Am I just being picky?Not sure I love dp?Help!!!

[shatteredmumsrus]

I met dp and had a whirlwind romance, fell in love very qickly and got pg after 6 months. I already had a ds and he has brought him up since he was 2. We have been together for 5 and a half years and have a 4 and 8 year old (previous relationship). Boys love their Daddy alot!I however cant stand him touching me, we hardly have sex and I dont fance him, He goes to work and takes us out for meals, he is faithful and is a good Dad.He isnt physically attractive to me and doesnt make an effort to look nice anymore - he cant be arsed with clothes etc. BTW we are only early thirties. I have started to have dreams about men I know and the thought of kissing another man excites me whereas before it repulsed me!He likes a drink and goes to our local social club a few times a week. I prefer staying in on my own. I dont want to marry him and never will. He doesnt blow my mind and Im not deeply in live with him. In fact im not sure i love him at all. But - we have a house and a car and 2 children and a job each and look the perfect 2.4 family. He is happy as he says s all the time. Im not and am scared im wasting my precious life in a loveless relationship. What should I do, I have the kids to consider? I know the grass isnt always greener but I am wondering......

i can't really offer you great advice because only you can decide what you should do, but i wanted to reply so you might not feel so alone with all this going round and round in your head.

if it helps, i think probably you are not alone...that loads of women feel like this.

there are a few things i would think about:
the grass isn't always greener - but sometimes it is!
children in seperated families can do just fine - in fact sometimes they are better off that way.
cringing when he touches you is not a healthy option for the rest of your life, so you probably need to work out a way to try and get over that if you choose to stay together.
imagine how you would feel if you knew he didn't love you, and hated you touching him...would you rather he kept up the pretence, or gave you options about how to take things forward?

overall (and now i've decided that this is advice, so 'in for a penny, in for a pound') i suspect that what will happen is that you will stay until you instinctively know that it is time to go - until something, either internal or external, triggers that response in you. Is the best advice generally 'if you are unsure, do nothing'?...

i truly feel for you

thanks for advice x

I can honestly say to you. You wont know what you have until its gone. Everything youve written was how i felt. And then i left... and now i wished i never did. I catn make you be attracted to him. But what you need to ask yourself and what i now i asked myself what was has changed?? He was ok in the start enough for you to have sex and get pregnant...something has changed. And sadly you say he is happy. That is always the way. my partner was happy. I was sad. Most times i would cry and just like you thin about the grass being greener. Then one day i hear someone say, the grass is greener on the other side cos they take care of it. The decision is yours. But whatever you decide to it for you, not him or kids. Good luck hun.
x

How would you feel if everything in your relationship was the same apart from the fact that your DP was having sex with someone else? If the answer is 'fine with that' then you maybe need to have a talk with your DP about moving from a partner situation to separated co-parents both at liberty to date other people.

if you aren't actively trying to leave then actively try to stay. If you have no plan to move on any time soon then try and be happy - happy now. It might be helpful to think of this as a friendship for a while - do what you can to have a laugh for a while.