Had a miscarriage but husbands doesnt seem bothered

[lisamaguire]

I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks on saturday 1.11.08 and since this ive been so down and all i wanted was a big hug from my husband, we've only been married 4 months and already have 2 children but he doesnt seem to care that we've lost this one. I never got the hug or anything really and im so upset. Has anyone else had similar experience?

Hi lisa so sorry for your loss. I have had 3 mc and the first one was early around 6 weeks like yourself. I was devastated and felt dh wasn't too bothered at the time. Since then we have talked and dh has admitted that it didn't really affect him and it was almost just like a late af to him. I just don't think they get attached as early as us, none of that helps us though and it is at this time you need them most. There are many of us in the same position as yourself on emmsys angels thread in the miscarriage section, join us if you feel ready and you will find a lot of support and help. Take care x

Poor you. In the space of just two short weeks you already visualise your future and identity as the mum of 3 children. It's so hard to have it yanked from you.

Exactly the same from my dh Lisa. He actually asked me what was I so stressy about. Never once asked if I was ok. Gp referred me for scans and dh asked if all the fuss was necessary. Hope you get a big hug soon.

I'm sorry for your loss lisa.

You should be able to expect a hug from your DH, however don't be too hard on him. Men don't have the pregnancy hormones in their body and perhaps it isn't the first thing on their mind.

I miscarried at six weeks two months ago. I also have two other children and whilst my DH was very good at the time and did comfort me and share my grief, undoubtedly he has 'recovered' whereas I still think about it all of the time.

Have you tried talking to him about how you feel?

Sorry for your loss

He may not know how to react. Talk to him about both your feelings.

so sorry for your loss. I too have had 2 miscarriages in the last year. My hubby annoyed me by not seeming to be half as devastated as I was and still am. I do think it is a very diffrent experience for the woman than the man, we not only felt the diffrence in our bodies from being pregnant, but then had to go through the awful ordeal of it suddenly being taken away from us. Look after yourself and I send you a virtual hug.

Lisa, so sorry for your loss. I had a mc just over 3 years ago at 9 weeks. At the time, my DH didn't really want to talk about it but it wasn't because he didn't care, it was because he was so absolutely gutted by it that he couldn't talk about it, he had to block it out. We met very late in life and he was 40 and so excited about having his first child. Thankfully, a year later we had our DD and when we found out I was pg he couldn't get excited. This was until the 20 week scan when he broke down and cried with relief and it was really only then that the loss of the previous baby came out. It may be that your DH just can't talk about it? Try talking to him as I've learnt that the most important part of a relationship is communication. x

lisa, sorry for your sad news.
I agree with the others who say that perhaps he doesn't know how to react. You need to tell him what you need from him. He may be afraid of making you feel worse or he may be upset too and scared of getting in touch withthose feelings? (Sorry, came over all Californian there, lol!)

Thank you all so much, i think u are right as i just caught him crying in the sitting room, he said he wasnt but im not stupid. Sorry 2 ev1 who has had the same awful experience as me and worse as i know how u all are feelin, hopefully i will get over this in time and feel ready to try again xxxxxxxxxxxxx