pils don't see danger

[ilovetochat]

pils love dd to bits and if i mention i struggled to get to an appointment cos of looking after dd they often say they would have had her for me, which is very kind of them.
BUT we took dd to their house at the weekend and they knew we were going and the carpet was filthy with dirt, doghair, dog biscuits, dog toys and there were dirty cups on the floor. They then made us a cup of tea and put the cups on the floor. I am sitting with dd on my lap and they keep saying put her down and let her play. DP said we can't put her down as she will scald herself on the tea, eat dog biscuits, chew dog toys and lick dog hair (in a bit nicer manner than i have put it) but they couldn't see a problem. The dog bowl was on the floor in the lounge and there was a bleach bottle on the floor too. They are 70 but they can't see danger.
How can i ever leave dd with them in this dirty unsafe house?
It is a shame as they really love her and no-one else ever volunteers to have her for us.

Can they not come to you?
Ask them to come around the time of your appointmet and make them lunch/tea.

Its the only way other than saying "actually your house is a shit hole, and no0 way will my kid be comeing there"

My PILs have a dog and we put DS on the floor when we visit and he does get covered with dog hair but I am not too particular with that as I think kids need to build up their immunity somehow and I grew up with dogs so I know certain things (having a drink out of the dog bowl etc) happens and doesn't really do much harm...

However, I would be alarmed at the bleach bottle on the floor as well as hot tea where your DD can reach them. Do they not have a table? More importantly, have they always been like that (does your DP remember growing up?) or is it an age thing? If they have always been like that, your DP has grown up with them and probably fair to say, they will probably stop your DD before she gets to the bleach bottle etc. However, if it is an age thing, there is nothing you can do about that if their memory or cognitive abilities are failing. You just won't be able to trust them with your DD!

Can you put aside one day and help them clean up? Also, you can watch them look after DD at the same time (try not to interfere) and assess their ability to be left alone with your DD? How old is your DD btw? Also, regardless of what dog they have, you need to remind them that DD is NEVER to be left alone with the dog. GL!

they come to our house every week but always say we want you to come to ours.
When they come to ours they do nothing, sit on the settee, have drink after drink, never offer any help like washing up or a bit or ironing, read dd story if i put her on their lap but can't pick her up or help her down and they can't bend down to change her nappy so i don't see how they think they could help really. I think they are too old to look after her safely. They would put a hot drink on the floor or mil leaves her handbag open and lets dd rifle through fetching out money and tablets and they don't get that she could die. Thay care but seem incapable to me.

dd is 16 months and teething so everything goes in her mouth, she headed for the dog toys several times when fil was walking her round and he wasn't quick to stop her. She also licked their settee which had muddy dogprints on. I think they have worsened with age, it is certainly getting dirtier. We try and help get them new things, paint and tidy it up but they let the dogs run in and out and jump on the settee and have been bouncing the ball up the newly painted walls so its filthy again already. They have all day but never dust or clean.

i wont let my FIL look after my dds and they are 6 and 4
nor my dad
they are just totally incapable and i dont care if they know i think that

if FIL lets his dog lick my dds i just say "that is so unhygienic come on dd lets wash hands"
and if his dog jumps on the chair i shove her off

just stand up fo yourself (and dd)

Hi ilovetochat, sounds like it's an age issue and their cognitive abilities might be faltering a bit, which is a pity. You mentioned that they are physically incapable of changing a nappy, if that's the case, I really don't see how you can leave DD with them! Do you not know any mums around you? We moved into a new area almost 2 years ago and when DS was born (8.5 months ago), I felt incredibly isolated. I started going to lots of baby groups in the area and since then, have made some fabulous friends. One of whom babysat for us (first time with 'outsiders'!) so DH and I could catch a movie.

oh i do, i make them put dogs upstairs before we go in as they are oncontrollable and jump all over you and would knock dd down. I don't think they understand, although they see us watching dd and fetching her down when she climbs, that dd is everywhere and would run like a mad thing and eat touch everything.

i know lots of lovely moms at playgroups but we don't see much of each other outside of that environment. My dad lives local but doesn't understand kids and doesn't really like them and has refused to changer dds nappy. My mom lives nearby too and has baby sat once for us but works so she is busy in the ween and goes to bed by 9 so won't babysit in evenings.

i think that at 70, even though people may mean well, it is possible that they cannot phsycially take care of a baby. unless thye are uber fit.
i wouldnt leave a baby with any of the seventy year olds i know.

they aren't fit, fil is having a hip replacement this month having just recovered from cancer and mil had a stroke this year but has now recovered. when they offer to have dd i feel guilty saying no as they won't be here forever but dd comes 1st.
my house is far from perfectly clean but it is safe and dd goes to other houses with dogs and plays on the floor but the houseowners must hoover more and clean up as there is far less dirt.

ilovetochat - I would start inviting mums round with their LOs for playdates and take it from there! I agree with you that it is very hard to see mummies out of the baby group environment or get to know them better. I've invited some mums and their LOs over and I have hit it off with some and not with others but one of the first things they have always offered once you are more familiar is babysitting duties! Of course you would have to reciprocate but I don't have a problem with that at all. GL! I know it's hard but if you want a reliable babysitter, then it's time to take some pro-active actions. You can also ask around baby groups for childminders who babysit as well. My LO is going to a CM for 2 days a week starting February and I know she provides a babysitting service as well. As for your ILs, I think it's a no-go unfortunately... Just try and see them as much as possible.

thanks angel, dd goes to a surestart centre for a couple of classes and i never thought of asking there if they babysit, my step sister is a nursery nurse so i know i can trust her but she sees dd very rarely so dd doesn't know her and i don't want to leave her with people she doesn't know.

Hi ilovetochat, it's really difficult isn't it? It's not really the British way to be friendly (interpret over-familiar!). My friend babysat for the first time the other day, the only reason why I trusted her was that she and I (and our kids) have seen one another at least once or twice a week at each other's house for the last 3/4 months or so. Her LO is very similar to my DS in age and temperament (they are both difficult babies!) so I know she would be able to deal with him. Otherwise, I would definitely go for a CM who has qualifications to babysit, just wouldn't trust anyone else otherwise! GL!