more he wants him to and to just leave him to cry. DP agrees to this, AS DOES MIL.
Within 30 seconds, she has whizzed round to my seat, snatched up his wrist, dragged him across the room, taken him into the lounge and left him in there in the pitch black with the door shut!!!!!!!!
PLEASE someone tell me that that is abuse, she was totally out of order and that what I did next was not wrong.
I met her as she was coming away from the lounge door having closed it behind her.
I just said 'MIL, you can't leave him in a dark room'
I went into the lounge, turned the light on and came out. I couldn't even look at DS2 for fear that I would soften(it isn't nice to witness someone manhandling your child)
In our house, we have an un written rule that whomever puts the child onto the 'naughty' chair/step/room should be the one to get them off/out.
She, after 3 minutes looked like she was going to leave him for the night, so I went.
When I got there he was pissed wet thru(he NEVER wets anymore) dancing around on one leg saying 'I want a wee wee... Grandma hurt my hand... I don't like dark room....I frightened'
I noticed at that point that the curtains were shut, but at 6.pm it was pitch black outside anyway.
Took him into the bathroom for a wee and stripped him down as had no spare clothes for him.
Took him back to where we were eating and he sat on my knee sobbing silently.
She then said, in front of the kids, with both hands on her hips, ' Have I upset you or what???' with attitude - you know?!
At first I said no, and then i thought, well fu.k you lady, I always back down, and say nothing, to keep the peace, but at the end of the day, I am my kids advocate, and if i don't stick up for them, who the fu.k will?.....
so I said, 'well actually, yes you have. I don't like DS2 being left in a dark room, but lets just leave it now' The kids were all there and I didn't want them being witness to any nastiness.
Well i got a load of shit back, 'he wasn't left for a minute', 'it wasn't dark' chunner, chunner, chunner and i just kept saying ' just leave it'.
On one occasion DP also said 'Just leave it Mum'
Eventually she said "well i'm not going to apologise because i don't think it's necessary!!!!"
DD made things 1001% worse cos she kept asking if Grandma had upset me, was i ok, was that tears she could see in my eyes etc..etc!!
We left an hour later having spent a very uncomfortable time watching 'You've been framed'
Dp just thinks she is getting old(70 in Dec) my mum was 68 last week and not like this at all.
I dropped the boys off as usual yesterday afternoon(she always has them on a wed afternoon and i felt that if i didn't take them she would be winning somehow) SHE ACTED LIKE NOTHING HAD HAPPENED. BITCH
I am worried that if she reacted that way when we were there, what does she do when we are not there.
DS2 has told me 3 times since that she hit him. 2 yr olds don't tend to lie, or at least when they do, their story changes. His remains the same.
I feel like i have let him down somewhat,
Where do I go from here?