Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

HELP...DPs mum in trouble, advice needed!

4 replies

emma2617 · 06/11/2008 11:52

Oh Gosh, this is a long story, I apologise if I'm not 100% clear!

DPs mum and dad split up when he was little and his mum remarried. DP and his stepdad never got on, especially so when DP was still living at home. The main reason being that his stepdad drinks, a lot! One night when DP was about 18 stepdad got drunk and went for his mum, at which point DP stepped in to defend her, his stepdad promptly called the police and DP was arrested for assault...never charged as it was 6 ofone and half a dozen of the other.

His stepdad is very controlling of his mum, to the point where DP could only ever phone his mum during the day when step dad was at work, or his mum would suffer the wrath of his stepdad for daring to speak to her own son. This has meant we have had very little ocntact in the 2.5 years me and DP have been together, I have only met her 3 times, although I do feel we have some sort of relationship.

Now to the current situation...DPs grandad (his mums dad) lost his wife 18 months ago and is now terribly ill with inoperable lung cancer.
DPs mum has not spoken with DPs sister since jusly 12th, nor has she seen any of her grandchildren, she has not returned any of DPs calls or texts and didnt even send him a birthday card. I am pregnant as well with what will be her grandchild, and she has not contacted us with regards this either. Needless to say our worry levels were gradually rising.

DPs mum went down to london to visit DPs grandad (with out stepdad)as on top of everything he has hurt his arm. Then out of the blue DP receives an email from his mums cousin saying that the family down south are also worried as they can tell that she isnt right and they know how controlling DPs stepdad is and they are going to try and speak to her while she is down there on her own.

Also, this cousin has been speaking to DPs grandad re his estate and it turrns out that he is also worried that whatever he may leave to DPs mum will be hijacked by stepdad.

Then now, we receive an email from DPs stepdads daughter, who for the record has never got on with DP or his sister, this email states how she is wooried about DPs mum and that she has left messages with almost every shop owner in DPs mums village so that if they see her they can pass it on. DPs mum is also not answering or returning calls from her either. The last line of this email states, and I quote "If anything has happened to him (DPs grandad) then she (DPs mum) would go in hiding and I know my Dad is looking forward to his death so they can get the money."

I really dont know what to do going forward...I know I shouldnt get involved, and I won't, but DP and his sister are at a loss as to what to do and have asked my advice, I am now asking yours!

If you have any ideas...they are more than welcome, and very much needed!!!!

Apologies this so long...and possibly rambly!

OP posts:
more · 06/11/2008 12:02

I think the best thing is probably what her family is going to try and do, talk to her. Get her on her own and not let her fob them off. Tell her that she needs to convince them that she is happy with him and wants to stay with him. Can any of you offer for her to come stay with you? She might be worried that if she left him she would have no where to go.

Blinglovin · 06/11/2008 12:05

Someone needs to physically go and see her. Track her down, look her in the eye, and talk to her.

emma2617 · 06/11/2008 12:09

I have told DP that as hard as it might be I think his grandad really has a right to know about his stepdads attitude towards the inheritance.
I was also thinking it might do some good for him and his sister to go and visit her one day when stepdad is at work (i would have to drive them as neithr of them drive and live a fair way away) but i wasnt sure how that would go.

She can stay with us, as much as the whole MIL living with you thing would be anightmare, if it meant her getting away from him then she is more than welcome.

It is so hard, I come from a loving stable middle class family and I know I probably sound quite snobby but DP was brought up on a council estate and is happy to have left all that behind him...but I am only 22 and coming from such a sheltered background (with regards family problems) I am on really unfamiliar ground here

OP posts:
emma2617 · 06/11/2008 15:22

bump

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page