Feel used, stupid, embarrassed, confused, is this email ok?

[HaveToGoAnonForThis]

I 'met' a man online 2 months ago. Since then we have been messaging, emailing and then phone calling and texting. We were due to meet in person this weekend and go out for a meal.

Then I got THIS email:
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Who the hell do you think you are fucking around with a married man? I know what you're upto as I have read your emails and texts. People like you need to be fucking shot, you think you can just swan around and wade into a family and break it apart with no consideration for the wife or the children who's DADDY you are messing around with.
Fuck off and find a man of your own you pathetic piece of shit. If you contact him again, WE will go to the police and have you for harrassment.
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I feel so shit. I had no idea at all that he was married yet I'm made to feel like some kind of whore/home wrecker who set out to hurt everyone. I'm so confused as everything he has told me must have been a lie but he seemed so nice and genuine and what would have happened if she hadn't noticed before we met??

I've wrote a reply, don't know whether to send it or not:

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I 100% understand why you are so upset and angry but I had NO IDEA that he was married. As far as I knew (from what he told me) you had been divorced for two years. You had custody of the kids, he saw them every weekend and you two hardly spoke at all anymore. If I'd known, I would not have got involved at all.

I am sorry to have been involved in this. I'm just glad I now know the truth before we actually met. He lied to me too.

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Should I send it? are all men on dating sites like this? I'm so fed up and angry, nothing ever seems to go right and I feel like everyone just treats me like a joke.

Defo send it and attach the email he sent you if you still have it, she deserves the truth. Don't get into it with her though leave it at that and block any further emails. What a shit.

You have to state whether you are married, single, separated, divorced etc on most, and state the kind of relationship you are after. There are profiles of married men on there, who are open about teh fact, but if someone is leading others astray by pretending to be divorced, the site would expel them./

does gthe op say which site it is

Yes, I would send the message and maybe also a link to his profile on the dating site so she can start blaming him and not you, who is innocent in this. You poor thing. I hope you find your decent, honest Prince Charming soon!

Oh no what a mess

I don't see why the OP shouldn't reply and let the wife know that she didn't know he was married etc - why should the OP take any blame from the wife?

I'd also actually attach any emails he sent to you so she knows for sure that it wasn't a one sided thing and also tell her that he is on a dating website.

hope you are ok HTGAFT and it doesn't put you off in the future, not everyone is like this!

the reason for noit replying is that the op doesnt have an obl,igastion to correspond with either of them

for her own benefit i suggest just block and forget

i mean why give them any more brain space

drop them like a stone

I'd like to say that I'd be calm and dignified, but if I am being honest, I have to say that I would probably send that email, with copies of every message I had had from him attached to it, PLUS a copy of his dating site profile.

I know, I know, it's not the sensible thing to do, but tbh, I'd be spitting feathers!

She will not believe anything you say - she's in denial.

I agree with zippi. Don't invest any more time or effort in either of them. I would bin the email account or block both of them.

(Actually if I were you I would type a really venomous email back, to get it out of my system, then delete it without sending.)

You poor thing, horrible for you.

I say don't bother wasting anymore time on this loser.

1 - She won't believe whatever you say.
2 - She will be so lived with your reply that she may get even more aggressive.
3 - You are wasting valuable time that you could spend elsewhere.
4 - He won't back you up and will definately be blaming you.
5 - You could end up getting into deeper water.

Nope the best thing to do is let it go, block the bastard, keep copies of everything you have received from him and her (just in case) and move on!

Oh and if he does attempt to contact you so he can clear his tracks tell him to get stuffed! (and try to record whatever he says)

If it was an actual email you got, as opposed to a message from a system integral to the website, I would forward her email - preferably with the headers - to [email protected] by whatever's after the @ in her email address.

She has certainly breached the Terms Of Service of her account with whoever her ISP is, both by the foul language and by the threats of harassment. That should be enough to get her TOSed (i.e. her internet service withdrawn for breach of the ToS) and she'll have to get another one up.

You've done nothing wrong and she deserves it for being such a fucking fishwife.

I'd be inclined to forward his emails back to her as well, with a short note: 'As you will see, your husband didn't inform me he was still married so it's hardly my fault. I don't expect to hear from either of you again, sort yourselves out without bothering me.'
And if you do get any more abuse, then report it to the police. You haven't done anything wrong and she has no right to abuse you. (and if she's like that at home, no wonder he's hunting for fun elsewhere).

Message withdrawn

I would reply and what solidgb says.

Make his life difficult too...........

to not reply will make her think you are guilty

Try www.mysinglefriend.com next time

None of it's the OP's fault, though. And this alleged wife (who may, after all, be a psycho ex or something) appears to be blaming the OP entirely for the situation, which is unfair. I'd certainly not apologise to someone who was that abusive towards me.